UPJOKE
takeseizeaccepttake onadoptborrowcaptureabsorbgethaveassumebuy outholdtake upbuy up

One day Canada will take over the world...

and then you'll all be sorry

how did the chicken take over the hen house?

in a coop d’etat

I've been asked to take over as Chief Clown...

I've got some big shoes to fill.

Don't let corona virus dominate you, don't let it take over your lives, I know there is a risk, I know there is a danger

but that's okay, now *I'm* better



*quick note: that's not a joke that's literally what he just said*

What do you call it when the floor staff at a chicken processing facility take over the business without the owner's permission?

A coup de coop.

What do you call it when stock traders take over your home?

An investation

What do you call it when worms take over the world?

Global Worming.

It's 2020. We need to WAKE UP. The biggest threat to humanity is here. This world is dying. We NEED to do something about this. We can't let this virus take over humanity.

Someone delete TikTok ffs.

One exotic bird can’t take over the word on its own

But toucan

At his deathbed, father-of-three Joe tells his wife Joan: "Let John take over the family business." Joan: "Jimmy's better in business. Let John help him." "OK but let Jack have my F150." Joan: "But John is better at maintaining it." OK, but let Jack have the Ford Mustang."

Joan: "Can he share it with Jimmy?" Joe sighed and said: "Honey, who's dying - - you or me?"

What's it called when you take over one half of the capital of Hungary?

Pest control

Disney is attempting to take over and brainwash our country by bringing back '80s Mickey Mouse merchandise

NOT ON MY WATCH!!

Hear about the Cheese Secret Society trying to take over the world?

Hallouminati confirmed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What has happened when the weeds take over your lawn?

A coup de grass.

What do you call a milk monster that wants to take over the universe?

Galactose

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pornhub has managed to take over the adult video industry...

And they've done it single-handedly!

What do you call it when white supremacists take over the government?

Coup klux klan

What do you call it when a group of dogs take over control of a ship?

A muttiny

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does everything turn to shit after the British take over it?

Because its colon-ization.

What do you call it when perfume makers try to take over the world?

Cologneialism

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Chinese take over the world, and start re-organizing the social structure...

They decide that the best way to do things is to separate everyone by race, and keep all white people in Europe and North America, all Asian people in Asia, all black people in Africa, etc.

Now, of course, the issue is that race isn't such a cut-and-dry thing, so after sorting through the obv...

What do you call an herbivorous dinosaur with a plan to take over the world?

A stegalomaniac.

Who will take over after Kim Jong-un?

His next of Kim

AI will silently take over a lot of industries until it gets to carpentry...

then suddenly everyone will start coming out of the wood work

How did the Germans take over Poland so quickly?

They marched in backwards, so the Poles thought they were leaving.

What happens when a plant tries to take over its own forest?

It comits *tree*son.

When the Mexicans finally invade and take over Los Angeles, what will the city be renamed to?

El Eyyyy

How many mutants do you need to take over a Ship?

5 MutantA MutantB MutantC MutantD and Mutiny

A chicken walks into a library...

She goes up to the librarian and say, "Book! Book! Book!".

Slightly perplexed, the librarian pulls a book from the nearest shelf (A Waffle Lot of Narwhal and Jelly) and gives it to the chicken. The chicken leaves, taking the book with her.

The next day, the chicken returns empty handed...

The boss called one of his employees into the office.

“Rob," he said, "you've been with the company for a year. You started off in the post room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department. Just four short months later, you were promoted to vice-chairman. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day a teacher was in a coma.

One day a teacher was in a coma. He had to have a substitute take over his position for a while. The substitute was so annoying. He would always wear clothes with jokes on them. They were almost always the same jokes, occasionally with a minor difference. On very rare occasions, there would be new a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.

One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The t...

Speeding Pope

A guy gets a job as a high profile chauffeur and his first assignment is to pick up the Pope from the airport.
"You know," begins the Pope, "they never let me drive myself back at the Vatican. What do you say I drive a few blocks then you can take over?"
After arguing for a while, the chauffeu...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.