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A married couple had fallen on hard times. The wife proposed that she work the corner giving blowjobs for money.

The husband doesn't like the sound of it, but reluctantly agreed because he has no other option. He couldn't sleep the first night she worked, and was awake when she finally came back in the morning. He asked how it went, and she says it was actually pretty fun.

"How much did you end up maki...

I grabbed a pack of Oreos out of the cabinet, but I had such a hard time getting them open that the pack suddenly ripped down the side and spilled them all over the floor.

Now they’re just Flooreos.

The Mandalorian fell on hard times and had to take a job in a body building and health food shop. Turns out he was unexpectedly great at it and smashed the commission targets. He'd just direct people to the protein powder section, and say...

..."This is the whey"



(Sorry)

I have a hard time talking to kleptomaniacs.

They’re always taking things literally.

I've had a hard time figuring out why I don't consider cottage cheese truly "cheese"

But it's just a curd to me

Reddit seems to have a hard time vetting their employees when a simple search would have been sufficient

Nevermind, they must have tried using Reddit search.

After being on Reddit for a year, I'm having a really hard time writing this..

After all, coming up with the perfect joke is no piece of cake!

I used to have a hard time understanding which GPU to buy for my computer.

But since the prices are now in the names, it's much more simple!

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So, the church in my town fell on hard time recently

There wasn't hardly enough money coming in to keep the lights on. So, with the approval of the priests, the friars began selling flowers from the Church's magnificent garden. They were a hit, and soon the flower money was rolling in in droves. A few days after they start, however, Tony, the local fl...

I think most dogs have a hard time

every time I ask one how their day is going, they always say "rough".

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Hey sexy, are you having a hard time understanding U.S. Federal tax code?

... cause I'm Intuit.

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My therapist says I have a hard time expressing my emotions,

I can’t say I’m surprised.

Buddy of mine was complaining about work, having a hard time dealing with his two aides.

I said tell me about it, I just got my third hepatitis.

I have a hard time reading woman's signals.

I once tried going to the red light district, but I didn't stop.

Jesus was having a hard time spreading his message...

So God turned him off and on again

Sometimes I have such a hard time remembering my favorite Celine Dion song

..but it's all coming back to me now.

IKEA has been accused of evading over $500 million in taxes. Apparently, prosecutors have been after them for years but they’re having a really hard time…

…putting their case together.

I have a hard time trusting people that use pencils to draw.

They're sketchy.

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It must be a hard time for homosexuals searching for partners

Most of them are not coming out.

In these hard times, I wanted to give some hope to people who a family member in coma at the hospital...

...so I put a half eaten sandwish in each of the comatose patients' hands.

What does a chicken do when they fall on hard times?

Chicken strips

People in Athens have a hard time waking up early

Because dawn is tough on grease

I’m having a hard time remembering the punchline of this joke about the wife who found her husband, naked and unconscious, after he’d cheated for the last time.

The long and short of it was in her hands.

During these hard times, you know what’s got me down the most?

Gravity.

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A man runs a small business and falls on hard times......

....He has only two employees that work for him and he needs to lay one off in order to maintain the business. He realizes he has a tough choice ahead, on one hand there's his employee Debbie, a good employee but she's raising two children and he knows she really needs the job. On the other hand the...

My grandad is getting old and he’s “starting to have a hard time with all the stares”

It’s his own fault, I told him not to get that face tattoo.

Sean Connery had fallen on hard times. His work had completely dried up.

Then one day out of the blue his agent rang and said "Sean, I've got a job for you. It starts tomorrow, you've got to get there early, for 10'ish." Sean frowned "For 10'ish? But I havent even got a racket!"

The US government has been there for us through hard times From the great depression, the numerous market crashes, through pandemics of flu and tragedies like the loss of American lives.

I'm starting to think they're bad luck

As a blind man, I have a hard time eating fish

I can't seafood

People give anti-vaxxers a hard time, but they gave us one important thing...

A control group for our studies confirming that vaccines do not cause autism.

Guys come on, we shouldn't give fat people such a hard time.

They have enough on their plate already.

I don't know why everyone had such a hard time finding Anne Frank.

When I went to Amsterdam, there was literally signs all over the place telling me where her house is.

My ex is going thru a hard time so I decided to send her a food package care package...

Fed Ex.

I use to be a caregiver but now I'm having a hard time finding a new job

All of my references are dead

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Why did the Japanese man have a hard time finishing? (NSFW)

Because every time he tried to please himself he got the stroke order wrong.

Why did thor have such a hard time accepting his brother was actually a frost giant?

He was loki racist

This is an awfully hard time for me financially.

Last month I was unable to pay the bills to my exorcist and as a consequence I have been repossessed.

