What's the scariest hood of all?

Adulthood

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road

... when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log. "My what big eyes you have, Mr Wolf", says Little Red Riding Hood. The wolf jumps up and runs away further down the road.

Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again. This time he is crouched behind a treestump. "My what big ears ...

What do they call acorns in the hood?

TREEZ NUTS!

A woman has 5 kids in the hood and names them all tyrone. How does she tell their names apart?

The last names.

What does a Trump voter in the hood look like?

It’s impossible to know, that’s why they wear them.

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My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic…

But I refused.

If I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.

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Little red riding hood was walking down a forest path.

As she was walking she sees the big bad wolf crouched down behind a tree.

She says, "I see you big bad wolf!" So the big bad wolf runs away.

Further down the path, she sees the big bad wolf again, crouched behind a bush.

She says, "I see you big bad wolf!"

Again, the big ...

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The little red riding hood was walking through the forest going to grandma's house

In the midle of the forest, she saw a big shadow behind a tree, she went to see who's there, only to find the wolf.

She asked: Are you the wolf?

He stared at her and answered darkly: Yes i am..

She screamed so hard and ran away as fast as she can till she got tired. After a whil...

Robin Hood hands over stolen goods to the poor man

Man: Wow thank you robin hood, now i'm rich!

Robin: *squints* you're what?

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Robin Hood goes out on another mission

Same old same old, steal from the rich, give to the poor.

On this particular run he decides to go to a new town and find the wealthiest man to rob.

Being that he didn’t know anybody, he asked a bum he met on the road who the richest man in town was.

After learning this, Robin Ho...

I am Robin Hood, I take from the rich to give to the poor!

A poor peasant is traveling the woody paths of Barnsdale, when a hooded man walks up to him.

Robin Hood: **"HALT!"**

**"*****I am Robin Hood, I take from the rich to give to the poor, now give me all your money!"***

Peasant: *"I have nothing, I've been hungry for years you see"*...

If you're in the hood and you're chopping wood...

Would you be using an ask?

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Little Red Riding Hood is walking through the forest

She looks behind her and says "I can see you Mr, Big Bad Wolf, your hiding behind the tree!".

The Wolf growls in anger and runs off.

Red Riding Hood keeps walking, a short while later, she turns and says "I can see you Mr Big Bad Wolf, your hiding behind the bushes".

The Wolf ye...

Steam hissing out from under his hood, a Walrus pulls his convertible into a service station...

The service station attendant looks over and says "looks like you've blown a seal"

"No I haven't," says the Walrus, "I've just finished an ice-cream."

What kind of joke will you never hear in the hood?

Dad jokes

What do you call an astronaut from the hood?

Zero G

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Little Red Riding Hood sets out to go visit her grandmother, who lives in another village

As she's walking on the forest road, she sees the big, bad wolf hiding behind a shrub. She stops and says:

\-My, what big red eyes you have!

The wolf looks at her and leaves without saying a word, disappearing in the dense forest. Little red riding hood continues walking on the same fo...

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So a guy and a girl are making out and begin having sex on the hood of her Honda civic, suddenly the man stops.

He said, im sorry i can only only have sex on my own Accord

A man's car breaks down outside of a monastery.

A man is driving home from a buisness trip. As he has a pretty low paying job, he doesn't have the best of cars.

After a few hours of driving, he drives past a monastery.

Unfortunately his car breaks down right in front of the monastery.

Being a man of God, he obviously figures...

What do you call someone shooting up the hood?

Ghetto blaster

3 guys break down in the middle of the desert

The first one says he'll take the hood to use as shade.

The second one says he'll take the radiator because he can drink the water left in it.

The third guy says he'll take the door so if he gets hot he can roll the window down.

I went to a costume party last night and a guy dressed as Robin Hood said to me "Tally-Ho!"

I looked around and said "Seven, but I think most are just costumes".

My check engine light came on, so I popped the hood

my engine was still there.

[OG] [Based on a true story] My dad and I hopped into the car to go do the weekly shopping.

