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Myth Jokes

"Who's Sisyphus?" she asks. You begin to respond: "it's this myth about a guy being punished in the underworld where he has to-"

Her phone rings.

"One second," she says. A few minutes later, she prompts you to continue: "I'm sorry, I cut you off."

You start again. "Sisyphus is a-"

Her phone rings again. "Sorry, one sec."

I once tried to create a comedy routine based on the myth of Orpheus.

Looking back, it was a bad idea.

I just finished a long article about the different myths behind Jesus’ death and resurrection.

There was a lot of ….. cross referencing.

There's a Greek myth about a stream whose water will attach itself to your skin for all eternity.

The river sticks

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A Japanese myth about love..

There's a Japanese legend that says your present face is the face of the one you loved most in your past life.
I must have had really bad taste then. FML.

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The Man, The Myth, the Legend: Frank Feldman!

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by.

He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman... he's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you nee...

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A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his:

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out. "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said. "Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him and sh...

Where does a myth buster sleep?

In debunk bed.

TIL cow tipping is an urban myth.

Apparently, the farmers just pay them a competitive wage.

An explorer spent weeks scouring the jungles of Skull Island, hoping to see the legendary King Kong. One day, when he was all but certain that it was nothing but a myth, he came to a clearing - and right there before him, sitting pensively, was the imposing figure of King Kong...

The explorer glared at King Kong in awe, and approached him slowly. King Kong seemed to be quite passive, so the explorer slowly reached out and shyly touched him. But as soon as he made contact with the gorilla’s fur, King Kong went berserk. He immediately rose to his feet, began beating his chest ...

You can actually file a lawsuit against the federal government in the United States. It's a myth that you can't. All you have to do is simply take some specific medication.

And that medication, my friends, is Sudafed®

Contrary to popular myth, Caesar wasn't killed by the Roman senate. He died of a heart attack when he heard of Barcelona's spectacular loss. His last words were however accurate....

8-2, brutus?

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Who was the sexiest woman in Greek myth?

Actually, it was Medusa. One look from her made guys rock hard.

Based on an urban myth: Two guys were smoking weed one late evening

Not being in the best state for great decisions, they figured they wanted to go for a ride to pick up some food. However, as they came to the first roundabout one guy said, let's go for an extra round. Sure, said the other and off they went.

"You know what would be even better?"

"Wh...

Is it true an apple a day, keeps the doctor away? Or is it just an old granny's myth.

I'm here all week..

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I hate the myth that men will fuck anything with a heartbeat...

I've fucked inanimate objects too!

I'm beginning to think adult supervision is a myth

In fact, my vision just seems to be getting worse.

The idea that we can convert a dog's age to human years by multiplying by 7 is a total myth.

You multiply by 9/5 and add 32. It’s the muttric conversion.

Its a myth that people dont kiss in elementary school, i kissed loads of girls

I miss being a teacher

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I finally figured out where that "programmers live in basements" myth comes from!

It's because they prefer to work in a non-Windows environment.

Putin and Obama meet in Moscow

They're debating the merits of their respective societies. They argue about moral values and which country is doing better.

Obama: I've heard that all Russian are alcoholics.

Putin: That's a Russophobic myth. I bet there's not a single drunk out in Moscow tonight.

Obama: I don'...

It just occurred to me why the Grim Reaper is so popular in myths and cultures throughout the world

People are always dying to meet him

A Christmas Myth

After learning about different ways to celebrate Christmas, the children were eager to learn more about the subject. Knowing that one of the teachers at their school was from the UK and maybe had an angel on top of the tree instead of the classic star, they went to ask him about it.

It's a lo...

It is a myth that you cannot breathe underwater

You can breathe out, just not in.

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Women who like facials must be a myth.

At least, I've never cum across one.

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My girlfriend said that a sneeze is 1/10th of an orgasm.

"That's a bullshit myth," I said.

"Prove it," she replied.

After sneezing ten times I said, "See? I'm still awake and you're not pregnant."

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What did Samuel L Jackson Say When He Was Asked To Name the First Greek Myth He Was Taught in School.

Oedipus Was the First Motherfucker!

Flat Earth is not a myth

But rather a rounding error

I met Mike Tyson and he had his tiger with him. I said, "Wow! I can't believe you actually have a tiger! I thought that was a myth."

He said, "Well you were mythtaken."

PMS is a myth

It's really just an ovary action.

What is a Pirate's Favorite Greek Myth?

Jason and the Arrrghonauts

Gravity is just a myth.

We all know it's the white man keeping us down.

TIL It's a myth that people's joints hurt because it's cold and damp

Turns out it's just a mist ache.

Did you hear about Mike Tyson’s new show with Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman?

It’s called Myth Understanding.

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The Stork family comes home at the end of the day

The storks sit down for dinner. Mama Stork says "Father Stork, what did you do today?"

Father Stork says "I was out making couples very happy. What did you do today Mama Stork?"

Mama Stork says "I also was out making couples very happy. What did you do today Baby Stork?"

Baby...

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According to some old myths, Birth marks show where you got killed in your last life

I didn't know getting stabbed in the ass was a way to kill someone

Have y'all heard of the cow that produces milk that taste like that stuff of myths?

It's legen-dairy

My friend was telling me about a salmon that could break into safes...

Turned out to be a lox myth.

What's the definition of a mere myth?

A pirate ship thailing clothe to an itheberg

My Grandma always used to say, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away. "

I don't know if that's true, or just one of Granny's myths.

Having a sit down with my advisor

I'm due to graduate from college with Classics and Architecture majors soon, so I had a meeting with my professor.

We sat down and started to look at my grades. All A's and B's down the list until we hit the class I'd taken 3 times.

"What happened with Greek Myths? Was it the profess...

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This test is intended for males to test their sensitivity:

1) In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:

- a) Lovemaking
- b) Screwing
- c) The pigskin bus pulling into tuna town

2) You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you’ve both shared:

- a) Your views about what you expect from a s...

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