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Thoughts Jokes

As a man, I've renamed my nipples Thoughts and Prayers.

...because they're useless.

Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar. Every time I have pessimistic thoughts, I put a dollar in...

It’s currently half empty...

I like my chemicals like I like my thoughts.

Compounding.

What are your thoughts on dismemberment?

Personally, I think it's a bit of 'armless fun!

Deep thoughts

I wonder what fish tasted like before women started swimming.

When someone says to me, "A penny for your thoughts?" I ask for a quarter

It makes more cents.

what are your thoughts on psychedelics?

Personally, my thoughts on psychedelics are disorganized and nonsensical.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Shower thoughts are just toilet thoughts

butt cleaner

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Deep thoughts

Do cows know that we drink their milk or do they think we just like playing with their tits?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wise words and thoughts.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

I’m responsible for what I say, not what you understand.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.

My tole...

My thoughts on zodiac signs

Like I don’t mind them in general, but I hate it when people bring them up all the time.


So this one time I called my friend and asked him if he wanted to go to the mall with me.


He said, “No dude, I can’t, I have cancer.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A poem about positive thoughts

Little little bird in the sky

You look up it shits in your eye

You don’t weep you don’t cry

You thank god that cows don’t fly

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I finally told my therapist I was having suicidal thoughts

He said I have to start paying in advance

Thoughts on this year...

"What do you think about 2022?"

"So far, the best of the trilogy.", he replied.

I was sitting on the roof of my bus depot thinking deep thoughts when the cops arrested me.

Apparently they didn't want me getting ideas above my station.

Thoughts...

Where do you stand on landmines?

What is 6's thoughts about 7?

6 finds 7 to be rather odd.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me and my dad has conflicting thoughts on raising chickens.

He likes them because they'd give him a quick buck, but I hate them because they are a bit too cocky.

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