People give anti-vaxxers a hard time, but they gave us one important thing...

A control group for our studies confirming that vaccines do not cause autism.

Why should you never give an obese person a hard time?

They already have enough on their plate.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The church in my town fell on hard times recently...

There wasn't hardly enough money coming in to keep the lights on. So, with the approval of the priests, the friars began selling flowers from the Church's magnificent garden. They were a hit, and soon the flower money was rolling in in droves. A few days after they start, however, Tony, the local fl...

People are giving Robert Kraft a hard time for paying someone to give him a tug, but let's be honest...

Giving _yourself_ a tug isn't that comfortable when you've got 6 rings on.

Everyone should stop giving zombies a hard time...

...they just want piece of mind.

I'm having a hard time getting my German Chinese fusion restaurant going.

It's called Chow Mein Kampf.

After falling on hard times, Mike Tyson decided to set up a "get punched by a celebrity" booth at the state fair, but sadly there was little interest.

Yeah he was hoping for a punch line too.

Carrots have a hard time getting rid of bad habits.

It's a deeply rooted issue.

Why did the Navy captain have a hard time keeping up his insults of the island people?

He had a wrecked isle diss function.

I had a hard time deciding if I wanted to get a lobotomy

But in the end, it was a no-brainer.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

In hard times, a young woman turns to prostitution...

For obvious reasons, she tries to keep this hidden from her only relative, her old grandma.

One cold evening, the brothel that the prostitute works in is raided by police. All sex workers are forced to wait in a line outside to show identification and documents.

As luck would have it, ...

My vacuum cleaner was having a hard time doing its job. Yet the one I bought to replace it didn’t work either.

It really sucks

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A married couple, recently married fall on hard times...

and are about to be evicted. After much debate, they agree the wife will prostitute to earn the cash they need. That evening, they set up shop on the street below their apartment. The husband wishes her luck and says he'll be across the street in the car watching for her safety. After a short while,...

Joke my 9 year old daughter, Emma made up: What kind of list does Emma have a hard time with?

List-ening!

(She has ADHD)

Before I started working out, I used to have a hard time picking up chicks.

Now I can toss them in the back of the van no problem.

Why do dogs have a hard time listening to music?

Because they keep pressing paws

After he fell off the wall, Humpty Dumpty fell on hard times....

He couldn’t get his life together. Humpty didn’t remember eggsactly what happened. He was diagnosed with amnesia and his memories were scrambled from that moment. Humpty walked out of the hospital he was all yolked up and crying. He fell to drugs and became a crack head. Humpty became a true shell o...

For some reason, I have a hard time renting trailers.

I never seem to pull it off without a hitch.

I had a hard time learning to read the word "yoyo" in Braille.

I can't put my finger on y...

My douchebag nephew puts on loads of deodorant and I have a hard time understanding him.

He has too strong of an axe scent.

A woman is having a hard time getting her tomatoes to ripen so she goes to her neighbor with her problem.

The neighbor says, "All you have to do is go out at midnight and dance around in the garden naked for a few minutes, and the tomatoes will become so embarrassed, they will blush bright red." The woman goes out at midnight and dances around her garden naked for a few minutes. The next morning, the ne...

A woman's having a hard time finding a healthy relationship

A woman's having a hard time finding a healthy relationship so she decides to place a very specific ad for a lover in the newspaper. The ad reads, "I am looking for someone who will never hit me, never walk on out on me, and is good in bed." A few days later, her doorbell rings. She answers the door...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Harry and his wife are having hard times, so they decide she'll become a hooker...

She's not sure what to do, so Harry says, "Stand in front of the bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you've got a question, I'll be parked around the corner."

She's not in front of the bar for 5 minutes when a guy pulls up in a car and says, "How much?"

She says, "A hu...

A defendant isn’t happy with how things are going in court, so he gives the judge a hard time.

Judge: “Where do you work?”

Defendant: “Here and there.”

Judge: “What do you do for a living?”

Defendant: “This and that.”

Judge: “Take him away.”

Defendant: “Wait; when will I get out?”

Judge: “Sooner or later.”

Do you know why kleptomaniacs have such a hard time understanding puns?

Because they take things literally.

Why does Kylo Ren have a hard time making friends?

Because for most of his life, he's Ben Solo.

I'm having a hard time trying to decide on which pencil to use for my English literature exam.

