At recess, all the children are playing outside.

Little Mohammed goes to the swings and asks Little Jack if he can play on the swings too.

"No, go away," replied Little Jack. "You're different and weird."

A bit shaken, Little Mohammed goes to ask Little Suzie if he can play with her on the monkey bars.

"No thanks, I'd rather n...

A class comes in from recess and is given a spelling test.

"Jimmy, what did you do during recess" asks the teacher. "I played in the sandbox with Sally" says Jimmy. "That's great! If you can spell 'sand' on the board, you get a cookie!" Jimmy does and gets his reward.

"Sally, what did you do during recess?" "I played in the sand box with Jimmy!" "Wo...

8-year old Alex had a crush on his teacher, so he stayed behind in recess.

The teacher asked Alex if something was wrong, since he wasn't out with the others.

"It's because I'm in love with you, Alex told her.

"Well," the teacher replied - "What If I don't like small children?".

"Then...we'll just have to be careful, I guess".

A 3rd grade class is coming back from recess...

When they get into the classroom, teacher says:

'Alright, we have a new student today, so we'll start this class nice and easy with a small discussion - what did you do during recess?'

The new student looked very nervous, so the teacher decided to start with someone else.

'How ...

A kindergarten class came back inside from playing at recess

The teacher likes to ask the kids what they did with their free time so he starts with Mary. "Mary, what did you do at recess today?" Mary said that she played in the sandbox. The teacher says, "that sounds like a lot of fun! If you can spell "sand" on the blackboard then you can have a cookie." Mar...

A 2nd grade class just gets in from recess...

The teacher tells the class they're going to do a spelling assignment that relates to what they did for recess. "If you can come up to the board and write the word I give you, you'll get a gold star for the day," the teacher explains. "Tommy, what'd you do for recess?" she asks the first student. ...

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One day 3 kindergartners decided to compare their dicks during recess.

The first two were close in size but the third had a much larger penis. The first two boys quickly decided the third boy didn't count because he was black and "everyone knows black people have large wee-wees."

The black friend was hurt by this and when he went home he told his mom all about ...

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A Jew, an Italian, and a Black guy at recess [Possibly NSFW and offensive]

Once, there were three third graders. One was Italian, one was Jewish, and one was Black. They were at recess. They were also good friends.

"Whaddya wanna play?", the Black guy said.

"Uh...soccer", the Jew said.

"I can't run. Remember my leg?", the Italian guy said.

"How ...

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A multiethnic group of third grade boys are sitting around at recess.

They're all nearing that magical age where the birds and the bees are becoming more and more fascinating; so they all decide to compare dicks. The white third grader pulls his out first, and it's pretty hum-drum, nothing special about it. The Hispanic third grader pulls his out, and it's bigger than...

Little Johnnie

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living.
Timmy stood up and said, "My mom is a Doctor!"
Sarah stood up and said, "My father is a professor!"
All of the class but Little Johnny had answered.
The teacher called on Johnny and he slowly walk to the fron...

Biggest Pee Pee

There were three boys all in third grade: an Asian boy, a Spanish boy and a redneck. They were trying to think of games to play at recess when the Asian boy got an idea. "I know," he said, "we can play 'Who's Got the Biggest Pee Pee'".

"How do you play that?" asked the redneck.

"It'...

“Great rewards come to those who wait.”

A young man, soon to be a father, is visiting his dad’s deathbed the month before his future child is to be due. His mother, having died years prior, left him distraught beyond comprehension.

The young man’s father, riddled with cancer, breathed his last few words to his only son before he mo...

George Bush goes to a primary school

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his talk, he offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand and George asked, What is your name?

Bob

And what is your question, Bob?

I have 3 questions.

First, why did the USA invade Iraq with...

God's Punishment

There lived a rabbi who was an avid golfer and played the game at every opportunity. He was so addicted to the game that he would get withdrawal symptoms if he didn't play. One day the rabbi thought to himself, "What's it going to hurt if I go out during the recess and play a few rounds. Nobody will...

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A college kid was hitchhiking through the hills of Scotland

A college kid was hitchhiking through the hills of Scotland, when, as is the custom in such areas, an unexpected rainstorm came up. Seeking shelter, he found an old stone pub with a light on, and stumbled in through the front door. The pub was painfully small, with just a handful of stools, a bark...

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Penis Contest

Three third-graders, a Jew, an Italian, and an African American are on the playground at recess. The Jewish kid suggests that they play a new game. "Let's see who has the largest dick," he says. "Okay," they all agree.

The Jewish kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out. "That's nothing," s...

There was a kidnapping at my son's school today

but they woke him up in time for recess.

So one day, Hillary Clinton was going to an elementary school to talk aboit her job.

She gives a speech and then asks for questions. Little Timmy raised his hand and Hillary called on him.
"I have three questions. 1) What was Ben Ghazi? 2) What was the Uranium One deal? 3) What happened back in Arkansas?"
Hillary was just about to answer his question when the recess bell rang ...

A couple is going through a divorce and custody of the son comes into question.

The father presents evidence that the wife hits the poor boy whenever he misbehaves the slightest. The mother reveals evidence that the father would get belligerently drunk and use his belt on the boy.

The Judge suggests letting the boy live with his grandfather, but it turns out that almost ...

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Hillary Clinton is speaking at a fourth grade class

She opens the floor up for a question and answer period. A boy raises his hand.

