Thugs Jokes

One can read, one can write, and the third keeps an eye on the two intellectuals.

One of them says, "Where's Joey? He never misses poker night."

His friend says, "Oh, didn't you hear? Joey's dead."

"Awww, that's a shame. How did he die?"

"Well, he went to the doctor last week and found out he had gonorrhoea."

"So? Gonorrhoea isn't fatal."

"It is... read more

...all of the guests immediately stopped what they were doing and quietly left. Don Cappelli’s face was very well-known around the city, and while he was ‘saving’ business after business from going bankrupt and helping families at their time of need, nobody dared ask where his money came from, nor d... read more

Because there's zero G's

Hoo-ligans

They never got to sit up front

He looks off into the distance and see's his mother-in-law exiting a store. As she glances over towards the couple, 6 thugs jump her and start attacking her.

The husband looks on in shock while the wife screams:

"Don't just stand there! Aren't you going to help!?"

The husband r... read more

3 thugs are being chased be the police. They suddenly see a giant and beg him to hide them. The giant decides to help the thugs. He hides one in his pocket, another in his mouth, and keeps the last one hidden in his hand.

Policemen run up, and ask the giant if he saw someone suspicious. The ... read more

The man ran into a circular building so that he could distract them from his friend who was a slow runner, he was alone in the circular building and had to fight them alone.
5 minutes later he came out unscathed.

His friend asked, "How did you get out of there alive?"

"They couldn'... read more

Such pointless wonton destruction.

They are both going to miss every body.

So I decided to bounce.

I ran back into the house and locked the door.

"So, how was your walk", she asked.

"I didn't go, it's way too muggy."

I guess they control the Tennis Racket around here.

The flower shop down the road was furious. They were being under priced at every turn and they were going to go out of business if things kept up. So they hired a group a thugs to go and rough up the shop owners and shut them down. The thugs came back later that day visibly shaken saying the friars ... read more

A man died and went up to the Pearly Gates to stand before Saint Peter. Peter told him, “Before you meet with God, I should tell you — we’ve looked over your life, and to be honest you really didn’t do anything particularly good or bad. We’re not really sure what to do with you. Can you tell us *any... read more

\-*Welcome my dear, what's your name so I can check on the list?*

Charles gave him his name and Saint Peter looked it over and said:

\-*I'm sorry to inform you, but you are not on my list.*

Charles started to sweat and tried to argue:

\-But I was good, I did a lot of good... read more

The string takes a seat at the bar and ask the bartender for a drink. The bartender replies, "We don't serve to strings in this bar, you'll have to see yourself out."
The string, feeling dejected, walks out and stumbles upon two rugged strings in an alley. The shady looking thugs stop the st... read more

Who began selling flowers instead of cheese. They found great success in this new calling, so much they were putting a local florist shop out of business.

The local florists were angry and decided to hire thugs to intimidate the friars into ceasing their flower sales. Thug after thug, no one... read more

With a few gangstas and fairy tale thugs

Then all the King's men slapped them in cuffs

All because they had a few too many puffs

A mob boss was looking for some new thugs to take care of problems with the business. Having just lost several men to a warehouse accident, there were a few vacancies. One of his close friends offered some advice.

"There's this new company that's producing automated thugs. Supposedly, these... read more

When two thugs jumped out from behind a bush and started raping the nuns, the first nun started praying to God, asking him to forgive the men as they knew not what they were doing, the second nun turned to the first and told her, yours might not know what he is doing but mine sure does.

After wandering aimlessly for hours, one of the two spots an oasis in the distance. As they draw nearer, the other man spots an odd tree growing at the oasis, a tree with bacon for leaves. He turns to his friend and says "Look man, it's a bacon tree!!". His friend replies " No way man you're halluci... read more

A young bachelor potato decides he wants a night out on the town. He hops in the shower and gets nice and clean, puts on some nice cologne, shaves off all those little hairs and puts on his best jacket. He decides to head down to a local bar for a drink and see where the night goes. As he orders his... read more

A teenage boy is preparing for prom. First he goes to rent a tuxedo, but there’s a tuxedo line at the tailor's and it takes ages but he's patient finally gets it.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. It takes forever but he's ... read more

A man owes money to the mob and can't pay it. His three chances come and go, and finally a group of thugs come to his apartment one night, drag him down to the subway, and throw him in front of a moving train. He manages to drag himself out of the way in time to survive, but he loses both of his leg... read more