2B or not 2B - that is the question.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why did the limbo contestant have such a hard time winning?

His wife had slipped him a Viagra.

I always have a hard time remembering how that stupid Boomerang App works

But eventually it always comes back to me

How do you make a weiner go soft but simultaneously make it experience hard times?

Sentence it to 21 months in prison.

Why does Batman have such a hard time making decisions?

Because he grapples with lots of things

My ex is having a really hard time moving on

From what I can tell through his blinds, he is currently eating (something we always did).

Why does USA have hard time competing in chess tournaments?

They are missing two towers

Why do programmers have a hard time with improv?

They can't execute without a script.

So the Germans were having a hard time against the entrenches Italians in WW1

Lt Rommel has an idea: "Hey, a lot of Italians are named Luigi. I say we try calling out 'hey, Luigi', and when they stick their head out to answer, we shoot them." It was decided that it was worth a try so early the next morning the Germans launch their new "offensive".

A German soldier call...

I was having a hard time remembering my PIN on my debit card....

So I changed it to 0911. That way I never forget.

James Bond hits upon hard times and finds himself facing a job seeker interview...

James Bond hits upon hard times and finds himself facing a job seeker interview,

"Well Mr Bond we have two positions we can offer you, one is giving lectures to children on the benefits of a career in military intelligence, and the other is in the fabric staining department of a yarn mill. "<...

Why do mathematicians have a hard time moving on in relationships?

Because they're always trying to find the x.

They don't know y, either.

People always give bridge builders a hard time...

They're just trying to make ends meet.

Does anyone else have a really hard time having a conversation on a carousel?

I always feel like I'm talking in circles.

Why do Pandas have such a hard time mating in captivity?

Because all of their broads are in Atlanta

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I'm having a hard time with not using sexual innuendos. But it's hard

*So hard*

Why did the pony have such a hard time talking?

He was a little horse

How come Rhonda Rousey had a hard time making friends when she was younger?

Because she was Holm schooled.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A crusty old man walks into the local Lutheran Church and says to the secretary, "I would like to join this damn church."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church." And with that said, the secretary lea...

IKEA has been accused of evading over $500 million in taxes. Apparently, prosecutors have been after them for years...

...but they're having a really hard time putting their case together.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man walks into a bank.

He walks over to the teller and says to her "I want to open a fucking bank account."

The teller says "Sir, there is no need for that kind of language..."

The man says "What kind of language? All I said was that I want to open a fucking bank account."

The teller says "Sir, if you...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

We just found out that my grandfather left all his money to Pornhub.

Apparently it was there for him during the hard times.

A blond woman drives by a cornfield.

While driving, she looks out her window and saw that in the middle of the cornfield was another blond woman, sitting in a boat, and rowing as if the boat was in water.

The blond in the car was amazed by what a stupid thing she was looking at. So she stops her car, gets out, and yells "It's bl...

An older couple were having a hard time remembering things..

They arrived home from a walk and after a few minutes watching Television, the wife suddenly looks at her husband and says to him:

"You know, I could really go for some icecream! Would you mind going to the kitchen and getting me some?"

Her husband, always happy to be kind, walks to th...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Man pimps out his wife

A couple fell on hard times and found themselves in desperate need of money. The husband asked his wife if she would be willing to prostitute herself for a few nights for some quick cash. She was hesitant at first but finally agreed when her husband said he would follow her for protection.

...

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer.

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. After having the beer, he asks the bartender for the bill. "$3", says the bartender.

The man just for fun goes on and places $1 coin on the three ends of the table. The bartender gives him a bad look but has no other option but to pick them up.
...

The gambler.

This is a long one.
During the depression a guy walks into a bar and asks for a round for the house. The bartender skeptical due to the hard times requires payment. When the guy pulls out a huge wad of cash the bartender’s eyes get huge and he asks, “where did you get all that from?!”
He res...

Did you hear about the guy who has reverse erectile dysfunction?

He having a real hard time at the moment.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A young man walked into a bank

And he said to the teller "I want to open a fuckin' checkin' account."

The young lady gasped. "I beg your pardon, but we don't tolerate that language in this bank."

"Get your fuckin' supervisor!" the man said.

In a few moments, the supervisor came up. "What's the problem?"
...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A miner comes down from the mountains after a couple weeks of work.

