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Toys Jokes

Andy’s Mom in Toy Story probably has toys too.

They may even be called Woody and Buzz.

One Christmas Eve, many decades ago, Santa Claus announced to his elves, "I'm supposed to begin my annual flight in one hour. But there are still some toys that need to be made and put into my sack. I need all seven of my elite toymakers to finish the toys on time."

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Kringle," said the elf in charge of the workshop. "One of the elite toymakers is on vacation, and two are sick. I'm afraid we only have four elites tonight."

"So be it," said Santa.

It took two hours for the elves to finish making the toys. By the time they were done...

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There was company that sold toys to aliens.

It was SpaceXXX.

I wonder if Buzz and woody had ever met Andy's mom's toys.

They probably have the same names

Where does Walmart keep the Terminator toys?

Aisle B, back.

I got one of those Humpty Dumpty toys from Aldi.

It’s brilliant.

It comes with Aldi King’s horses and Aldi King’s men.

Dad: I'm giving all your toys to the orphanage

Kid: Why are you doing that?
Dad: So you don't get bored there.

Dad: I gave all your toys to the orphanage

Kid: Why did you do that dad?

Dad: So you won't get bored there.

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What's the deal with 'adult toys'?

I mean they always refer to things you can shove up your , but never like a big race car for grown ups!

I bought my 2 year old son some toys from the movie Toy Story.

It seemed like a good idea at the time because he loved those movies. Turns out, he didn't like the toys. Wailing, he threw a figurine at the wall, shattering it.


It was a total buzzkill.

If Toys-R-Us sells toys

Then Babies-R-Us must sell babies

Why do cuddly toys never eat?

Because they are stuffed

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There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.

The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the n...

I just donated all your toys to the orphanage

Dad : I just donated all your toys to the orphanage

Son: Why?

Dad: So you'll have something to play with when i take you there.

Why don't Chinese kids believe in Santa Claus?

Because they make the toys.

How can Santa afford all the toys he hands out?

With the money he makes off his ho-ho-hos.

Dad finds a toys set in his daughter's room

"Well, I'm assuming that punishing you is pointless..."

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Why do Frogs make for good toys?

They’re ribbited for your pleasure.

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What do you call the fungus that grows on toys?

Dildew.

Stop sending toys to children in Africa

It's gotta be depressing, getting a Tamagotchi that will outlive you.

When four of Santa's elves got sick...

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Christmas pressure.

Then, Mrs. Claus told Santa her mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When went to harness the reindeer, he fou...

Toys R Us

Said the stuffed Yoda doll to its stuffed padawans.

Titles of books you probably don't want your kid to read.

"You're Different and That's Bad."

"Why cant Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Socket be Friends?"

"Let's Find and Play With Mommy and Daddy's Toys."

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toys really get me!

They know me inside out!

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Girls can own as many toys as they like to without any repercussion

But when a guy own a single they're instantly gay.

Yes, Buzz Lightyear could kill all the other toys

But Woody?

Which Lord of the Rings character was upset because he had no toys to play with?

Legoless.

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What do tooth brushes and toys have in common?

They're better when they vibrate.

A father notices his son has a lot of new toys lately

he asks the boy how come he can afford them.

son: "Because of my hiking."

dad: "Hiking?, how do you get money by hiking?"

son: "There's this man that comes to visit mum a couple of times a week, while you're at work, he always gives me $10 and tells me to take a hike."

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My dog bit my bf so I had to put him down. I am crying while going through his toys.

The was on three dating sites. I saw it on his cellphone.

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Did you hear ISIS secretly makes toys?

They specialise in blow up dolls

How do you buy unlimited kid's toys?

Well first, you add a kid's item to your cart.

And then another...

And then another...

Add infant item

Why couldn’t the North Pole make enough toys this year?

Because they are short-staffed!

When I die I’m leaving my body to “Toys For Tots”.

I think children all over the world will behave a whole lot better if they knew that if they were bad Santa might bring them a rotting corpse for Christmas.

At school one day, Little Johnny’s teacher asks the class to use the word “contagious” in a sentence…

Cindy raises her hand. “Yes, Cindy?” She answers, “I was at the dentist’s office with my mom, and she said not to play with the toys in the waiting room because the other kids were contagious.”

“Very good, Cindy!” the teacher said, “Anyone else want to try?” Samantha raises her hand. “Yes, Sa...

Toys R Us

More like Toys Were Us (insert depressing drum roll here)

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After £1 million worth of toys are stolen

After £1 million worth of toys are stolen from a lorry in Kettering, police say the suspects may be sitting on the evidence and it’s unlikely they’ll come quietly.

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What does Kendrick Lamar say when loaning out his toys?

don't kill my vibe.

It's fairly normal if you talk to your dolls and toys.

It's totally not if they talk back.

Why can't toys made from paper move

Because they are stationary.

Retailers have pulled all the Darth Vader toys from their shelves...

Apparently they are a choking hazard.

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Toy Story felt was so incomplete.

Who let the toys out?

If Toys R Us had a book,

Chapter 11 would be named "bankruptcy"

My best 'adult' toys are made in Ireland.

They're my 'O' tools.

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My patent for a gold-plated plug got rejected

Apparently Apple has cornered the market on expensive toys for assholes.

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What is another name for Male Toys or Technology you use?

Erectronics

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My friend has a lucrative business supplying batteries for toys at the coast.

She sells C cells by the sea shore.

My​ wife wanted to use toys in the bedroom

All I can say is there was lego everywhere

A man takes a job at a you factory

He is hired on to work the production line for Tickle me Elmo. He settles into his position, is given a quick set of instructions by his new supervisor and set to work. After finishing the instructions, the supervisor says: "It's super easy. Let me know if you have any questions. I'm check back in ...

A child psychologist had twin boys

one was an optimist; the other, a pessimist. Just to see what would happen, on Christmas Day he loaded the pessimist’s room with toys and games.

In the optimist’s room, he dumped a pile of horse droppings. That night, the father found the pessimist surrounded by his gifts, crying. “What’s wr...

Why did the toy company stop donating toys to kids in Africa?

Because it's pretty depressing to have a Tamagotchi that'll out-live you.

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Introducing: The Karen Infection Collection toy line!

*Wheeze with laughter through your ventilator as you watch your children make short-term memories with... The Karen Infection Collection!*

*They'll love spending their last days playing with their new favorite toys, like Protestor Pete - who comes with accessories like a vial of crocodile tea...

I had a rough childhood. I couldn't play with toys that required supervision

I only had regular vision

Why wouldn't the lobster share his toys?

Because he was... shellfish.


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