Why do dice always prefer to be in twos?

Because it's a pair a' dice.

What is a German’s favorite dice game?

Nahtzee

Tommy bought a pack of 3 dice. He got rid of one. Why?

Because he wanted 2 die.

Did you hear about the guy who was pelted to death by dice?

Yeah, the police reports state that he died to death.

Board Game Shop

Me: I want a dice.


Clerk: The correct term is 'die'.


Me: I want 2 die.


Clerk: Plural is dice, alone it's die.


Me: I want 2 die alone.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A beautiful blonde walks up to a craps table...

She bets ten thousand on one roll of the dice. She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel luckier when I'm nude."

She strips down and rolls the dice. When she sees the dice she jumps for joy screaming "I won! I won!" She hugs the dealers, takes her winnings and leaves.

Finally, one o...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The die is cast

Hitler took a stroll in one of the concentration camps and he saw some Jews playing around with dice.
He came up to them saying : "if you roll a number from 1 to 5 you will die!
Jews : "And what if we roll a 6?"
Hitler smiled : "You get to roll the die again"

I have a strong personality

Whenever I want to go drinking I throw a dice, if I don't throw 6 I can't go.
Yesterdaynight I had to throw 8 times before I could go.

German authorities

German authorities have raided establishments where citizens have been playing dice games. They are doing all they can to stop the reformation of the Yahtzee Party.

Once, a blonde visits a bar......

.........she orders a drink and waits, she spots two guys betting with dice. She goes there to check it out. They were simply calling out a number and rolling a dice, if it landed on the said number, they won. She was interested, and asked if she could get a try at it. Both men agreed. The blonde be...

Here, have a joke in spanish

“sabe inglés?"

"si"

"como se dice 'un zapato' en inglés?"

"a shoe"

"salud"

"gracias”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table.

A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama need...

What does a gambling addict call heaven?

Pair-a-dice

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Man Dies and Goes to Hell

Upon his arrival, he is furious. He is roaring at the little imps that keep trying to drag him in, and demands to see his record.
Fed up, Satan goes up the man and says "Look, relax, man, it's Hell. We have all the sins down here! Look, you like to gamble, right?"

Flustered, the man resp...

[Long] Since you guys liked the last one, here's another joke from my country

In a far away kingdom, the king got married to a beautiful wife. After being married to her for a year, the king started to worry that his beautiful wife might be sleeping around.

So he got a blacksmith to build a device to fit in her ladyparts which will dice anything that goes in. He manag...

Why was the gambler obsessed with getting to heaven?

He heard it was a pair of dice.

Courtesy of my 8 year old. I'm a bad parent.

Our goal was to play D&D all day today but...

No dice.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Bet

Two casino dealers are at the craps table when a cute blonde comes over and says: "I want to bet $20,000 on a single roll of the dice. But, if you don't mind, I'd I feel much luckier if I were completely nude."

They agree to her unusual request and she strips naked from the neck down, and ro...

I'm sick and tired of EA's microtransaction on Battlefront 2.

An old habit never DICE, I guess.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A middle-aged couple is having trouble in bed.

A middle-aged couple is having trouble in bed - namely, the husband is having trouble making his wife orgasm. They visit a sex therapist who recommends they hire a young man to give the wife a foot massage during sex, hopefully to relax her and help her orgasm. They try it, and the husband fucks his...

A fun story about Dungeons and Dragons

I remember reading this great story, goes somewhere along these lines:

The party is traveling on a mountain in a blizzard, and every member rolls to see if they fall from the cliff. A dwarf warrior doesn't pass the check due to his armor, and falls.

DM: You fall from the cliff but hav...

A SEAL and his Sculpture

There was a Navy SEAL living undercover in the depths of Eastern Russia where they regularly hold ice sculpting competitions. He had been there for a while and was longing to liven up his stay there so he decided to enter the next one. There was a shop in town that he could buy sculpting supplies fr...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Do you like my jokes

1. My foot fell asleep and I was like, that's not a sock, that's a sleeping bag.
2. I wish banana peels had zippers.
3. My dog turned 3, so I gave him some beer.
4. *Computa*Dora The *Internet* Explorer
5. Harry Potter's motto with chicks is: Hit it 'n Quidditch ...

What do you use to gamble on vacation?

Pair-a-dice!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Cunning old bitch

So there was an old lady who entered the First National Bank of Perth one day with a big suit case. She approached the front counter.

"I'd like to speak to the manager please" she asked.

The cashier attempted to help her but she insisted. So the cashier went and got the manager.
...

A lady goes to the store to buy a hook

..to mount on a wall to hang her coat. She walks up to the counter with it but doesn't have a screw to mount it to the wall. The checkout guy says "do you want a screw for the hook? She answers ""No but I'll blow you for that toaster."

(A version of an old Andrew Dice Clay joke)

My favorite surprise joke.

From experience, this works best if you tell it when you return from a trip without flagging that it's a joke + adjust it to fit the trip:

Everything went fine until we got to the airport late in Barcelona. We ended up in the security line behind this Alice Cooper type, with piercings stickin...

Rene Descartes walks into a bar. The Bartender says, "Hey, Rene, you want a scotch?" Descartes replies, "No, I think not." And then he vanishes.

No dice.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My first job ...

When I was 15 I came home one day very excited, walked up to my father and said, "Hey dad! I just got a job!"

To which my father replies, "Congratulations son! How much does it pay?"

Confused, I respond, "Well, she charged me 50 bucks... If they're going to start paying me... Then I...

What is the name of that casino on the beach?

Pair-a-dice.