You know, I was gonna make a joke about how I have a hard time reading dictionaries,

But I just couldn't find the words for it.

What does Reddit call it when a man is supportive of a woman during hard times?

Simpathy.

Today, I had a hard time getting a tree stump out from under the ground...

That was pretty root of it if you ask me

My wife was giving me a hard time about drinking too much over the weekend. I finally agreed to quit cold turkey.

I don't much care for leftovers anyway.

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In hard times, a young woman turns to prostitution...

For obvious reasons, she tries to keep this hidden from her only relative, her old grandma.

One cold evening, the brothel that the prostitute works in is raided by police. All sex workers are forced to wait in a line outside to show identification and documents.

As luck would have it, ...

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Throwing a party for everyone who has a hard time getting an orgasm.

Let me know if you can’t come

I've been reading this book about how people have a hard time euthanizing their pets

I just cant put it down

Joke my 9 year old daughter, Emma made up: What kind of list does Emma have a hard time with?

List-ening!

(She has ADHD)

Cops have a hard time catching fat criminals

They are always at large and on top of that its impossible to narrow down on them

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A married couple, recently married fall on hard times...

and are about to be evicted. After much debate, they agree the wife will prostitute to earn the cash they need. That evening, they set up shop on the street below their apartment. The husband wishes her luck and says he'll be across the street in the car watching for her safety. After a short while,...

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I heard the guy with diarrhea is having a hard time.

I hope he gets his shit together soon.

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A woman's having a hard time finding a healthy relationship

A woman's having a hard time finding a healthy relationship so she decides to place a very specific ad for a lover in the newspaper. The ad reads, "I am looking for someone who will never hit me, never walk on out on me, and is good in bed." A few days later, her doorbell rings. She answers the door...

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Harry and his wife are having hard times, so they decide she'll become a hooker...

She's not sure what to do, so Harry says, "Stand in front of the bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you've got a question, I'll be parked around the corner."

She's not in front of the bar for 5 minutes when a guy pulls up in a car and says, "How much?"

She says, "A hu...

Trent Reznor is going to have a hard time getting into heaven...

....because Jesus hates nine inch nails.

Someone told me I have a hard time picking up on social cues

I think shes in love with me

A guy's girlfriend is having a hard time parking the car. He tells her "You ought to get tested." She says, "Why? Am I that bad?"

He says. "No. I've got chlamydia."

I'm having a hard time trying to decide on which pencil to use for my English literature exam.

2B or not 2B - that is the question.

Why does Kylo Ren have a hard time making friends?

Because for most of his life, he's Ben Solo.

My vacuum cleaner was having a hard time doing its job. Yet the one I bought to replace it didn’t work either.

It really sucks

I do not have a hard time finding friends. The have a hard time finding me.

At least I hope they still search for me. This hide n seek game is already two days long...

Why do bakers in marijuana dispensaries have a hard time keeping their jobs?

Because of the high turnover.

After falling on hard times, Mike Tyson decided to set up a "get punched by a celebrity" booth at the state fair, but sadly there was little interest.

Yeah he was hoping for a punch line too.

So the Germans were having a hard time against the entrenches Italians in WW1

Lt Rommel has an idea: "Hey, a lot of Italians are named Luigi. I say we try calling out 'hey, Luigi', and when they stick their head out to answer, we shoot them." It was decided that it was worth a try so early the next morning the Germans launch their new "offensive".

A German soldier call...

Everyone should stop giving zombies a hard time...

...they just want piece of mind.

I was having a real hard time finding something warm to wrap around my neck and could have used some help.

It was a scarf issue that I wish you saw.

I'm having a hard time getting my German Chinese fusion restaurant going.

It's called Chow Mein Kampf.

James Bond hits upon hard times and finds himself facing a job seeker interview...

James Bond hits upon hard times and finds himself facing a job seeker interview,

"Well Mr Bond we have two positions we can offer you, one is giving lectures to children on the benefits of a career in military intelligence, and the other is in the fabric staining department of a yarn mill. "<...

Why do mathematicians have a hard time moving on in relationships?

Because they're always trying to find the x.

They don't know y, either.

People are giving Robert Kraft a hard time for paying someone to give him a tug, but let's be honest...

Giving _yourself_ a tug isn't that comfortable when you've got 6 rings on.

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Why did the limbo contestant have such a hard time winning?

His wife had slipped him a Viagra.

A woman is having a hard time getting her tomatoes to ripen so she goes to her neighbor with her problem.

The neighbor says, "All you have to do is go out at midnight and dance around in the garden naked for a few minutes, and the tomatoes will become so embarrassed, they will blush bright red." The woman goes out at midnight and dances around her garden naked for a few minutes. The next morning, the ne...

