My girlfriend has been having a really hard time with her hay fever and diabetes, so I thought I’d get her something nice.

Nothing fancy, just some flowers and chocolates.

People give anti-vaxxers a hard time, but they gave us one important thing...

A control group for our studies confirming that vaccines do not cause autism.

I've been reading this book about how people have a hard time euthanizing their pets

I just cant put it down

I was having a real hard time finding something warm to wrap around my neck and could have used some help.

It was a scarf issue that I wish you saw.

Why should you never give an obese person a hard time?

They already have enough on their plate.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The church in my town fell on hard times recently...

There wasn't hardly enough money coming in to keep the lights on. So, with the approval of the priests, the friars began selling flowers from the Church's magnificent garden. They were a hit, and soon the flower money was rolling in in droves. A few days after they start, however, Tony, the local fl...

Everyone should stop giving zombies a hard time...

...they just want piece of mind.

My vacuum cleaner was having a hard time doing its job. Yet the one I bought to replace it didn’t work either.

It really sucks

After falling on hard times, Mike Tyson decided to set up a "get punched by a celebrity" booth at the state fair, but sadly there was little interest.

Yeah he was hoping for a punch line too.

I'm having a hard time getting my German Chinese fusion restaurant going.

It's called Chow Mein Kampf.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

In hard times, a young woman turns to prostitution...

For obvious reasons, she tries to keep this hidden from her only relative, her old grandma.

One cold evening, the brothel that the prostitute works in is raided by police. All sex workers are forced to wait in a line outside to show identification and documents.

As luck would have it, ...

People are giving Robert Kraft a hard time for paying someone to give him a tug, but let's be honest...

Giving _yourself_ a tug isn't that comfortable when you've got 6 rings on.

Why did the robot have a hard time swimming?

Because it was a little rusty

Why did the Navy captain have a hard time keeping up his insults of the island people?

He had a wrecked isle diss function.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A married couple, recently married fall on hard times...

and are about to be evicted. After much debate, they agree the wife will prostitute to earn the cash they need. That evening, they set up shop on the street below their apartment. The husband wishes her luck and says he'll be across the street in the car watching for her safety. After a short while,...

I had a hard time deciding if I wanted to get a lobotomy

But in the end, it was a no-brainer.

My douchebag nephew puts on loads of deodorant and I have a hard time understanding him.

He has too strong of an axe scent.

Joke my 9 year old daughter, Emma made up: What kind of list does Emma have a hard time with?

List-ening!

(She has ADHD)

Before I started working out, I used to have a hard time picking up chicks.

Now I can toss them in the back of the van no problem.

I do not have a hard time finding friends. The have a hard time finding me.

At least I hope they still search for me. This hide n seek game is already two days long...

Why do dogs have a hard time listening to music?

Because they keep pressing paws

After he fell off the wall, Humpty Dumpty fell on hard times....

He couldn’t get his life together. Humpty didn’t remember eggsactly what happened. He was diagnosed with amnesia and his memories were scrambled from that moment. Humpty walked out of the hospital he was all yolked up and crying. He fell to drugs and became a crack head. Humpty became a true shell o...

For some reason, I have a hard time renting trailers.

I never seem to pull it off without a hitch.

I had a hard time learning to read the word "yoyo" in Braille.

I can't put my finger on y...

A woman is having a hard time getting her tomatoes to ripen so she goes to her neighbor with her problem.

The neighbor says, "All you have to do is go out at midnight and dance around in the garden naked for a few minutes, and the tomatoes will become so embarrassed, they will blush bright red." The woman goes out at midnight and dances around her garden naked for a few minutes. The next morning, the ne...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Harry and his wife are having hard times, so they decide she'll become a hooker...

She's not sure what to do, so Harry says, "Stand in front of the bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you've got a question, I'll be parked around the corner."

She's not in front of the bar for 5 minutes when a guy pulls up in a car and says, "How much?"

She says, "A hu...

I'm having a hard time trying to decide on which pencil to use for my English literature exam.

2B or not 2B - that is the question.

A woman's having a hard time finding a healthy relationship

A woman's having a hard time finding a healthy relationship so she decides to place a very specific ad for a lover in the newspaper. The ad reads, "I am looking for someone who will never hit me, never walk on out on me, and is good in bed." A few days later, her doorbell rings. She answers the door...

