Tacks Jokes - 22 Hilarious Tacks Jokes

A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmact: "I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need me some petection. How much is a pack a’ them rubbers gonna cost me?"

The pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax."
"TACKS!" the shocked redneck says. "Gawd a’ mighty, don’t they stay on by themselves!"

What is a tacks favorite song?

The hokey-pokey!

From my 7 year old, with love.

A duck walks into a drugstore....

...and says "I'd like some condoms."

The pharmacist says "That will be $5 plus tax."

The duck says "I don't need tacks, they stay on by themselves."

A man is driving home from work behind a transport vehicle.

A large box of tacks flies off the back of the large, transport vehicle and into the middle of the lane. The man swerves out of the way to avoid the tacks and is consequently pulled over by a highway patrolman. The highway patrolman asks the man why he thinks he was pulled over.

The man, exas...

I never use pushpins at work so my boss called the police. Now I’m going to jail.

They’re charging me with tacks evasion.

Guy walks into a store to buy condoms.

Grabs a pack and asks the clerk "How much are these?"

Clerk says, "$4.50 plus tax."

Guy says, "Tacks? Don't they stay on by themselves?"

A man was driving on the highway when suddenly he had to swerve to avoid a box falling off the truck front of him.

Seconds later, a police officer pulled him over for reckless driving. As the officer was writing the ticket, the driver noticed that the box he'd avoided had been full of nails and tacks.

"I had to swerve or I'd have run over those and blown my tires!" he protested.

"Okay," replied t...

Pharmacist: May I help you, sir?

Customer: Yes... I, uh... well, this is sort of embarrassing, but I'm going out on a date tonight and, you know, I need some...

Pharmacist: Protection?

Customer: Right.

Pharmacist: Small, medium or large?

Customer: Uhhhh... Medium, I guess.

Pharmacist: Okay, that'l...

The United States is under attack in American schools

The map of America had four tacks holding it to the wall in nearly every classroom I was in.

Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him.

Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks. "I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still go...

Young Guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms for the first time.

The cashier said "That will be 5.99 plus tax".

The young guy says "Tacks!!! I thought these things stayed on by themselves!!!"

99¢ condom

A young guy walks into a drugstore to buy a condom. He sees they are on sale for 99¢ each and luckily he has $1 on him. He gives the condom to the clerk.

Clerk: That'll be $1.04

Guy: I thought they were on sale for 99¢. What's the extra 5¢ for?

Clerk: Tax

Guy: Tacks!? I t...

Luke and Yoda are training on Dagobah

Luke and Yoda are training on Dagobah. Suddenly, part of the ledge in front of them falls off. "Oh no, what do we do, master?" asked Luke. "Worry not" replied Yoda. Yoda takes out a giant 6-foot fork, lays it across the gap in the ledge, and they use it as a bridge.

Soon enough, they come to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bad man arrives at hell...

He looks around and there's *grass* everywhere! He asks the demon gatekeeper about it and he's told, "the Mormons are irrigating again."

There are three doors at the entrance to hell, and he's told by the demon to choose one to spend eternity behind. "Can I look to see what's behind them," as...

A nervous looking young man walks into a drug store

A nervous looking young man walks into a drug store. He walks up to the counter and mutters, "Uh... hi... I'd like to buy some... condoms."
Cashier replies, "sure thing! That'll be $9.75 including tax."
The young man starts to panic and says, "Tacks?! I thought they stayed on by themselves!!!"

Stock check for Charlie!

It's that time of the month for a young lady, so she goes into a drug store looking for pack of her usual brand. She sees that particular shelf is empty, so asks the older woman at the checkout if they have any large Tampax in stock.

The woman replies that they should have inventory back ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Condoms

An old man goes in to a pharmacy to buy a box of condoms.Having never purchased condoms before he was a little nervous. The pharmacist hands him a box and say's, that will be 8.99$ and 9.70$ with tax.Tacks yells the old man,Don't these fucking things stay on by themselves??

My dad told me this while we were changing out some brakes

A man walks into a gas station on his way home to his girlfriend. He grabs a soda, and a box of cheap condoms.

The lady at the counter says "that'll be 7.99 plus tax"

"Tacks? The damn things don't even hold themselves on?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy dies and goes to hell. The devil says he can choose his punishment.

Before him are three doors, leading to the different areas of hell where punishments are handed out. In the first room, the floor is covered with smoldering embers. A few dozen people are in the room, all in terrible agony from being forced to walk around barefoot on the hot coals. "Nah, too hot"...

A nervous man walks into a pharmacy...

... and the pharmacist asks how she may be of service.
"Well, you see, I uhh... I got a hot date tonight... and I'd like some... uhhh... you know..."
"Protection?" says the pharmacist.
"Yes, uhh... that's right."
"Small, medium, or large?"
"Uhh... I guess... medium."
"All right the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mary Under had been teaching for a long time.

She taught 5th grade for 25 years all while enjoying a plain lifestyle. Having never married, she was not a complicated woman. She always brought the same leftovers in the same Tupperware for lunch. She had one fork, one spoon, one knife, and one bowl. Her classroom had little decoration, and her ho...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was an elderly nurse working overnight in an emergency room.

There was an elderly nurse working overnight in an emergency room. She had been doing this, and doing it well, for 45 years. She was a good nurse, always sharp as a tack, but she was getting to the point in life where she was just starting to get endearingly scatter brained. She would frequently get...

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