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Philosophical Jokes

A German, an Italian, a Frenchman and an Englishman are having a philosophical debate.

The question arises: What separates man from the animals?


"Technology," says the German. "Other creatures have tools, yet none can match the hights of engineering we have accomplished. It is our industry that separates us from the beasts."


"I disagree," announces the Italian. "...

Who’s the most philosophical person?

Security guard


“Who are you?”

“What are you doing?”

“Where are you going”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A philosopher, a mathematician, and an idiot die and go to heaven..

A philosopher, a mathematician, and an idiot die and go to heaven.

They arrive at the pearly gates and St. Peter greets them with a smile, but the devil is standing beside them. The three men stand there looking very confused. Saint Peter tells them that heaven is getting very crowded, and o...

What did the philosophical monkey say?

Oooh, oooh, ah, Aahhh!

What is the most philosophical book?

The dictionary. It provides the meaning of everything.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Philosophical dialogue

Two philosophers were drinking at a strip club, having a conversation and one says: "I've always been fascinated by the three simpler questions about life and I didn't find the answer yet!"

"What questions?", says the other.

"You know, the fundamental ones: where do we come from, why ...

A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint

The bartender says, " you're in here a lot. Do you think you might be an alcoholic? " The horse says, "I don't think I am, " and promptly vanishes from existence.

See, this was a joke about Descartes' famous philosophical statement, " I think, therefore I am." I could have mentioned that at ...

The driest, most esoteric joke I know.

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks the horse if it's an alcoholic considering all the bars he frequents, to which the horse replies ~~I don't think I am"~~ "I think not!" POOF! The horse disappears.

This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call philosophical boobs?

Socratitties

A few months ago, a time traveller ran up to someone and shouts "I need you to say the 9th letter of the alphabet and the German founder of the philosophical doctrine of transcendental idealism, or the world will fall into chaos!"

...I Kant

What happens when cats become philosophical?

They like to paws and reflect on life

Aristotle has long been regarded for his philosophical mind.

But it's too bad his theory of inertia never really gained momentum.

Watermelons are the most philosophical fruit...

Cause they're like, "Watermelons"


@caredee

Why is X the most philosophical variable?

Because sometimes you can find X without even knowing Y.

I have a knack for philosophical puns...

I guess you could say I have really found my nietzsche.

Philosophical Q&A

An angel came down for a meeting of the Philosophical Association. Greeting the assembled philosophers, the angel offered to answer a single question for them. Immediately the philosophers set to arguing about what they should ask. So the angel said, “Alright, you figure out what you want to ask. I’...

Apple trying to be philosophical:

iThink therefore iAm

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