Why does Kylo Ren have a hard time making friends?

Because for most of his life, he's Ben Solo.

A defendant isn’t happy with how things are going in court, so he gives the judge a hard time.

Judge: “Where do you work?”

Defendant: “Here and there.”

Judge: “What do you do for a living?”

Defendant: “This and that.”

Judge: “Take him away.”

Defendant: “Wait; when will I get out?”

Judge: “Sooner or later.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why did the limbo contestant have such a hard time winning?

His wife had slipped him a Viagra.

So the Germans were having a hard time against the entrenches Italians in WW1

Lt Rommel has an idea: "Hey, a lot of Italians are named Luigi. I say we try calling out 'hey, Luigi', and when they stick their head out to answer, we shoot them." It was decided that it was worth a try so early the next morning the Germans launch their new "offensive".

A German soldier call...

Why did the hitman have such a hard time getting married?

No witnesses.

My ex is having a really hard time moving on

From what I can tell through his blinds, he is currently eating (something we always did).

I always have a hard time remembering how that stupid Boomerang App works

But eventually it always comes back to me

Do you know why kleptomaniacs have such a hard time understanding puns?

Because they take things literally.

In the 1900s an English town had fallen on really hard times

For decades its primary industry had been its textile mills, but now the mills were all closed and unemployment was at an all-time high.

Desperate, the town's mayor looked frantically around for other industries to bring to his town. He found that there was a man in Germany who waslooking fo...

Why does Batman have such a hard time making decisions?

Because he grapples with lots of things

How do you make a weiner go soft but simultaneously make it experience hard times?

Sentence it to 21 months in prison.

James Bond hits upon hard times and finds himself facing a job seeker interview...

James Bond hits upon hard times and finds himself facing a job seeker interview,

"Well Mr Bond we have two positions we can offer you, one is giving lectures to children on the benefits of a career in military intelligence, and the other is in the fabric staining department of a yarn mill. "<...

Why does USA have hard time competing in chess tournaments?

They are missing two towers

I was having a hard time remembering my PIN on my debit card....

So I changed it to 0911. That way I never forget.

Why do mathematicians have a hard time moving on in relationships?

Because they're always trying to find the x.

They don't know y, either.

Why do programmers have a hard time with improv?

They can't execute without a script.

Why did the redditor have a hard time getting life insurance?

It's hard to insure what you don't have.

People always give bridge builders a hard time...

They're just trying to make ends meet.

Why do Pandas have such a hard time mating in captivity?

Because all of their broads are in Atlanta

How come Rhonda Rousey had a hard time making friends when she was younger?

Because she was Holm schooled.

I'm having a hard time...

contrtolling my erections.

An older couple were having a hard time remembering things..

They arrived home from a walk and after a few minutes watching Television, the wife suddenly looks at her husband and says to him:

"You know, I could really go for some icecream! Would you mind going to the kitchen and getting me some?"

Her husband, always happy to be kind, walks to th...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Harry Potter has way too many characters...

Even J.K. Rowling has a hard time keeping all the characters straight.

Does anyone else have a really hard time having a conversation on a carousel?

I always feel like I'm talking in circles.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How the Germans bailed out Greece

It is a slow day in a little Greek Village. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted.

&#x200B;

Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

&#x200B;

On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the village, ...

An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout "PRAISE THE LORD!"

Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!"
Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for GOD to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted "PRAISE THE LORD. GOD I NEED FOOD!! I AM HAVING A HAR...

IKEA has been accused of evading over $500 million in taxes. Apparently, prosecutors have been after them for years...

...but they're having a really hard time putting their case together.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Man walks into a bank

He steps up to the teller and says...
"I would like to open a fucking checking account"

The teller looks at him and says "I would love to help you sir, but could you please watch your language"?

The man say.
"Listen Bitch, shut your mouth and open a new checking account for me!"<...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One day, a woman finds herself in an armed robbery at her local bank.

She's pregnant with triplets, and has a hard time getting to the ground then the robbers ask her to get down. In a frenzy, she is shot three times in the stomach, and is rushed to the hospital.

&#x200B;

While she's there, the doctors find that the babies are all still okay. But the...

I signed up for a soccer team and they asked me my favorite position.

I told them missionary style but lately I've had a hard time scoring.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

We just found out that my grandfather left all his money to Pornhub.