"Yes, what's your name?"
"Hi, I'm Timmy and I have three questions. 1. How did you manage to lose 6 billion dollars as Secretary of State? 2. What actually happened at Benghazi? 3. Why did you delete 33,000 ema...

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A guy is caught by a ranger eating a Bald Eagle...

A guy is caught by a ranger eating a Bald Eagle and is consequently put in jail for the crime. On the day of his trial, the conversation went something like this:

Judge: "Do you know that eating a Bald Eagle is a federal offense?"

Man: "Yes, I did. But if you let me argue my case, I'll...

Hillary Clinton speaks to the schoolchildren

Teacher: Class please welcome Hillary Clinton today. She will answer your questions.

Hillary: Hello class. Who has the first question?

*Johnny raises hand*

Johnny: My name is Johnny. I have 3 questions.

- Why did you lie about Benghazi?
- What was in those emails you d...

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Dreading another day of being teased and bullied at school, Tyrone was trudging along the sidewalk,

dragging his hand along the neighbor's fences when he felt something wet. He looked at his hand to find white paint on his fingers and got a brilliant idea. Tyrone rubbed his hands up and down the fence and slathered his face and body with white paint.

People immediately treated Tyrone better...

Blowing Bubbles

A teacher asked two of her students a girl, and a boy, what they did during recess.

Girl: I was blowing Bubbles!

Boy: I was blowing Bubbles too!

The teacher then noticed another boy walking into her class from recess she did not recognize. She asked, "You must be new, What's you...

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Today's lession will be about the moral of a story...

If any student can tell me a story and then correctly tell me the moral of that story we will have recess the rest of the day. Little Beverly raises her hand...

My daddy works at a chicken farm. Each Sunday we gather all the eggs, put them in a basket, and take them to market. Last Sunday...

My son told me about a kidnapping at his school...

The teacher eventually woke the kid up for recess.

I remember my first kiss.....

it was during recess, by the swings. Her name was Liz, she was in 4th grade. We were talking, I don't know what came over me, I grabbed her face and kissed her. It lasted about 10 seconds, we both awkwardly kissed each other, it took us both by surprise.

That night, it was all I could th...

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Suzy and Johnny had to change school systems in the middle of the year.

Suzy and Johnny had to change school systems in the middle of the year. On their first day in the new school, Suzy went into her first grade classroom, and Johnny went to his fourth grade classroom.

In the first grade classroom, the teacher called Suzy up to the front and said "Class, we have...

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Place urine sample here for diagnosis. [Long Joke]

A man walks into a doctor's surgery with a sore elbow. The receptionist tells him there is a one hour wait, so he sits down in the waiting area and starts looking around sheepishly and wondering whether his minor problem is worth such a wait for a diagnosis.

In the corner of the room he notic...

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Here's a joke I heard awhile back.

Its a bit racist. Please don't send me angry PMs.

In the kindergarten playground at recess 3 male students were comparing their penis sizes. There was an Asian boy, a white boy, and a black boy. The Asian boy and white boy had penises about the same size, but the black boys penis was much big...

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You Should'nt mess with a gambler:P

Johnnie's father took him to class his first day of school. Johnnie's dad pulled the teacher aside and told her, Johnnie has a bad gambling problem so don't make a bet with him you can't win.

The teacher agreed. When the teacher was passing out the text books Johnny said, teach I'll make a be...

Police Officer's Comeback

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility.
..

Q: 'Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'...

A Weenie Contest.

Three 3rd Graders, an Irish, an Italian, and a Black are in the bathroom during recess and they decide to have a weenie contest to see who has the biggest weenie! The Irish boy pulls his out first and it's pretty small. The Italian goes next and it's about average. Then the Black Boy pulls his ou...

BUSINESS IS BUSINESS

A young Jewish boy starts attending public school in a small town. The teacher of the one-room school decides to use her position to try to influence the new student. She asks the class, "Who was the greatest man that ever lived?"A girl raises her hand and says, "I think George Washington was the gr...

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A collection of lawyer jokes.

My grandfather was a lawyer & judge and had a fantastic sense of humor. He has many humorous law books, and the following are some his favorite selections from Larry Wilde's book *The Ultimate Lawyers Joke Book*. Hope you enjoy..

___________________________________________________________...

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Genitals in the classroom ...

One day in a normal school classroom, the teacher went in after recess and found a penis drawn on the blackboard. She couldn't find the eraser, so she just cleaned it with her hand, thinking it was just a prank the kids were playing on her.

The next day after recess, the teacher found yet ano...

Little Billy in Math class

Little Billy was in math class and the teacher asked, 'If there are 4 birds on a telephone wire, and the farmer shoots one of them off, how many are left?' Little Billy raises his hand and the teacher calls on him, 'Yes Billy?' Little Billy says 'Zero! Because when the farmer shoots the other bir...

Three bird on a wire

A teacher asks her class, "If there are three birds perched on a wire and a hunter shoots one, how many will be left."

Timmy raises his hand and answers, "There won't be any left. The one will be dead, and the other two will have been scared off by the noise of the rifle."

The teacher...

Q & A with Ms Sonia Ghandi

Ms Sonia Ghandi is visiting a school. She goes to one class, gives a brief statement and says to the class full of rural children, "Ask me anything!"

So Pappu stands up. "Madam Sonia-ji, I have three questions. One, why are you not the prime minister of India; Two, who ordered the police t...

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