A miner comes down from the mountains after a couple weeks of work. He walks into the town saloon and orders a whiskey. The bartender serves him. After he finishes his whiskey, he asks the bartender,

“Say, is there anywhere around here a guy can get some action? I’ve been in the mine and I ha...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Guy walks into a bank...

He waits in line and gets called to the window of an older teller. When she asks how she can help, he replies, "I wanna open a fuckin' savings account."

The teller is offended and informs him, "Sir, please don't use such language in the bank. Now, you say you wish to open a savings account?"<...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A newlywed couple moves into a house they've bought recently

They want to name the house but are having a hard time coming up with a suitable name. The couple comes into an agreement; they'll name the house after whatever is the next thing one of them says. A couple of hours of silence go by until the man trips while carrying some boxes into the house. Loudly...

Did you hear about the soldier who got fired?

His superiors had a hard time finding a man of similar caliber.

If you have enough money, always buy the big box of condoms

That way you will always have one during hard times.

A cowboy's horse died on his way to town...

As he was walking down the dusty trail, he happened across a ranch. With a renewed sense of hope, he asked the stable keeper if he had any horses for sale.

"Sorry, I've fallen on hard times myself. I had to sell all of my horses!"

The cowboy noticed a rather strange-looking horse stand...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

This guy walks into a bar, takes a seat and puts a bag onto the bar

He reaches into the bag and pulls out a little piano and then a little seat. Then this little guy comes out of the bag takes a bow, has a sits down and start playing the piano. A man with a hat sitting next to the man with the bag exclaims, "That's amazing! How did you get this little guy?"

...

Metal medal

There was once an extremely handsome, gorgeous doctor Jones. Apart from his good looks he was extremely skilled. One day, he was the only doctor in the hospital, and yet he still managed to tend to and medicate every single patient who needed his help! The community decided to recognize his achievem...

A moral businessman always pays his tithe

A young man becomes a successful businessman very early on in life. Being a faithful member of the church he always pays his tithe for years and years.

He later falls upon hard times and so he talks to his banker. His banker lets him know that things are worse than the man had realized, he co...

The Ladder

On my way back from work, I stop the car in the driveway and see my neighbor doing something quite strange.
Going up and down a ladder against the side of his garage, he seemed to be having some trouble with a tape measure.
It looked like he was trying to measure the ladder itself, though I th...

There is a mysterious crime spree going on at our local IKEA.

The cops are having a hard time putting the pieces together.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

College pregnancy

A college girls rushes to the hospital. Her water has just broke and she is now in labour. As she begins to push, the doctor asks if the father should be present. She answers “I’m not really sure who the father is. You see, I was having a hard time paying for my college tuition. To make some quick c...

Senior Shoplifter

A cranky older woman "in her senior years" was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store. She gave everyone a hard time, from the store manager to the security guard to the arresting officer who took her away. She complained and criticized everything and everyone throughout the process.

Whe...

I went to church on Sunday and the message from the pulpit was to "love your enemies."

But I have a hard time even liking my friends.

A journalist was tasked to interview the best costume maker in the world...

So the journalist asked for an appointment with the costume maker, and luckily, he accepted.

Now this costume maker might be famous, but no one but himself and a few people know his real name. His identity was shrouded in mystery. The name he goes by is Mr. D.D., which are his initials. The j...

A huge earthquake shook Mexico

Around 3000 people died.

The world combined efforts to help Mexico during these hard times.

England gave medicine.

France sent food.

Germany made huge donations.

USA sent 3000 Mexicans to replenish the stock

For my birthday, I got gifted a sticky deck of cards.

I'm having a hard time dealing with it.

A little man is sitting at the bar...

A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig.

The poor little guy starts crying.

"Come on man. I was just giving you a hard time," the biker says. "I did...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A typical macho man married a typical good looking lady

A typical macho man married a typical good looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules. "I'll be home when I want, if I want, what time I want, and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table, unless I tell you that I won't be home for...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man with 3 girlfriends is trying to figure out which one of them to marry.

There was a man who had 3 girlfriends, but he did not know which one to marry. So he decided to give each 1 $5000 and see how each of them spent it.

The first 1 went out and got a total makeover with the money. She got new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the m...

The doctor said I’d suffer with erectile dysfunction...

But it hasn’t given me a hard time