It was a chilly day from the breezy autumn months.

Leaves have been falling off the trees for two weeks.

The car was dusty and covered in dry leaves from the overhead trees.

Dad started the engine and I sat shotgun next to him.

There was a deep silence because we have bee...

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What does a Muslim say in the hood?

"Who do I have to blow to get some virgins around here?"

ME: Dial 999. Police, please

POLICE: Police

ME: Hi. Two hooded men are robbing my shed.

POLICE: Sorry, we have no resources. There's nothing we can do.

ME: They are standing less than 1 metre apart.

POLICE: Keep them there - we'll be there in 5.

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An Eskimo goes to New Zealand on a holiday

He hires a car to drive around but barely 100km into the journey his car breaks down ,he gets it towed to a mechanic on advice from the rental place, the mechanic pops the hood and says
“I see your problem here looks like you’ve blown a seal”, and the Eskimo replies angrily “at least I don’t fuc...

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Mechanic

Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle. From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple that drove their car to Wal*Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping ...

Why did Red Riding Hood stop running from the Big Bad Wolf?

She was tired of being chaste.

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Little red riding hood

Little red was walking through the forest on the way to her grandmother's house. She came across a lumber jack who said
"little red little red. There's a wolf waiting for you at the end of this path"
Little red replied
"don't worry, as she pulls a revolver from her basket , I can handle it"...

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THE NUN AND THE HIPPIE

A hippie gets on a bus and spies a pretty young nun. He sits down next to her, and asks her: "Can we have sex?"



"No," she replies, "I'm married to God." She stands up, and gets off at the next stop.

The bus driver, who overheard, turns to the hippie and says: "I can tell you ho...

Yesterday, when I rode through Nottingham Forest, I witnessed a bizarre scene: Robin Hood was in the middle of a sandwich with Richard Lionheart and a homeless girl.

Surprised, I stopped and shouted "What are you doing?"


And Robin Hood shouted back: "Can't you see that? I take it from Rich and give it to the poor."

A hooded robber burst into a bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash.

A hooded robber burst into a bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash.
On his way out the door, a brave customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off, revealing the robbers face. The robber shot the customer without a moment's hesitation
He then looked around the bank and noticed ...

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Members of the KKK are always horny

Because Boyz in the Hood are always Hard

Three military wives were at the base PX in Fort Hood fighting over the last toaster on the shelf. The first one says "My husband came back from Afghanistan with a Purple Heart and a Bronze Star. I deserve it."

The second one says "No. My husband came back from Afghanistan with a Purple Heart, a Bronze Star, and the Congressional Medal of Honor. I deserve it."

The third one says "Well, my husband came back from Afghanistan in a body bag. NOW GET YOUR MITTS OFF THAT TOASTER!"

Regarding Little Red Riding Hood: Wolves can’t be all bad if they’ll eat your grandmother

Even Grandpa won’t do that.

I've been dating red riding hoods gran

Shes an animal in bed

Husband: My wife is missing. She went to rescue people from the flood yesterday and has not come home ...

Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?

Husband:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant:
Weight?

Husband:
Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant:
Color of eyes?

Husband:
Sort of brown I think. Never really ...

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Little red riding hood was told to look out for the wolf

So she’s really vigilant; she walks through the forest and she spots an eye through the bush and she says: “I see you mr wolf!” The wolf runs away. She goes deeper in the forest and she spots the wolf’s ears: “I see you Mr. Wolf!” The wolf runs away, little red riding hood goes deeper in the forest ...

My girlfriend told me this joke ten years ago. We've been married nine years today.

A penguin is driving to the mall when all of a sudden his engine starts running really rough, and smoke is coming from under the hood. Luckily, there's an auto repair shop right next to the mall, so he pulls in there. The mechanic says he'll be glad to take a look, but he won't be able to get to i...

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Red Riding Hood from Chernobyl with 3 boobs walks through the forest...

