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Hobby Jokes

A man is in a pub, talking enthusiastically and at length about his hobby, skydiving.

He turns to a woman sitting close to him and asks, "Have you ever tried skydiving?"

"Only once," she replies. "Never again."

The man then realises that she's blind. "Oh, I'm sorry," he says, somewhat ill at ease, "does it have to do with your, uhm, condition?"

"Yes," she states,...

My Hobby

I tell all my friends that my hobby is dentistry because every time I talk to my wife it’s like I’m pulling teeth.

Hobby farm (long)

A city couple, Jim and Fiona bought a small farm to retire on, complete with four cows, but no bull. They wanted the cows to have calves, but couldn’t justify the expense of buying a bull when they only had four cows. As luck would have it, the farmer down the road ran a stud and had prize bulls. Ji...

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Hobby Lobby...

One afternoon a man and his wife walked into the local Hobby Lobby in order to get some craft supplies for their child's art project. The wife went straight to the craft supplies while the husbands eye was caught by the model airplanes. He walked down the aisle and turned the corner. Then walked do...

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A guy and his gf want to find a hobby to share

She suggests to sign up for dance lessions, but the guy refuses.

She asks him why, and he says "i just don't like to do things i'm not good at"

She then asks him "then why you keep fucking me?"

(Based on a true story)

A 72 year old man had one hobby - he loved to fish.

He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.' he looked around and couldn't see anyone.

He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say
Again, 'Pick me up.'

He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

The ...

What is a necrophiliac pirate's favorite hobby?

Diggin' for booty.

What was Dr. Frankenstein’s favourite hobby?

Bodybuilding...

I found a new hobby! It's autoerotique asphyxiation.

I'm so excited, I can hardly breathe.

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A Man, A Woman, A Hobby!

A man has been alone on a deserted island for ten years. One day a beautiful woman in SCUBA gear swims up on shore.

"Oh, thank God! I've been alone here for so long!"

She unzips the side of her wet suit, revealing a shapely arm, and says, "Then, you've probably not had one of these ....

I use to like origami as a hobby

But i gave up as it was alot of paperwork.

Trucker's hobby.

A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the road. Every time he would see a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him, and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back on the road.

One day, as the truck...

What's Neymar's favorite hobby?

Recreational diving.

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New hobby

I was visiting a local community center because I was interested in learning a new hobby.
On my way to the office, I passed a group of guys in a beat boxing class.
I walked in and decided to try and fit in with my beatboxing skills, "bootssskts bootsskts uhh uhh my name is Chris, Yall m...

A cannibal had an unusual hobby.

He would save the extremities of bodies and use them to form works of art. The others began questioning him. "What's up with all these pictures made out of fingers and toes?" they asked. He responded, "Oh, I just really like working with digital media."

[First Date] Her: So what do you do for a hobby?

Him: I collect complete season DVDs of 90s sitcoms.

Her: Do you have Friends?

Him: No.

I found a new hobby after 10 years of smoking

coughing up black stuff.

What was Jesus's secret hobby?

Crossdressing

My wife suggested a new hobby for me

DIY Wednesday

What's Jesus's favourite hobby?

Cross fit

My uncle took 4 pictures to to the hobby store to get frames made for them, but got mad when they took an hour to get them finished.

"Everybody gets 15 minutes a frame," the employee retorted.

My dad has this weird hobby, where he collects modern bottles

That sounds way better than alcoholic

Scuba divings a good hobby

If you wanna hit rock bottom.

Shooting guns is a stupid hobby.

Its much easier and more cost efficient to shoot targets!

Teacher: "What's your hobby, Mary?" "Knitting and swimming."

"But doesn't the wool get soggy?"

My buddy was telling about his new hobby of photographing Salmon in different outfits.

Apparently it's just like shooting fish in apparel.

You're never too poor for a hobby.

After all, there is kleptomania.

My new hobby is going to nursing homes and pretending to be a retired senior citizen.

We call it LAARPing.

What's your hobby ?

Boy : What's your hobby ?

Blonde : Fishing.

Boy : Wow, why do you like fishing ?

