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Traded Jokes

During my midlife crisis, I traded in my Kia for a new convertible.

I literally sold my soul for this sports car

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One Ukrainian Jew to another: "Would you share this imported bottle of Scotch with me?"

The other: "Of course I would. But we barely have money for food. Where did you get Scotch?"

First: "I traded some Russian caviar for it."

Second: "But how did you get Russian caviar?"

First: "I traded some calamari to them for it."

Second: "But we're hundreds of kilomete...

The world's richest man is dying...

The world's richest man is dying. He has made peace with that.

But what is bothering him so much is that no one in the afterlife will even know that he has amassed such a colossal personal fortune. On Earth, everyone knows he's a self-made man who built this huge fortune from scratch, but he...

Your father in law is so bad at chess...

he traded a queen for a horse.

What is a pirates least favorite letter?

One from his manager saying he has been traded to the Mets.

Did you hear about the guy who traded his car for an old cellphone?

Now he’s got Nokia

Brittney Griner had been traded for Viktor Bout

This is the first WNBA trade that I paid attention to.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I’m from Montana

A person asked me:
“Do you still ride a horse to work?”
To which I replied:
“Of course not! I traded it in for a mule; I lost horsepower, I make it up in ass mileage.”

See if you can guess which sub this got removed from:

I just traded a piece of fruit for a weight measuring device....

Banana for scale

What is a Pirate's favorite letter?

The one from the General Manager telling him he's been traded to the Mets.



Thanks to everyone who awarded this post! You're so kind .

My dad gave me a one dollar bill because I’m his smartest son.

My dad gave me a one dollar bill
because I'm his smartest son,
and I swapped it for two shiny quarters because two is more than one!

And then I took the quarters
and traded them to Lou,
for three dimes -- I guess he don't know that three is more than two!

Just then, along c...

An old joke from my childhood that is sadly relevant again.

**Bert and Ernie had worked together as radio hosts for twenty years.**

They traded jokes, played pop music and generally made people's lives a touch brighter as they trundled to work.

In one of the breaks they received a Fax. Ernie picked up the page and was in shock. Ernie silentl...

Did you hear? Copies of The Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, and The Silmarillion are considered one-of-a-kind when sold and traded.

They're Non-Fungible Tolkiens.

One Piece at a Time - in Soviet Union

Some guy works at a sewing machine factory, and his wife nags him to smuggle one out. No one will notice! Everyone does it! One piece at a time!

That's obviously easier than a car, eh? So the guy caves in. In a few months, he collected all the pieces he had access to and traded some pieces fr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Marine Biologist

My uncle is a marine biologist who grew up in Kansas. He moved to Los Angeles for grad school and never left. His first real job was as a lab tech at USC, where he spent several years before stumbling into a part-time instructor job, which he finally parlayed into a tenured faculty position. The wor...

These days, iron and steel are traded on the international commodity market, and if you need some, you just need to contact a trader.

Formerly, if you wanted iron or steel, you would need to go to an ironworks or even a blacksmith's and negotiate directly with the men who made it.

Whoever smelted, dealt it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man decided to go hunting...

He drove up to the wilds and stopped at a hunting supply shop. The owner sold the man a precision hunting rifle and then the man went out to hunt. He’d read lots of information about hunting, picked his spot downwind of the watering hole and he waited... and waited.

He was surprised by a ta...

Just traded my girlfriend for a bean burrito.

Food for thot.

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