Wolf is checking her out from the bushes and thinks about raping her.
Wolf jumps out of the bush, tackles her and starts to undress her.

He sees three boobs and says: "Oh my God, you have three boobs!"
She replies to him: "If you don't like it, you can suck my dick!"

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Little Red Riding Hood walks through the forest.

She sees a wolf hunched under a tree with its ears erect and its mouth stretched in a big grimace.

She says to the wolf, "My, what big ears you have!"

The wolf keeps grimacing.

She says, "My, what big eyes you have!"

The wolf grimaces even wider, baring his teeth.

...

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2 Nuns

Late one night, 2 nuns were driving a minivan down a dark country road. All of a sudden a dark shadow flys past the van. The nun driving said to the other nun "Did you see that?!". "See what?!". "The shadow that flew past?".

They kept driving down the road when the same shadow flew past. "Did...

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Little red ridding hood was walking through the forrest...

So little red ridding hood was walking through the forrest on the way to grandma's house. She see's some nice flowers and goes to pick them. There she see's the wolf's feet.

"oh my Mr. wolf, what big feet you have"

Wolf just grumbles something and walks away.

Little red just k...

What do you call Legolas, Robin Hood, and Katniss Everdeen when they’re leaving?

Dep-archers

What's Robin Hood's least favourite font?

The Serif of Nottingham

A group of women made a religion about Robin Hood

They were called Menintights

What does a Buddhist from the hood say after his friends ask him to leave?

Namaste.

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What do you call the person who steals from black people?

Robbin Hood

An old Man is in the big city the first time in his life for an doctors apointment.

He takes a taxi, a mercedes, to get to his appointment. The whole ride he bombards his driver the most stupid questions about live in the big city. The taxi driver gehts more and more irritated about the questions.

Finally the man asks: "What´s the star in the middle of your hood for?"
...

"Wanna play Robin Hood?"

"I Sherwood!"

A bus breaks down and the driver pops the hood to investigate

A blonde passenger who is a certified mechanic comes out with her toolbox, eager to help and show off her training and also give blondes a good reputation for a change. She leans behind the bus driver and sees a loose bolt, so, helpful, she asks: "Fancy a screw driver?"

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What do an uncircumcised penis and the Ku Klux Klan have in common?

They’re both pricks in oversized hoods.

Did you know I store paintings under the hood?

It makes my Van Gogh

I had an injection to prevent me from becoming Robin Hood.

Yeah, it was the MenInTightus Jab.

Why do people from the hood want used cop cars?

To see what it’s like to sit up front.

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Little Red Riding Hood is traveling to her grandmother's house...

... as she went skipping through the woods, she saw a big bad wolf hiding behind a tree, she yelled, "hey big bad wolf, I see you there!". The wolf ran away.

A little while later, she was skipping across the bridge crossing the river, and she saw a big bad wolf hiding under the bridge, she ye...

Some call it foreskin.

I prefer man-hood.

What do you call a hood guy that just got promoted?

Maneger

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What do you call a cat gang leader in the hood?

The mein coon

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Two nuns are driving through a rural English countryside, when a vampire jumps onto their hood.

Two nuns are driving through a rural English countryside, when a vampire jumps onto their hood and starts trying to climb onto the roof. The nun driving the car says to the other nun "Lean out the window, and show him your cross!", so the nun rolls the window down, leans out the window and screams "...

Robin Hood went to see a doctor...

...he was diagnosed with Menintightis.

Red Riding Hood & Wolf

Little Red was walking down the woods, when all of a sudden she saw a "big bad" wolf, staring at her from behind the bushes! His eyes all big and bloody red!
She said: " Oh my! What big eyes y...?!"
- "Beat it kid! I'm taking a dump!!"

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Little Red Riding Hood is walking through the forest.

Little Red Riding Hood is walking through the forest, on her way to Grandmother's house.
She skips down the path for a while, and as she turns down a bend she sees the Big Bad Wolf sitting by a tree.

