Take off

her: take off my bra

me: ok

her: take off my panties

me: wow ok

her: stop wearing my clothes

I spent half an hour trying to take off my girlfriends bra. I gave up in the end.

I wish I never tried it on in the first place.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men are drinking at a bar all night. Finally, one man says to the other, “I hate to break up the fun, but I’ve got to go home and take off my wife’s underwear.”

The other man replies, “What makes you think you’ll be so lucky?”



The first man replies while walking out the door, “because they’ve been riding up my butt all night and I’ve had enough.”

Wife to husband... Take off my heels....

He does as instructed.

Wife: now take off my blouse....

He does it..

Wife : now take off my skirt....

He does it.

Wife : now take off bra.

He does it.

Wife : now take off my panties..

He does it..

Wife : Now don't you ever wear my cl...

My father never hit me but when I was bad he would take off his belt...

And then he would take off his pants. Needless to say, I didn't like the way I was reared.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Her: If you hear something in the woods, you tell me. if you hear something in the water, you tell me. But under no circumstances are you allowed to take off your blindfold.

Him: All this just because you forgot to pack your makeup for our camping trip?

My uncle's chicken farm business didn't take off so he switched to ducks...

The it was all bills, bills, bills.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know a bunch pornographic version of tumblr are gonna take off any day now.

It’s just a matter of seeing which one comes out on top.

A woman said if you want to finger me take off your ring?

I don't have a a ring I have a watch

I've started selling transparent urns, and I think this business could really take off.

Remains to be seen.

My sister asked me to take off her clothes

So I took off her shirt.
Then she said, "Take off my skirt."
I took off her skirt.
"Take off my shoes." I took off her shoes.
"Now take off my bra and panties."
and so I took them off.

Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever...

"this joke about airplanes will never take off"

"well not with that altitude!"

A lady calls her butler into her room and says, "Jeeves, take off my dress"

He casually says, "Yes, Madam", and removes the dress. Then she says, "Jeeves, take off my underwear". Again, he says, "Yes, Madam" and removes the undergarment. She then says, "Jeeves, take off my bra". Again, with no hesitation he says, "Yes, Madam" and removes the bra. Then she says, "Now ou...

What did the Mexican pilot say to make the flight take off on time?

UNDELAY UNDELAY

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There is a long line to take off at the airport...

And one pilot says on the radio: I’m fucking bored. Then a female voice says angrily: who was that, identify yourself! And the pilot says: I said I was fucking bored, not fucking stupid.

I don't understand why guys think it's so difficult to take off a girl's bra.

I can do it with both hands behind my back!

A plane takes off with two hours delay. Once in the air a passenger asks the flight attendant:

"why did we take off so late?"

To which the flight attendant replies:

"well the pilot noticed some smoke and weird noises coming from the left engine and it took us a while to find another pilot willing to fly this plane."

"Show me your's and I'll show you mine"... She proceed's to take off her clothes...

...I proceed to show her my WW2 cr38 anti-personnel mine.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A plane was about to take off when a man burst out of the cockpit naked, yelling

"this is your captain streaking"

Why couldnt the laptop take off his hat?

He had caps lock on.

Why did Apollo 11 take off during full moon?

Its an easier target.

------
Yes. Its incredibly lame.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is sitting next to a woman on a jet that's getting ready to take off.

Suddenly, the man sneezes. He unzips his pants and wipes off the end of his penis with his handkerchief. He zips up and continues reading his magazine. The woman cannot believe what she just saw.

Then he sneezes again, unzips, pulls out his penis and wipes it off with a handkerchief. The...

Why is it better to take off your glasses if you are taking breathalyzer test?

Because that'll be two glasses less.

My favourite thing to do after a long day at work is sit down and take off all my clothes.

It makes my train journey more entertaining.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking.

He stays until the bar closes at three in the morning, at which time he is extremely drunk. After leaving the bar, he returns home on foot.

When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs though,...

Take off my dress

A wealthy couple had planned to go out for the evening. The woman of the house decided to give their butler, Jeeves, the rest of the night off. She said they would be home very late, and that he should just enjoy his evening.

