A group of first graders come in from recess

Once they all sat down the teacher grabbed a piece a chalk and walked to the chalkboard. "Jimmy, what did you do for recess?" Jimmy replied, "I played in the sandbox." "Very good, the teacher said, If you can come to the board and spell sand I will give you a cookie". Jimmy approaches the board and ...

Little Johnny is on recess playing on the playground when he see his dad drive into the woods next to the school.

Curious as to what his dad's doing, little Johnny decided to skip school to see what was going on.

When he gets to the woods he finds his dad there with his aunt Jenny. Well aunt Jenny is on her knees helping Johnny's dad relieve himself.

After school little Johnny runs home to tell ...

Kids get back into the classroom after playing at recess

and the teacher says, “who can tell me what they did at recess?” Sally raises her hand and says, “I played in the sandbox.” “That sounds like fun, Sally! If you can correctly spell sand, I will give you a cookie, replied the teacher.

“Sand, S.A.N.D. Sand” said Sally with a smile.

“Cor...

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Three third graders, a Jewish kid, an Italian kid and a Hillbilly kid are on the playground at recess.

The Jewish kid suggests that they play a new game "Lets see who has the largest penis," he says. "Okay." They all agree. The Jewish kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out. "That's nothing," says the Italian kid. He whips his out. His is a couple of inches longer. Now not to be outdone, the Hillb...

Recess and cookies

An elementary teacher asks her students what they did during recess.

Teacher: Johnny what did you do doing recess?

Johnny: I played in the sandbox.

Teacher: Okay, if you can write the word "sand" on the board, you get a cookie.

Johnny writes "sand" and gets his cookie....

A retired man purchased a home near a high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace, then the new school year began...

...One afternoon early into the first semester, three loud young boys came down his street, beating merrily on every bin they came across. They then did so the following day and the day after that, until finally the retiree decided it was time to take some action.

The next afternoon, he walke...

As a kid I loved playing games during recess

But I drew a line at hopscotch

What do you call Bob the builder during a recession?

Bob

(I'm sorry idk why, but I had to post this)

What's a mathematician's favorite recess game?

4^2

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One time in first grade at recess...

I went up to this girl I liked in my class and started talking to her. This lil asshole kid came up and loudly exclaimed "shes MY girlfriend" I was mad so I punched him as hard as I could in the nose. Blood and tears everywhere. In an act of passion I kissed the girl and the other teachers freaked o...

At recess, all the children are playing outside.

Little Mohammed goes to the swings and asks Little Jack if he can play on the swings too.

"No, go away," replied Little Jack. "You're different and weird."

A bit shaken, Little Mohammed goes to ask Little Suzie if he can play with her on the monkey bars.

"No thanks, I'd rather n...

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The purple flower joke. (Very long)

Once there was a boy in 5th grade, and he really liked this girl (simp) and he knew that she liked the color purple.

So one day during recess he found these purple flowers and decided to make his move on the girl, so he walked up to her (with the flowers) and said "You are my purple flower" a...

A 2nd grade class just gets in from recess...

The teacher tells the class they're going to do a spelling assignment that relates to what they did for recess. "If you can come up to the board and write the word I give you, you'll get a gold star for the day," the teacher explains. "Tommy, what'd you do for recess?" she asks the first student. ...

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A Jew, an Italian, and a Black guy at recess [Possibly NSFW and offensive]

Once, there were three third graders. One was Italian, one was Jewish, and one was Black. They were at recess. They were also good friends.

"Whaddya wanna play?", the Black guy said.

"Uh...soccer", the Jew said.

"I can't run. Remember my leg?", the Italian guy said.

"How ...

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What did the dominant allele say to the recessive allele?

No homo.

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The recession is getting so bad...

wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.

8-year old Alex had a crush on his teacher, so he stayed behind in recess.

The teacher asked Alex if something was wrong, since he wasn't out with the others.

"It's because I'm in love with you, Alex told her.

"Well," the teacher replied - "What If I don't like small children?".

"Then...we'll just have to be careful, I guess".

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Recession beater.