Blonde : Because I save fishes from drowning in water.

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I got kicked out of hobby lobby for dipping my balls in glitter

Pretty nuts huh!!

Where is the freedom of a slave whose hobby is making necklaces?

Independence.

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<nsfw> Saw 2 guys in hobby lobby dipping their testicles in glitter.

I thought they were pretty nuts.

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A rich man is looking to start a new hobby.

He heard that Warhammer 40k is a fun pastime so he decided to pay a visit to the local GW store.

"So what exactly do I need to start this hobby?" He asked.

"Well," the manager replied calmly."You will need to sell your kidneys, half of your liver and one of your lungs. I know a doctor ...

I have a hobby of drinking fancy water in elevators

Do you Evian-Lift?

My parents weren't supposed to know about my feline thieving hobby.

But I guess the cat's out of the bag now.

I needed a hobby so I decided to take up fencing.

My neighbors were furious.

I picked up guitar as a hobby.

But guitar isn’t the only thing I’ve learned to finger because of it.

"Mr. Stalin, what's your hobby?"

Stalin: My hobby?

Interviewer: Yes.

Stalin: Well, I collect political jokes.

Interviewer: How many have you collected?

Stalin: 2 and a half Gulags

The captain of our cruise has a hobby of determining what kitchen utensils would make cute couples.

I'm just glad he's shipping the sink, and not the other way round.

What is Chris Brown's favorite hobby? [OC]

Beats me.

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They found a guy in hobby lobby dipping his testicles in the glitter bins

One eye witness was quoted as saying "It was pretty nuts!"

So there was this king in Hawaii living in a straw thatch style palace whose hobby was collecting thrones...

Anytime some local carpenter created a new ornate chair, he had to have it for his collection. The guy was wild about them, it was his one true passion in life.

Well one day, lightning strikes during a thunderstorm and his palace burns down including his entire collection. He was crushed, ne...

I have been trying to find a new hobby

So lately i have been drag racing. I win most of the time, it's hard for them to outrun me in heels

I use to like going skiing. But that hobby...

Went downhill so fast

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My neighbor's wife is better than mine!

I've always felt an irresistible attraction for the neighbour next door.

One day, when speaking to her husband, he said:
"I need to have my apartment painted, but I work all day and I get tired. I tried to hire a professional painter but the guy asked me for the an arm and a leg ..."
...

After Arnold Schwarzeneggar got old, he made a hobby of getting rid of household pets.

He's the ex terminator.

Lately I have been really busy and it's interfering with my hobby of collecting all of the different types of spices...

...I just don't have the thyme.

If you take up drawing as a mid-life hobby, but you just can't get past tracing...

You might have an exit-stencil crisis.

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My therapist said I need to find a new hobby.

Besides pissing off therapists.

"So, Mr. Sean Connery, it is true that you're proud of your hobby of carpentry?"

"Yeah, I love talking about myshelf"

I used to steal toys from the hobby shop, but they caught me when I started taking the Airfix sets

I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you modelling kits!

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A list of books I've read this year

● Taming Wild Cats by Claude Face.


● Making Weatherproof Clothes by Ranier Day.


● All Aboard! by Abel Seamann.


● One Hundred Metres to the Bus Stop, by Willy Makit, illustrated by Betty Wont.


● The Greatest Detective Stories Ever Told by Watts E. Dunn.
...

A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students

A new lady teacher, came to teach 8th standard students. As it was the first day, she gave her intro, and asked all the students to introduce themselves with -name, and hobby. She said " Let's start with the boys first. Boys start giving their introduction.

First boy : " My name is john, and ...

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My therapist pleaded with me, “You need to go out more! Take up a hobby! Stop doing weird things!” I replied quietly, “Well, I went to the zoo." The therapist exclaimed proudly, “That’s what I mean! Did you get anything from that?!”

I slowly opened my coat and whispered, “I got this penguin..."

I used to be good at operating a boomerang.

It was difficult to re-learn a childhood hobby...

