A German, an Italian, a Frenchman and an Englishman are having a philosophical debate.

The question arises: What separates man from the animals?


"Technology," says the German. "Other creatures have tools, yet none can match the hights of engineering we have accomplished. It is our industry that separates us from the beasts."


"I disagree," announces the Italian. "...

Aristotle has long been regarded for his philosophical mind.

But it's too bad his theory of inertia never really gained momentum.

Watermelons are the most philosophical fruit...

Cause they're like, "Watermelons"


@caredee

Why is X the most philosophical variable?

Because sometimes you can find X without even knowing Y.

Philosophical Q&A

An angel came down for a meeting of the Philosophical Association. Greeting the assembled philosophers, the angel offered to answer a single question for them. Immediately the philosophers set to arguing about what they should ask. So the angel said, “Alright, you figure out what you want to ask. I’...

Did you hear the one about the philosophical dentist?

He wanted to transcend dentalism.

I have a knack for philosophical puns...

I guess you could say I have really found my nietzsche.

What do you call a philosophical priest?

A deep friar

Apple trying to be philosophical:

iThink therefore iAm

Did you hear about the philosophical gunman?

He blew people's minds.

A horse walks into a bar, at which point the bartender asks if he’s an alcoholic given all the bars he frequents.

“I don’t think I am.” the horse replies.

*poof*

The horse disappears.

This is the moment where those who are into philosophy start to grin as they’re familiar with the philosophical proposition of “Cogito Ergo Sum”, or “I think, therefore I am”.

But to explain that joke b...

What do philosophical dolphins say?

What's the porpoise?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A 10 year old and Albert Einstein play a game

Both of them will take turns to ask each other a question and if one can't answer the other's question, he has to pay the other a sum of money.

To make the game fair, if the boy fails to answer a question, he only has to pay Einstein 5 dollars, on the other hand, if Einstein fails, he has to...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So there once was this wasp that lived in a jungle.

This was not your ordinary wasp though-he was smart, philosophical even. One day he finally got fed up with his repetitive, insignificant life and decided that he would leave his hive, his family, his entire close-knit wasp community and he would go out into the world and make something of himself, ...

(Long) A clown on a tricycle is riding down the highway...

... when suddenly he comes across a hitch hiker.
"Where you off to on this glorious day, my man?" called the hitch hiker. The clown responds, "I'm going to Texas. They say an old lady named Edna makes an amazing fruit punch!" The hitch hiker is intrigued, so he decides to tag along.

Furthe...

A philosophy professor is examining a student.

However, the student does not know too much and is in danger of failing, so he says to the professor:

"If I ask you a philosophical question and you don't know the answer, will you let me pass?"

The professor agrees, so the student says:

"Describe a situation from your life when...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Rules to live by

Several of us local retired pilots were asked to address a junior high gathering put on by the PTA.

I was the only speaker to show up, so I had the stage to myself. I talked about staying in school, getting good grades and all that usual bullshit; and since I had plenty of time because those...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If a man shaves his ass, is he gay?

During meditation, a monk asks his master:
"Master, If a man shaves his ass, is he gay?"

His master thought for a moment and replied in very philosophical tones:

"A man who cleans his house, clearly expects a visitor!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you say to someone who talks too much ?

In promulgating your esoteric cogitations or articulating your superficial sentimentalities, and amicable philosophical or psychological observations, beware of platitudinous ponderosa. Let your conversational communications possess a compacted conciseness, a clarified comprehensibility, a coalescen...

A priest sees God

After being initially overwhelmed, the priest tries to talk to God to finally resolve some theological and philosophical conundrums:
He asks God: Almighty, how do you experience physical space?
God strokes his beard and says: physical space means nothing to me, billions of your miles are but a...

A blonde joke

A professor is teaching his class and gets philosophical.
"Fame will come to you only if you succeed "

The blonde asks, " Who is Seed?"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A philosopher, a mathematician, and an idiot die and go to heaven..

A philosopher, a mathematician, and an idiot die and go to heaven.

They arrive at the pearly gates and St. Peter greets them with a smile, but the devil is standing beside them. The three men stand there looking very confused. Saint Peter tells them that heaven is getting very crowded, and o...

Time flies like an arrow...

...but fruit flies like a banana.

Probably, a lot of you already know this one. But I posted it from a -- *ahem* -- 'philosophical' consideration (not a really good idea for a joke subreddit).

But I think about this joke from time to time. Not only is it a complex double pun -- flie...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Old Armenian joke.

*roughly translated, please excuse any incoherence*


A scholarly looking man is strolling around with a book under his arm and is noticed by a stranger. The stranger (who is a musician) is curious about the book and approaches the man.

"What is that book you have there?"

"Th...

The Toaster leads the Kitchen Appliances on Strike. [LONG]

I looked around the kitchen in exasperation.

"We have will be heard! We have a voice! We have rights!"

"Umm, no you don't." I said to the speaker, "you're literally a wok."

"Well that may be, but we will not be abused any longer!"

A chorus of "Yeah," "You tell 'im!" and "...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man with half an orange as a head

A man with half an orange for a head walks into a bar. The bartender takes one look at him and says, 'Okay, man, I just have to know. I'll shout you a beer if you tell me just how your head came to be half an orange.' The man sits down at the bar and says, 'Well, it happened like this.'

'I'm ...

Two Sandwiches in a Deli

One day two sandwiches are sitting in a deli. One sandwich - a veggie sandwich - asks the other "Hey man, if you could be any kind of sandwich, what would you be?"


The other sandwich - a turkey sandwich - isn't in the mood. He retorts "I'm tired man. I don't feel like having a deep conv...

Plato and Aristotle were in the music room of the Academy in Athens.

Plato was at the piano, and Aristotle was holding a small lute in his hands.

“Plato, do you know the unpredictability and exactitude of ethics and reflective philosophical hermeneutics require phronesis as an ontological counterpoint to peripatetic conjecture?”

“No,” Plato replied. “Bu...

Have you heard of the, great, ancient Greek philosopher Mediocrates?

His primary philosophical viewpoint is "eeeeehhh"

The world's philosophers and theologians have gathered for a summit...

...held, dramatically enough, on the summit of an actual mountain. Everyone was having a great time, mingling together, discussing the great philosophical questions of the day.

Rumors started to swirl around about one particular holy man who had joined the day's festivities. This particularly...

Old Russian Joke as told by one of my college professors who was Russian.

Had a professor in college who was one of Gorbachev's and later one of 21 economic advisers under Yeltsin. He used to tell us these sort or stale Russian jokes that I always got a kick out of. Here is one of them:

Jimmy Carter and Brezhnev were having a deep philosophical discussion comparin...

A female philosophy student fails her exam...

A female philosophy student fails her exam. Frustrated she approaches her tutor and asks her "Do you know anything about the subject you teach?" She replies "Of course, I wouldn't be a tutor otherwise."
The girl says " Ok, I'll ask you a philosophical question. If you can answer it, I'll accept...

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