Wife says to husband, "If you cycle to work, we can get rid of the second car." He replies, "If you take it up the arse and let me cum on your face, we can get rid of the nanny!"

Thanks to recession I'm back on my feet again.

The bank took my car.

Why did the recessive gene decide to enter genetic therapy?

It wanted to learn how to express itself.

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Little Timmy fell asleep in class and woke up during the last ten minutes of recess.

He was feeling pretty horny as he woke up with a raging boner, so he decided to use the last 10 minutes of recess to masturbate so he could get rid of it. So he's in the bathroom jacking off, and he's having trouble getting himself to orgasm. He then hears the bell that signals that class is startin...

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One day 3 kindergartners decided to compare their dicks during recess.

The first two were close in size but the third had a much larger penis. The first two boys quickly decided the third boy didn't count because he was black and "everyone knows black people have large wee-wees."

The black friend was hurt by this and when he went home he told his mom all about ...

What's long, hard, and waiting for you?

The upcoming global recession

A 3rd grade class is coming back from recess...

When they get into the classroom, teacher says:

'Alright, we have a new student today, so we'll start this class nice and easy with a small discussion - what did you do during recess?'

The new student looked very nervous, so the teacher decided to start with someone else.

'How ...

Court Ruling from the UK

A seven year old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should’ve custody of him.
The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with the child custody law and regulation...

Due to the recession and to save on energy costs,

the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off.

In an African tribe village, the chieftain's wife gave birth to a white skinned child.

The chieftain quickly figured the voluntary doctor from Europe might be to blame. So the chieftain asked him to talk in his tent.

Chieftain: "Today my wife gave birth to a white child. She and I are dark skinned. You are white. It doesn't take a doctor to figure out that you have slept with ...

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There was once a rabbi who loved to play golf.

He loved it so much he could not bear not to play for more than a few days and was beggining to get addicted.

One year, on Yom Kippur - the day of atonement and the holiest of all high Jewish holidays, the rabbi thought to himself, "What's it going to hurt if I go out during the recess and ...

Is being a sub a recessive gene?

Sure is hell ain't a dominant one.

The difference between recession and depression.

Recession: When you neighbor loses his job.

Depression: When you lose yours.

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In times of economic recession

A blow job is better than no job

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Well

A five-year-old boy asked his friend what a penis was. His friend's response was that he did not know and he would ask his dad.

That evening the second boy asked his dad. His dad gladly exposed himself to his son and, holding his penis in one hand, said, "Son, this is a penis. In fact, if yo...

Made this one up a couple months ago walking my daughter home from school after a snow day...

My daughter and her friend were telling me that they were building a chair out of snow at recess and it inspired this gem of a dad joke.

If a chair made of snow is a snair,
And a table made of snow is a snable,
What is a house made of snow?
.
.
.
.
.
An igloo of course...

Hillary Clinton goes to a gifted-student primary school in New York to talk about the world.

After her talk she offers to answer questions from the kids.

One little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name is.

"Kenny," he says.

"And what is your question, Kenny?" she asks.

"I have four questions," he says.
"First -- what happened in Benghazi? Seco...

Me: I reckon if we got a dog we should call it Noodles.

Wife: That's silly, we eat noodles.

Me: If this recession gets bad enough, yes, we would.

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[NSFW] One time after swimming class with 3th grade the boys in the locker room noticed that I wasn't circumcised.

I first noticed it when I heard some whispering while getting changed. Eventually in class they where still talking about it the whole time. During recess a group of kids came to me to ask if they can see it. First I was a little shy, but after some pear pressure I gave in.
So we went to the toil...

A judge was hearing a case between two parties.

During recess, one party approached the judge and offered a sum of money for a favorable decision. His honorable happily accepted the bribe.

When the other party knew the judge was bribed, they approached him and offered twice the amount of the opposing party. Like the first party, his honor...

Once Upon A Time there was a International Poets Contest. All the poets from across the lands came to compete bringing there best original work to compete against their peers. For 40 days and nights they competed eliminating Poet after Poet.

On the 40th day they had narrowed it down to only 2 poets. Both poets read poems back to back for 12 hours, each poem as good as the last. After the 12th hour the judge’s became exhausted and realized that this may never end as both poets were equally amazing. They had to decide a winner and they ha...