As it turned out, however, the wife wasn't having a good time at ...

Stalin's political career didn't really take off, until he played the trump card

-Seize the means of reproduction!

Pilot was welcoming the passengers on the plane shortly after take off.......

"Thank you for flying with us this morning.

The weather is....."

Then suddenly he starts screaming while he is still on the loud speakers:

"Oh my God. OMG! OMG! This is going to hurt....Its burning"


A ghostly Silence reigned!

He gets back on the microphone t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A hearse drives past Paddy and his mate who take off their hats out of respect. The hearse is followed by a man with a big scary-looking dog, followed by a procession of several hundred men dressed in black...

"Who's in the coffin?" Paddy asks his mate.

"I hear it's the wife of the fella with the dog." His mate replies.

"Oh yeah? What happened to her?"

"I hear, the dog hates women and mauled her to death." His mate replies.

"Oh yeah?" Paddy runs across the road and grabs the ma...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is sitting in an airplane waiting for take off...

...when the PA comes on. The captain says, "Alright everyone we'll be entering the runway in just a few minutes. Please fasten your seat belts and prepare for take off." There's a small clicking noise, but the passengers can still hear the captain. He says to the other pilot, "Man, you know what I c...

Why couldn't the octopus take off her bra?

It had suction cups.

Today it's National Take Off Your Cap Day

Hats off to whoever founded it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pilot addresses his passengers prior to take off but he forgets to turn off the intercom.

He leans over to his copilot and says, "hey, I'm gonna take a shit and then go get a blowjob from that hot blonde stewardess"

The Blonde stewardess bolts for the cockpit and an old woman screams, "slowdown honey, he said he had to take a shit first."

Why did the elephant take off his socks at the golf course?

He got a hole in one.

Why did the scientist take off his doorbell?

...because he wanted to win the "Nobel" prize!

What does a hand grenade have in common with a wife?

Take off the ring and your house is gone


This post sure "blew up"


Just like my house

I was getting a prostate exam and it hurt like hell.

I asked “doc, could you take off your ring?”

He said “that’s not my ring, that’s my watch.”

A Cowboy Walks Into a Saloon, Naked . . .

. . . except for his boots.

“Where your clothes at, Slim?”

“Back at the barn. I was feeding the horses when a beautiful blonde drove up. She says, ‘I wanna show you something in the barn. Follow me.’

So I followed her. She says, ‘Take off all your clothes.’ So I do. Then she tak...

A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.

She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thro...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The wife of a wealthy business man calls their butler into her bedroom while her husband is away on a trip for work

"Jeeves," she says at once, "take off my dress."

"Yes madam!" He replies, unbuttoning the top of her dress and watching it fall to the floor.

"Now, I want you to take off my bra."

"Oh, yes ma'am!" replies Jeeves, unhooking the front clasp of the fancy lace bra and throwing it ca...

A Boeing 737 Max flight attendant walks into a bar and orders a martini

. "You're here later than usual," the bartender comments. "Problems at work?" "Yes, just as our flight was about to take off we had to turn around and wait at the gate for an hour." "What was the problem?" the bartender asks. "The pilot was bothered by a noise in the engine," she replies. "It took u...

What's the difference between women and grenades?

None, if you take off the ring, half of your house is gone

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man wakes up after a night out with the boys with a horrible hangover

He realizes that he's home, in his bed. With growing shock he realizes that he's wearing pajamas. He notices a glass of water on his night stand, a couple of aspirins, and a note.

The note reads, "Darling, I'm off to the store. Breakfast is on the table. eternally yours, your loving wife". <...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After a hard day at work, my boss cornered me in the change rooms.

She is a beautiful but intimidating woman. She looked at me and said "I'd like you to take off my blouse". With some nervousness I said "ok, sure" she then said "can you unbutton and remove my skirt too please". She lastly asked for me to take off her bra and panties as well. To which I also obliged...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Scarlett Johansson and some guy were the only survivors of a shipwreck.

They didn't know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was...