"What big ears you have, Mr. Wolf!" Little Red Riding Hood exclaims.
The wolf gets up a...

You are lying on your deathbed

Your family and loved ones surround you, supporting you. You feel reassured, ready to move on, as your wife pulls the plug on life support.

As the machines wind down... you dont die. Your family is ecstatic, the doctors are bewildered. They all cry, saying it is a miracle.

Two hours l...

Little Red Riding Hood is hopping along merrily in the woods...

... when she sees the big bad wolf crouching behind a bush. She says "My, Mr Wolf, what big ears you have!"

The big bad wolf gets up and runs away.

A few minutes later, it's the big, bad wolf again, crouched behind a different bush. "My, Mr wolf, what big eyes you have!"

The ...

NSFW A penguin is driving in the desert...

...when steam and smoke start pouring out from under the hood of his car. The car has just enough life in it to roll into the service station in the next town.

The repairman says it will take a while to figure out what's wrong, so the penguin goes for a walk around town. The sun is beating do...

What starts with N, has two Gs in the middle, and has no business wearing a pointy white hood?

Your noggin

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Three mice are bragging to each other in a bar.

The first one brags, "I am one bad ass mouse! In my hood, we have huge mousetraps. I take the damn cheese out of all of them."


The second one brags, "Well, I'm a bad ass mouse too. In my hood, I mix rat poison with my milk and chug it down every night before I go to bed."


T...

A hooded bank robber burst into a bank demanding cash

Once his bags were full he started making his way out when a brave soldier ripped his mask off and sees his face. The robber, realizing his face has been exposed, shoots and kills him dead. The robber turns around and sees a bank teller looking him in the eyes so he walks up to him and shoots him ...

Red Ridin' Hood's Grandma

One day Little Red Riding Hood was walking to her grandmother's house. She knocks on the door, but all she hears is screams. So she throws open the door and sees the Big Bad Wolf and her grandmother in the bed. She exclaims, "Grandma, are you alright? I thought the Big Bad Wolf was eating you!" The ...

What did all the boys from the hood call the Pillsbury Dough boy after he got super baked?

Cracker.

A penguin takes his car to a mechanic because there is a funny noise coming from under the hood.

“Leave it with me,” says the mechanic. “Come back in 20 minutes.”
So, off goes the penguin. It’s a pretty hot day and he’s a cool weather kind of guy so on spotting an
ice cream van he goes and buys himself a 99. Now, penguins aren’t very good at eating ice creams—
the lack of opposable thu...

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I took a shit on the hood of a car one time

It was my civic doodie

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Little red riding hood is walking through the forest when she hears a rustle in the bushes.

"Who's there?" She calls. A huge, savage looking wolf jumps up, looks at her and runs off.

So little red riding hood continues ambling through the forest when she hears another rustle in the bushes.
Once again she calls "who's there?" And once again the terrifying beast jumps up and runs ...

What do people in the hood enjoy eating?

Spaghetto

It's all good in the hood..

...I replied cheerfully.
But deep down, I knew there were many complex socio-economic problems in the hood.

what is worse than locking your keys in your car parked at planned parent hood?

going inside to borrow a coat hanger

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A man is driving through the desert when suddenly his car breaks down

He has no idea how to fix it and is in the middle of nowhere. Under the scorching heat of the sun, hours pass by and his hopes start fading away.

All of a sudden, a grey horse appears from nowhere.

\- What's up, pal? says the horse. Can I help you?

The man is baffled. Where is ...

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Red riding hood and Big bad wolf

The big bad wolf said to little red riding hood "unbutton your blouse and let me suck your tits" fuck off she replied as she tugged down her pantie's "eat me like the fucking book says"

r/jokes is holding a meetup.

Thousands of people come, and they need someone to organize them, so the oldest mod, u/Daleeburg, is chosen to host the event.

"Welcome, Redditors!" He begins as everybody settles in. "We have some very important speakers coming up. I would like to thank--" but u/Daleeburg never finishes his ...

We all grew up in the hood

Childhood

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