The true reason behind why Germany 's government aid artist in time of crisis

Because they have seen what an artist from Austria was capable of during the great recession.


P.s go read some ww2 history if u dont get it

Biggest Pee Pee

There were three boys all in third grade: an Asian boy, a Spanish boy and a redneck. They were trying to think of games to play at recess when the Asian boy got an idea. "I know," he said, "we can play 'Who's Got the Biggest Pee Pee'".

"How do you play that?" asked the redneck.

"It'...

There was a kidnapping at my son's school today

but they woke him up in time for recess.

A couple is going through a divorce and custody of the son comes into question.

The father presents evidence that the wife hits the poor boy whenever he misbehaves the slightest. The mother reveals evidence that the father would get belligerently drunk and use his belt on the boy.

The Judge suggests letting the boy live with his grandfather, but it turns out that almost ...

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A guy is caught by a ranger eating a Bald Eagle...

A guy is caught by a ranger eating a Bald Eagle and is consequently put in jail for the crime. On the day of his trial, the conversation went something like this:

Judge: "Do you know that eating a Bald Eagle is a federal offense?"

Man: "Yes, I did. But if you let me argue my case, I'll...

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Hillary Clinton is speaking at a fourth grade class

She opens the floor up for a question and answer period. A boy raises his hand.

"Yes, what's your name?"
"Hi, I'm Timmy and I have three questions. 1. How did you manage to lose 6 billion dollars as Secretary of State? 2. What actually happened at Benghazi? 3. Why did you delete 33,000 ema...

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Hillary Clinton speaks to the schoolchildren

Teacher: Class please welcome Hillary Clinton today. She will answer your questions.

Hillary: Hello class. Who has the first question?

*Johnny raises hand*

Johnny: My name is Johnny. I have 3 questions.

- Why did you lie about Benghazi?
- What was in those emails you d...

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Little Johnnie

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living.
Timmy stood up and said, "My mom is a Doctor!"
Sarah stood up and said, "My father is a professor!"
All of the class but Little Johnny had answered.
The teacher called on Johnny and he slowly walk to the fron...

What do you call it when fewer and fewer school kids go to the playground?

A recession.

My son told me about a kidnapping at his school...

The teacher eventually woke the kid up for recess.

I will not live to see that day :(

Three old men went to see God.

The first old man, an American, asked God when will his country come out of recession. "100 years," God said.
The American started weeping profusely. "I will not live to see that day"

Second man, a Russian asked God "When will my country become pros...

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A college kid was hitchhiking through the hills of Scotland

A college kid was hitchhiking through the hills of Scotland, when, as is the custom in such areas, an unexpected rainstorm came up. Seeking shelter, he found an old stone pub with a light on, and stumbled in through the front door. The pub was painfully small, with just a handful of stools, a bark...

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Place urine sample here for diagnosis. [Long Joke]

A man walks into a doctor's surgery with a sore elbow. The receptionist tells him there is a one hour wait, so he sits down in the waiting area and starts looking around sheepishly and wondering whether his minor problem is worth such a wait for a diagnosis.

In the corner of the room he notic...

Blowing Bubbles

A teacher asked two of her students a girl, and a boy, what they did during recess.

Girl: I was blowing Bubbles!

Boy: I was blowing Bubbles too!

The teacher then noticed another boy walking into her class from recess she did not recognize. She asked, "You must be new, What's you...

[Long] A successful man, working as a sales representative...

...in a large company, tells his boss one day, “If you want me to continue working for you, I need a 20% raise.
You have 24 hours to give me an answer.
I have four companies chasing me, so let me know your decision”.

The boss is alarmed. “In this recession, a 20 percent raise?
So...

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You Should'nt mess with a gambler:P

Johnnie's father took him to class his first day of school. Johnnie's dad pulled the teacher aside and told her, Johnnie has a bad gambling problem so don't make a bet with him you can't win.

The teacher agreed. When the teacher was passing out the text books Johnny said, teach I'll make a be...