Apparently it was there for him during the hard times.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Cussing In Church

A crusty old man  walks into the local Lutheran Church and says to the
secretary, "I would like to  join this damn church."


The astonished  woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have
misunderstood you. What did  you say?"


"Listen up, damn  it. I said I wa...

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer.

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. After having the beer, he asks the bartender for the bill. "$3", says the bartender.

The man just for fun goes on and places $1 coin on the three ends of the table. The bartender gives him a bad look but has no other option but to pick them up.
...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Man pimps out his wife

A couple fell on hard times and found themselves in desperate need of money. The husband asked his wife if she would be willing to prostitute herself for a few nights for some quick cash. She was hesitant at first but finally agreed when her husband said he would follow her for protection.

...

A blond woman drives by a cornfield.

While driving, she looks out her window and saw that in the middle of the cornfield was another blond woman, sitting in a boat, and rowing as if the boat was in water.

The blond in the car was amazed by what a stupid thing she was looking at. So she stops her car, gets out, and yells "It's bl...

Did you hear about the guy who has reverse erectile dysfunction?

He having a real hard time at the moment.

The gambler.

This is a long one.
During the depression a guy walks into a bar and asks for a round for the house. The bartender skeptical due to the hard times requires payment. When the guy pulls out a huge wad of cash the bartender’s eyes get huge and he asks, “where did you get all that from?!”
He res...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Guy walks into a bank...

He waits in line and gets called to the window of an older teller. When she asks how she can help, he replies, "I wanna open a fuckin' savings account."

The teller is offended and informs him, "Sir, please don't use such language in the bank. Now, you say you wish to open a savings account?"<...

A cowboy's horse died on his way to town...

As he was walking down the dusty trail, he happened across a ranch. With a renewed sense of hope, he asked the stable keeper if he had any horses for sale.

"Sorry, I've fallen on hard times myself. I had to sell all of my horses!"

The cowboy noticed a rather strange-looking horse stand...

Did you hear about the soldier who got fired?

His superiors had a hard time finding a man of similar caliber.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

College pregnancy

A college girls rushes to the hospital. Her water has just broke and she is now in labour. As she begins to push, the doctor asks if the father should be present. She answers “I’m not really sure who the father is. You see, I was having a hard time paying for my college tuition. To make some quick c...

If you have enough money, always buy the big box of condoms

That way you will always have one during hard times.

Metal medal

There was once an extremely handsome, gorgeous doctor Jones. Apart from his good looks he was extremely skilled. One day, he was the only doctor in the hospital, and yet he still managed to tend to and medicate every single patient who needed his help! The community decided to recognize his achievem...

A journalist was tasked to interview the best costume maker in the world...

So the journalist asked for an appointment with the costume maker, and luckily, he accepted.

Now this costume maker might be famous, but no one but himself and a few people know his real name. His identity was shrouded in mystery. The name he goes by is Mr. D.D., which are his initials. The j...

A moral businessman always pays his tithe

A young man becomes a successful businessman very early on in life. Being a faithful member of the church he always pays his tithe for years and years.

He later falls upon hard times and so he talks to his banker. His banker lets him know that things are worse than the man had realized, he co...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

This guy walks into a bar, takes a seat and puts a bag onto the bar

He reaches into the bag and pulls out a little piano and then a little seat. Then this little guy comes out of the bag takes a bow, has a sits down and start playing the piano. A man with a hat sitting next to the man with the bag exclaims, "That's amazing! How did you get this little guy?"

...

Senior Shoplifter

A cranky older woman "in her senior years" was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store. She gave everyone a hard time, from the store manager to the security guard to the arresting officer who took her away. She complained and criticized everything and everyone throughout the process.

Whe...

A huge earthquake shook Mexico

Around 3000 people died.

The world combined efforts to help Mexico during these hard times.

England gave medicine.

France sent food.

Germany made huge donations.

USA sent 3000 Mexicans to replenish the stock

The Ladder

On my way back from work, I stop the car in the driveway and see my neighbor doing something quite strange.
Going up and down a ladder against the side of his garage, he seemed to be having some trouble with a tape measure.
It looked like he was trying to measure the ladder itself, though I th...

There is a mysterious crime spree going on at our local IKEA.

The cops are having a hard time putting the pieces together.

I went to church on Sunday and the message from the pulpit was to "love your enemies."

But I have a hard time even liking my friends.