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Myth Jokes

"Who's Sisyphus?" she asks. You begin to respond: "it's this myth about a guy being punished in the underworld where he has to-"

Her phone rings.

"One second," she says. A few minutes later, she prompts you to continue: "I'm sorry, I cut you off."

You start again. "Sisyphus is a-"

Her phone rings again. "Sorry, one sec."

I have two copies of the book “The Myth of Sisyphus.”

That way, once I finish one, I can just start the other.

There's a Greek myth about a stream whose water will attach itself to your skin for all eternity.

The river sticks

Where does a myth buster sleep?

In debunk bed.

I once tried to create a comedy routine based on the myth of Orpheus.

Looking back, it was a bad idea.

TIL cow tipping is an urban myth.

Apparently, the farmers just pay them a competitive wage.

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A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his:

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out. "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said. "Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him and sh...

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Who was the sexiest woman in Greek myth?

Actually, it was Medusa. One look from her made guys rock hard.

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A Japanese myth about love..

There's a Japanese legend that says your present face is the face of the one you loved most in your past life.
I must have had really bad taste then. FML.

I just finished a long article about the different myths behind Jesus’ death and resurrection.

There was a lot of ….. cross referencing.

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The Man, The Myth, the Legend: Frank Feldman!

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by.

He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman... he's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you nee...

A Christmas Myth

After learning about different ways to celebrate Christmas, the children were eager to learn more about the subject. Knowing that one of the teachers at their school was from the UK and maybe had an angel on top of the tree instead of the classic star, they went to ask him about it.

It's a lo...

Based on an urban myth: Two guys were smoking weed one late evening

Not being in the best state for great decisions, they figured they wanted to go for a ride to pick up some food. However, as they came to the first roundabout one guy said, let's go for an extra round. Sure, said the other and off they went.

"You know what would be even better?"

"Wh...

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I hate the myth that men will fuck anything with a heartbeat...

I've fucked inanimate objects too!

I'm beginning to think adult supervision is a myth

In fact, my vision just seems to be getting worse.

PMS is a myth

It's really just an ovary action.

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Women who like facials must be a myth.

At least, I've never cum across one.

Gravity is just a myth.

We all know it's the white man keeping us down.

It is a myth that you cannot breathe underwater

You can breathe out, just not in.

Flat Earth is not a myth

But rather a rounding error

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I finally figured out where that "programmers live in basements" myth comes from!

It's because they prefer to work in a non-Windows environment.

Is it true an apple a day, keeps the doctor away? Or is it just an old granny's myth.

I'm here all week..

The idea that we can convert a dog's age to human years by multiplying by 7 is a total myth.

You multiply by 9/5 and add 32. It’s the muttric conversion.

Contrary to popular myth, Caesar wasn't killed by the Roman senate. He died of a heart attack when he heard of Barcelona's spectacular loss. His last words were however accurate....

8-2, brutus?

What is a Pirate's Favorite Greek Myth?

Jason and the Arrrghonauts

Its a myth that people dont kiss in elementary school, i kissed loads of girls

I miss being a teacher

My friend was telling me about a salmon that could break into safes...

Turned out to be a lox myth.

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My girlfriend said that a sneeze is 1/10th of an orgasm.

"That's a bullshit myth," I said.

"Prove it," she replied.

After sneezing ten times I said, "See? I'm still awake and you're not pregnant."

TIL It's a myth that people's joints hurt because it's cold and damp

Turns out it's just a mist ache.

It just occurred to me why the Grim Reaper is so popular in myths and cultures throughout the world

People are always dying to meet him

You can actually file a lawsuit against the federal government in the United States. It's a myth that you can't. All you have to do is simply take some specific medication.

And that medication, my friends, is Sudafed®

Putin and Obama meet in Moscow

They're debating the merits of their respective societies. They argue about moral values and which country is doing better.

Obama: I've heard that all Russian are alcoholics.

Putin: That's a Russophobic myth. I bet there's not a single drunk out in Moscow tonight.

