My thoughts and prayers go out for the Queen

I heard she was a massive DMX fan

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Please keep my uncle in your thoughts and prayers

We just found out he’s addicted to Viagra.

My Aunt has been taking it pretty hard.

As a man, I've renamed my nipples Thoughts and Prayers.

...because they're useless.

Thoughts and prayers

I went to my pastor and asked him to pray for my hearing. He put his hands on my ears and prayed. Afterwards he asked, "how's your hearing?"

I replied, "it's not until next Tuesday"

What do Christians do when they have a surplus of thoughts and prayers?

They force schools to reopen.

Sending my thoughts and prayers

To all the home invaders suffering an economic blow since the COVID 19 crisis

My thoughts and prayers go out to the people of New Jersey :(

Nothing happened there. I just feel bad for anyone who has to live in New Jersey.

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers right now!

There's nothing going on, I'm just a narcissist.

Kanye West hospitalised in Los Angeles. At this difficult time, our thoughts and prayers go out to...

...all the hospital staff.

My father passed this morning. In his honor, I present his favorite joke: why do polish people have ski at the end of their names?

Because they can't spell toboggan. - Stanley G. Kapuscinski

Edit: thanks so much for the kind words and thoughts and prayers. Thanks so much for your equally awful jokes.

To a lesser but still significant extent, thanks for the awards.

The Pope opens up the newspaper, and finds the headline says he has been accused of Matchfixing!

The Pope opens up the newspaper, and finds the headline says he has been accused of Matchfixing!

Although he doesn't have to, he decides to go to court to clear his name of this slander.

At the courtroom, the prosocuter asks him, "Is is true that you sent Juventus your thoughts and pra...

In light of the Net Neutrality debate, I want to say something to support my American friends.

Thoughts and prayers.

The thief that stole my diary and my Bible died today.

My thoughts and prayers are with his family.

A Bus Stop

On a bus stop in Washington DC, there were a cop, a nurse, a man in a suit, a philosopher and a priest. The cop spoke first:

Cop: ”Is this the right bus stop to Congress hill?”

Man in suit: ”yes”

Cop: ”Good. As it happens, there was this school shooting incident last week; I was...

I’m writing this from the hospital and the doctors said I’m extremely lucky. Today I fell off a 20ft ladder

Lucky for me I was only on the first step, thanks for the thoughts and prayers

[politics] How many republicans does it take to change a light bulb?

Republicans don't change light bulbs. They hide the ladders, sell the bulbs, blame Democrats for the dark, and send thoughts and prayers to anyone who trips.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate to get into political correctness with y'all, but this just really burns me up.

This a sad example of the witch hunt that's been going on because of the flood of all these sexual abuse allegations. I have a customer that after 7 years of medical school and training has been fired for one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in his profe...

Me and my twin brother are 20 years old and never had a job or girlfriend.

Today my dad said if he knew we would have turned out so useless he would have named us thoughts and prayers.

Be Positive

A good friend passed away here at the office today. There was an accident in the mailroom and his bleeding could not be controlled. EMS arrived immediately but were unable to slow the bleeding enough. The ems team could not figure out quickly enough what Jason's blood type was either so saving him t...

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