Before I started working out, I used to have a hard time picking up chicks.

Now I can toss them in the back of the van no problem.

Carrots have a hard time getting rid of bad habits.

It's a deeply rooted issue.

My ex is having a really hard time moving on

From what I can tell through his blinds, he is currently eating (something we always did).

My douchebag nephew puts on loads of deodorant and I have a hard time understanding him.

He has too strong of an axe scent.

I was having a hard time remembering my PIN on my debit card....

So I changed it to 0911. That way I never forget.

I always have a hard time remembering how that stupid Boomerang App works

But eventually it always comes back to me

Why did the Navy captain have a hard time keeping up his insults of the island people?

He had a wrecked isle diss function.

Why do dogs have a hard time listening to music?

Because they keep pressing paws

I had a hard time learning to read the word "yoyo" in Braille.

I can't put my finger on y...

People always give bridge builders a hard time...

They're just trying to make ends meet.

For some reason, I have a hard time renting trailers.

I never seem to pull it off without a hitch.

Why do Pandas have such a hard time mating in captivity?

Because all of their broads are in Atlanta

Does anyone else have a really hard time having a conversation on a carousel?

I always feel like I'm talking in circles.

Why does Batman have such a hard time making decisions?

Because he grapples with lots of things

How do you make a weiner go soft but simultaneously make it experience hard times?

Sentence it to 21 months in prison.

Mexicans are having a hard time facing the facts that the Trump administration is going to build a wall...

But they'll get over it.

Why does USA have hard time competing in chess tournaments?

They are missing two towers

Why do programmers have a hard time with improv?

They can't execute without a script.

A defendant isn’t happy with how things are going in court, so he gives the judge a hard time.

Judge: “Where do you work?”

Defendant: “Here and there.”

Judge: “What do you do for a living?”

Defendant: “This and that.”

Judge: “Take him away.”

Defendant: “Wait; when will I get out?”

Judge: “Sooner or later.”

How come Rhonda Rousey had a hard time making friends when she was younger?

Because she was Holm schooled.

An older couple were having a hard time remembering things..

They arrived home from a walk and after a few minutes watching Television, the wife suddenly looks at her husband and says to him:

"You know, I could really go for some icecream! Would you mind going to the kitchen and getting me some?"

Her husband, always happy to be kind, walks to th...

Milk that cow..

Three handsome crop farmers (brunette, redhead, and blonde) liked the same farm-girl. The farm-girl had a big dairy farm.

One day the three farmer friends decided to ask her, who she would like to go out with. Since they were all very handsome, the farm-girl had a hard time deciding, so she ...

The man who wrote “the hokie pokie” died recently

They had a real hard time trying to fit him into the coffin though.

It all started when they put his right leg in..

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Donating

A woman (Tiffany) has fallen on hard times lately. She sees an ad online stating this company will buy her eggs for $200 a pop.

She goes to the building and gets in the elevator and presses the button for the 2nd floor. A man gets on and presses "5." The woman recognizes him as a friend from ...

What did the talking pony who had laryngitis and didn't understand humor say to the doctor?

I'm having a hard time speaking clearly.

A man wins a horse race

A man won a horse race after the other horse dropped dead before reaching the finish line.

However, the winner had a hard time enjoying his victory, because it’s no fun beating a dead horse!

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Guy meets a blond in a bar

A guy meets a blond in a bar. He chats with her for a while, then she excuses herself to go to the bathroom.

While she is gone, a friend of his comes up and tells him that the blond he is talking to is actually a guy dressed like a girl.

The guy has a hard time believing this and deci...

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A magician was performing at a nursing home.

The magician said he was going to hypnotize the people that he was performing for. He started hypnotizing them with his watch. When they were hypnotized the magician dropped the watch and he said "shit!". The nurses had a hard time after.

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A man frantically enters the bank and runs to the nearest female teller

Man: I want to open a fucking bank account

Teller: Excuse me sir?

Man: I want to open a bank account, right the fuck now

Teller: Sir please watch your language, this is a public space

Man: I don't think you understand woman, I NEED to open a fucking bank account!

T...

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Farmer can't get his cows to mate.

There's a farmer, who is having a hard time getting his cows to mate. Specifically, the bull doesn't seem like he can ever get into the mood. He's tried everything he can think of, but this bull just won't do it.

So he gives up on his own wisdom, and consults a cow expert. He approaches the e...

The Brazilian president and his spouse are staying at a hotel in the USA, in the room 222

Close to 17:00 he calls the room service from the landline and says the following.

tu ti, tu tututu

The attendant has a hard time understating that request and considering that it is the president, not just some normal customer, comes to the conclusion that he must have overheard an en...

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