I remember my first kiss.....

it was during recess, by the swings. Her name was Liz, she was in 4th grade. We were talking, I don't know what came over me, I grabbed her face and kissed her. It lasted about 10 seconds, we both awkwardly kissed each other, it took us both by surprise.

That night, it was all I could th...

A Weenie Contest.

Three 3rd Graders, an Irish, an Italian, and a Black are in the bathroom during recess and they decide to have a weenie contest to see who has the biggest weenie! The Irish boy pulls his out first and it's pretty small. The Italian goes next and it's about average. Then the Black Boy pulls his ou...

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Today's lession will be about the moral of a story...

If any student can tell me a story and then correctly tell me the moral of that story we will have recess the rest of the day. Little Beverly raises her hand...

My daddy works at a chicken farm. Each Sunday we gather all the eggs, put them in a basket, and take them to market. Last Sunday...

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A collection of lawyer jokes.

My grandfather was a lawyer & judge and had a fantastic sense of humor. He has many humorous law books, and the following are some his favorite selections from Larry Wilde's book *The Ultimate Lawyers Joke Book*. Hope you enjoy..

___________________________________________________________...

Police Officer's Comeback

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility.
..

Q: 'Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'...

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Suzy and Johnny had to change school systems in the middle of the year.

Suzy and Johnny had to change school systems in the middle of the year. On their first day in the new school, Suzy went into her first grade classroom, and Johnny went to his fourth grade classroom.

In the first grade classroom, the teacher called Suzy up to the front and said "Class, we have...

Joke submission

There was once a contest to see who could come up with the best pun!
I delved into the recesses of my mind, researched and ask friends for all their best jokes.
Finally, after laborious work, I settled on ten, and sent them in, one by one, in the hopes of my hard work paying off.

Week...

BUSINESS IS BUSINESS

A young Jewish boy starts attending public school in a small town. The teacher of the one-room school decides to use her position to try to influence the new student. She asks the class, "Who was the greatest man that ever lived?"A girl raises her hand and says, "I think George Washington was the gr...

A donkey walks into a bar....

A donkey walks into a bar.
"Where's the horse?" asks the barman.
"Recession," says the donkey.

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A nervous young man arrives for the first time at the house of his new girlfriend...

A nervous young man arrives for the first time at the house of his new girlfriend, and is greeted at the door by her father and Baron, the family dog. The young man is invited to sit in the living room to visit with the dad while his date is getting ready upstairs, and Baron wags his tail and sits ...

Walking Economy

A guy is walking down the street with his friend. He says to his friend, "I'm just a walking economy."

His friend replies, "What do you mean?"

"It's like this: My hairline is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and the combination of these factors is putting me into a de...

Little Billy in Math class

Little Billy was in math class and the teacher asked, 'If there are 4 birds on a telephone wire, and the farmer shoots one of them off, how many are left?' Little Billy raises his hand and the teacher calls on him, 'Yes Billy?' Little Billy says 'Zero! Because when the farmer shoots the other bir...

Scientists have discovered a Gene that makes women more receptive to threesomes

It's a recessive gene though, so both parents have to not love her for the trait to manifest.

Three bird on a wire

A teacher asks her class, "If there are three birds perched on a wire and a hunter shoots one, how many will be left."

Timmy raises his hand and answers, "There won't be any left. The one will be dead, and the other two will have been scared off by the noise of the rifle."

The teacher...

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Q & A with Ms Sonia Ghandi

Ms Sonia Ghandi is visiting a school. She goes to one class, gives a brief statement and says to the class full of rural children, "Ask me anything!"

So Pappu stands up. "Madam Sonia-ji, I have three questions. One, why are you not the prime minister of India; Two, who ordered the police t...

This morning I saw a homeless guy talking to his shadow...

Does that mean six more weeks of recession?

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"A father says to his son,"

"It's going to be tough in this recession."

The son says "Tell me something I don't know."

The father says "Your mum's ass can take my whole fist."

So, a middle school science class is learning about genetics

and the students are working with recessive and dominant eye colors in punnett squares. A few minutes into the activity one student beckons the teacher over. He has a very concerned look on his face.

The teacher is a little worried. This has happened before. Every once in a while a stud...

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