Obama: I don'...

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What did Samuel L Jackson Say When He Was Asked To Name the First Greek Myth He Was Taught in School.

Oedipus Was the First Motherfucker!

My Grandma always used to say, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away. "

I don't know if that's true, or just one of Granny's myths.

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According to some old myths, Birth marks show where you got killed in your last life

I didn't know getting stabbed in the ass was a way to kill someone

Have y'all heard of the cow that produces milk that taste like that stuff of myths?

It's legen-dairy

I met Mike Tyson and he had his tiger with him. I said, "Wow! I can't believe you actually have a tiger! I thought that was a myth."

He said, "Well you were mythtaken."

Did you hear about Mike Tyson’s new show with Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman?

It’s called Myth Understanding.

What is it called when the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air tells a lie?

Will's myth.

An explorer spent weeks scouring the jungles of Skull Island, hoping to see the legendary King Kong. One day, when he was all but certain that it was nothing but a myth, he came to a clearing - and right there before him, sitting pensively, was the imposing figure of King Kong...

The explorer glared at King Kong in awe, and approached him slowly. King Kong seemed to be quite passive, so the explorer slowly reached out and shyly touched him. But as soon as he made contact with the gorilla’s fur, King Kong went berserk. He immediately rose to his feet, began beating his chest ...

A year ago, the Jacksonville Jaguars thought that they found the best coach for their team.

Turns out that was an Urban myth.

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The Stork family comes home at the end of the day

The storks sit down for dinner. Mama Stork says "Father Stork, what did you do today?"

Father Stork says "I was out making couples very happy. What did you do today Mama Stork?"

Mama Stork says "I also was out making couples very happy. What did you do today Baby Stork?"

Baby...

Do storks deliver babies?

An OB/GYN walks into a bar and orders a beer. "So do all those storks delivering babies cut into your business?" the bartender jokes. "That, of course, is a complete myth," the stuffy OB/GYN huffs. "The only thing storks and obstetricians have in common is a large bill."

Mike Tyson once tried to fight the Blair Witch right here in Maryland

He swung at her but he myth'd.

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My wife said...

“Did you know butterflies only live for one day?"

I said, "That's a myth."

She said, "No, it's definitely a butterfly!"

What do you call a Minotaur in a playground?

A swing and a myth.

Two guys from New York go on a cross-country trip and end up walking into a bar in Kansas.

After a few too many drinks, one of the guys asks the bartender, "Hey, can you tell us how to go cow tipping?" "I'm sorry, gentlemen. Cow tipping is simply an urban myth," the bartender explains. "The farmers actually pay them a competitive wage."

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A robber enters a liqour store holding a gun in his hand

He points his gun to the seller and yells: "quick, fill this bag with the money from the cash register and the most expensive beverages you have".

Seller: "sorry. I can't do that. You doesn't seem 21".

Robber: "the fuck??! Do you want to die old man?? Do exactly as I say!!".

Se...

Just finished a great book about a transvestite who has a speech impediment.

The title is "Man or Myth."

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A blonde, brunette, and red head were on top of a magic mountain

A blonde, brunette, and red head were on top of a magic mountain. The myth of the mountain was that if you jumped off of it and yelled out what you wanted to be, you would instantly turn into it.

The brunette jumped off and said she wanted to be an Eagle, so she turned into an Eagle and flew ...

Just give them another chance!

So... The news reporters decided to end this "Blondes are stupid" myth once and for all. They go to the full football stadium and find three random Blondes.

REPORTER: "We want to end this myth once and for all, so we will ask you a simple question, if you answer correctly, Blondes will be fo...

Chuck Norris once performed a table flip.

Ever since Atlantis is considered a myth.

Legend tells of an incredible hero...

Legend tells of an incredible hero: Carto-Man. Half of his body is a regular human, but the other half is made up of a key from a map.


The man, the myth, the legend

People claim that in the English language, y can be a vowel

but I think that's just a myth

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