One day Canada will take over the world

Then you'll all be sorry

Don't let corona virus dominate you, don't let it take over your lives, I know there is a risk, I know there is a danger

but that's okay, now *I'm* better



*quick note: that's not a joke that's literally what he just said*

At his deathbed, father-of-three Joe tells his wife Joan: "Let John take over the family business." Joan: "Jimmy's better in business. Let John help him." "OK but let Jack have my F150." Joan: "But John is better at maintaining it." OK, but let Jack have the Ford Mustang."

Joan: "Can he share it with Jimmy?" Joe sighed and said: "Honey, who's dying - - you or me?"

Disney is attempting to take over and brainwash our country by bringing back '80s Mickey Mouse merchandise

NOT ON MY WATCH!!

It's 2020. We need to WAKE UP. The biggest threat to humanity is here. This world is dying. We NEED to do something about this. We can't let this virus take over humanity.

Someone delete TikTok ffs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What has happened when the weeds take over your lawn?

A coup de grass.

Hear about the Cheese Secret Society trying to take over the world?

Hallouminati confirmed.

What's it called when you take over one half of the capital of Hungary?

Pest control

What do you call it when worms take over the world?

Global Worming.

What do you call it when a group of dogs take over control of a ship?

A muttiny

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Hitler rush to take over Russia

He didn't like stalin during war.

One exotic bird can’t take over the word on its own

But toucan

What do you call a milk monster that wants to take over the universe?

Galactose

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pornhub has managed to take over the adult video industry...

And they've done it single-handedly!

What do you call it when perfume makers try to take over the world?

Cologneialism

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does everything turn to shit after the British take over it?

Because its colon-ization.

You may be able to take over Europe

But it’ll come at a holocost.

What do you call it when white supremacists take over the government?

Coup klux klan

Why did it take Germany six weeks to take over France?

Someone was probably Stalin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Chinese take over the world, and start re-organizing the social structure...

They decide that the best way to do things is to separate everyone by race, and keep all white people in Europe and North America, all Asian people in Asia, all black people in Africa, etc.

Now, of course, the issue is that race isn't such a cut-and-dry thing, so after sorting through the obv...

How did the Germans take over Poland so quickly?

They marched in backwards, so the Poles thought they were leaving.

AI will silently take over a lot of industries until it gets to carpentry...

then suddenly everyone will start coming out of the wood work

Who will take over after Kim Jong-un?

His next of Kim

When the Mexicans finally invade and take over Los Angeles, what will the city be renamed to?

El Eyyyy

What happens when a plant tries to take over its own forest?

It comits *tree*son.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why didn't willy wonka choose violet to take over the factory?

Because that would require a woman to break the glass ceiling.

How many mutants do you need to take over a Ship?

5 MutantA MutantB MutantC MutantD and Mutiny

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.


One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare....

A British man was talking to his friend about his views on Brexit...

"These bloody immigrants come over here. They're up to no good, right? I hate these bloody immigrants. They need to go back to where they came from."


His friend replies with "But why do you hate them so much?"


The British man replies, "I'll tell you why I hate them, I'll te...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man dies, and is sent to hell.

He meets up with the Devil and the Devil says “you know what, I’m feeling generous today. I’ll let you pick out your punishment. There are three doors here, and you must choose one. Since I’m feeling extra nice, I’ll let you see them first.”

The man goes up to door number one and sees a naked...

Three men go on a hunting trip in the woods...

They gather around the fire at dusk. They eat and drink and tell stories. Then slowly the fire goes down, and they finish their drinks. The men have no more stories to tell, and boredom starts to take over.

"ENOUGH!" Says the first man, standing up. "We should do something! I bet the two of ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The blowjob confession.

A Catholic man is waiting in a practically empty church to give confession when the priest jumps out of the booth and tells him he has to go to the bathroom and asks him if he can take over.

There is a cheat sheet on Hail Marys and Our Fathers for each of the sins and all he has to do is rea...

I met a Chinese woman who had just arrived in the U.S...

I’d been learning a little Mandarin and was trying to have some basic conversation with her. She asked why I know Mandarin. I joked: “For when China takes over.”. She got very mad and said “China doesn’t want to take over anything, they just want to live in peace!”. I asked, “What about Hong Ko...

The CEO and the Envelopes

A new CEO was hired to take over a struggling company. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. “Open these if you run into serious trouble,” he said.

Well, three months later sales and profits were still way down and the new CEO wa...

The caretaker of a generation ship was on his death bed

Many years before, Jacques had helped place all his friends and family into cryogenic sleep. He was a young man then and they all knew that he would likely be long dead by the time they reached their destination. They said their tearful goodbyes and drifted off to sleep.

In the years he spent...

I know a sure way to stop the murder hornets

Just have Michael Jordan take over ownership.

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