This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used hydraulic press to squeeze my semen

You can call it a cumpressor.

I just saw a video of someone crushing a 6 pack of Coke in a hydraulic press. All that wasted cola made me so sad.

It was soda-pressing

What did the hydraulic press say to the air pump?

You’re pretty depressing aren’t you

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A few puns I thought of while trying not to get out of bed

What did the Alabama sister say to her sibling?

"Cum at me bro".



\-

Why did the wild fowl sneak into the girls washroom?

He was a peeking duck



\-

What did the fruit farmer say when asked about his crops?

"It's bananas"



\...

Why can't the hydraulic press guy bring himself to crush a can of sprite?

Because it's soda pressing

I also wanted to post a hydraulic press video...

... but your mom was busy.

What do you call a hard drive in a hydraulic press?

File compression

What is the difference between a tractor and a giraffe?

One has hydraulics, the other has high bollocks

Product testing

Manager : Guys we need to stop testing on animals
Supervisor : But Shampoo companies have been doing it for years
Manager : Yeah, but we make hydraulic presses.

There once was a young mechanic named Eric, who got a job on an off-shore oil derrick . . .

He wasn't about to be party to a limerick, so he devoted himself to doing the best job he could to assist with the maintenance of all the machinery. He looked after the power generators, the pumps, the hydraulic systems and even did a little work on the electric systems.

One day, Eric was wo...

Do You Smell That?

Bill’s wife goes out to buy a car. The salesman says, I recommend this one. She asks why. The salesman says, “Because it has hydraulic backspin brakes. Get in and I’ll show you.”

He drives the car 100 miles an hour toward a brick wall, and when he’s 100 feet away he jams on the brakes. They s...

What Engineer Designed The Human Body?

Four engineers are arguing over who designed the human body.

The mechanical engineer points to the ways the bones, the muscles, and the tendons are joined together and move so smoothly and efficiently, and claims it must have been a mechanical engineer.

The electrical engineer diagrams...

They say there's no opinions in science

But I've seen people get real heated over thermochemistry

And they really melt down when you bring up nuclear engineering

Have you seen how twisted people get when it comes to DNA?

Cartography is the worst, people are just all over the map

You should see how hormonal peop...

Whats the difference between a tractor and a giraffe? (first ever post in a year on reddit!)

One has hydraulics and the other high bollocks!

Brilliantly told by my Irish cousin.

Where does steel wool come from?

Hydraulic rams.

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