*but then it came back*

A man who collects model trains was driving his wife insane with all the money he was spending on his hobby

One day, he went too far and spent nearly $1000 on a model train. His wife was so furious she took the train and broke it over his head.
So he took her to court for domestic caboose.

Valeria Messalina was a powerful Roman empress, best known for her long and influential political career, and for her hobby of hanging out in brothels and prostituting herself.

Makes sense to me. If I had to spend my days with senators and rulers, I'd want to spend my nights with a better class of people, too.

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My Dad's a retired Gynecologist.

He's out sailing the world, sipping cocktails and enjoying his spare time hopping from hobby to hobby. I'm so happy for him.

It's like he used to say to his old clients, "as long as I put the work in now, the day will come when i'll be able to enjoy the fruits of your labia".

My doctor said the best thing I could do for my health was to go outside more. He told me to pick a fun outdoor hobby to motivate me to get out of the house.

So I started smoking.

Doctors

I was in the doctor's office today, and I saw a cupboard labelled:

"Faecal Collection"

And I thought to myself:

"Man, these guys have got to find themselves a better hobby!!"

New teacher joined in the school

Teacher- "Boys, tell me your names and hobbies"

1st boy- My name is Jack. My hobby is watching Moon .

2nd boy- My name is Harry. And my hobby is watching Moon .

3rd boy- My name is George & hobby is watching Moon .

Teacher- "wow nice nice, your hobbies are same .....

There was a man in a big city who got a job at a call center.

He was working 12 hour shifts everyday, he was entirely dedicated to his work.

He had a dog with him named Ricky and he used to play with it daily and had learnt a lot of skills in training dogs. It was his favorite dog. He also had another hobby of picking up dirty items off roads.

...

What do you call the reception area for the advocacy group that represents a major craft store chain?

The Hobby Lobby Lobby Lobby

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my step-sister walked in on me while I was masturbating.

my step-sister walked in on me while I was masturbating and incredulously asked "Are you seriously masturbating in here?"

I told her no, it was more like a hobby.

One day, legendary musician Sting becomes bored of music, and decides to try his luck at day trading.

He does a few online courses and begins trading.

On the first day Sting loses some money, but learns from it, and unpertrubed by the small losses he continues with it. On the second day, Sting loses a bit less, and learns even more. Happy with the results, he decides to sink some more money i...

If at first you don't succeed...

Skydiving obviously shouldn't be your hobby

This really crashes my belief system.

Hilary Clinton spent 40 years building up her career to lose presidency to a man who picked up politics as a hobby last year.

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Birds

Mr & Mrs Smith move into semi detached house in country sided. Next door is a widow and her daughter.
One sunny day Mrs Smith invites the pair round for tea.
I am sorry my husband is not here but he is out with his hobby.
"What's that" asks widow , "he's into ornithology" said Mrs Smith...

To get in shape, I need to pick up a sport as a hobby...

I was thinking about competitive eating.

Once there was a boy who really liked tractors...

Tractors were his biggest hobby. He had lots of toy tractors and on weekends he would go and watch the farmers drive their tractors around in the fields.
As he grew older, he still liked tractors, but not as much because he started to find other interests.
When he turned 20 he met a beautifu...

Imagine you were friends with Oasis lead singer, Liam Gallagher.

You two grew up together and were the best of friends. That friendship was like no other.

You both bonded over many things, but the hobby you both got into was baseball. You’d both play catch, practice your pitches, and even went to watch pro games together.

During high school, y...

10 most funniest jokes ever.

So far have we gone, stressing up ourselves today. Let me remind you something, ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY. What this popular saying meant is that we shouldn't spend all our time on work. At least, making out 20 percent of your total time should be enough fun.

Today, I have m...

Guy goes to the doctor...

Doctor: Findings show you should stop your fapping and get another hobby.

Guy: Seriously Doc?

Doctor: Seriously, Richard. Especially when I'm still talking to you.

The Pope was driving to the airport one day...

They got there super early. The pope decided he wanted to kill some time with his favorite hobby from before he became pope: driving. So he switched seats with his driver and off he went.

It had been years since he had driven a car, so he was flying down the highway. Soon a cop saw him doing...

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