At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed, this guy learnt how to provide food and shelter, he started taking care of her, and eventually she started caring about him... after all, there wasn't anybody els...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and woman were about to "get it on"

He starts to take his shoes and socks off when she cries out,

"Oh shit,what happened to your feet?"

He replies,"Oh that.I had tolio."

"You mean polio don't you?"

"No.It just infected my toes."

Thinking nothing of it he begins taking off his pants.

"Oh my,Wha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man signs up to be a special effects supervisor in a studio.

A man, Dave, signs up to be a special fx supervisor in a film making studio. His job was to study different “boards” each containing different sound effects, and he was to pick out the most pleasing and configure them to his preferences.

The first day, Dave went to work and he was directed to...

Lessons Learned the Hard Way

Daddy's car in the woods?


Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods.Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a

passionate embrace.


Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(some very basic french is needed to understand) During the international annual ice cat race, they introduced all the cat-racers!

There was a french cat - Un Deux Trois

A spanish cat - Uno Dos Tres

And an american cat - one two three

The cats got behind the starting line on the ice, which was frozen on real water. The whistle was blown and the cats take off! Eventually, the French cat seems to be winning!...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doctor’s checkup

A beautiful woman walks into a doctor's office and the doctor is awestruck. All his professionalism goes out the window.

He tells her to take off her pants and he starts rubbing her thighs. He says, "Do you know what I am doing?" he replies "Yes, checking for abnormalities."

He tells h...

One day a blonde went to the hairdresser...

The blonde ordered a trim but insisted that she absolutely could not take off the headphones she was wearing. The hairdresser declined and kicked her out of his barber shop.The blonde kept repeating the same request at different hairdresser’s until one finally agreed. As she was getting her trim the...

A man returns home after a long day...

His wife asks him why he looks flushed.

"I was in a room, alone, and a man entered and promptly told me to take off my shirt. He began rubbing my shoulders with lotions. He leaned in real close and told me to take a deep breath. I hesitated, but he said I could trust him. Then he put all is w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar one day and asks the bartender if he knows a man named Two Guns Gonzales. The bartender says no but he tells him that the man in the back named No Guns knows him. So the guy walks to the back of the bar and asks the man if he knows a guy named Two Guns Gonzales.

The man says, “Let me tell you a story…. One day about a week ago, I was riding into town on my horse and this large man with two guns comes riding up to me and says, ‘Get off your horse.’

Well, Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I get off my horse. Then he says,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman goes to a doctor...

Woman: Lately I have developed this problem of wetting my bed while sleeping.

Dr: Go behind the curtains, take off your clothes and do a headstand in front of the mirror.

The woman obliges. The doctor comes in, parts her legs and keeps his chin on top of her vagina.

W: So Doc, w...

Have you heard the news about the broken spaceship?

No I wouldn't expect you to, it really didn't take off.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man had no love life so he went to see a Chinese sex doctor...

The doctor was named Doctor Chang and was an expert is changing people’s sex life. He said to the man,

“Take off alr of your crose,” the man did and looked to the doctor to see what was next

“Now crawr rearry fast to the end of the room.” Which the man did so Dr. Chang said,
“Now c...

College girl visits the doctor for an exam...

Doctor: "Take off your blouse and bra."

So the girl complies and there is imprint of a T on her chest.

Doctor says: "What caused this?"

Girl: "Well my boyfriend goes to Texas University and likes to wear his letter jacket when we make love."

Doctor: "Ok you're finished, ...

It’s my cake day today so I figured I’d try out a cake joke!

Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.

Doctor: Next time, take off the candles

The Mexican President, the US President, and the Russian President are on a plane.

Before take off the pilot tells them that the plane is too heavy to fly. The Mexican President then pushes off all the tequila off the plane and says, “We got a lot of that in my country it’s fine.” Then the Russian President pushes off all the vodka and says “We got a lot of that in my country it’s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pilot left his microphone on.

After take off pilot accidentally left his microphone on and said to his Co pilot
' Now I just want a cup of coffee and a blowjob'.

An air hostess ran to tell him to switch off his microphone.

When someone from the passengers shouted 'He asked for a cup of coffee too'.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.