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Three guys died the same day

3 guys all died on the same day, and they're standing in line before Peter and the pearly gates.

Peter says "ayy fellas, I'm a little full today. I tell you what. Whichever one of you has the best death story gets in today."

So ol' Pete pulls the first guy over and asks how he dies. ...

Two aliens are sitting in their spaceship looking at the earth.

One of them has been researching whether an invasion would be viable. He reports back to his commander "the humans have somehow managed to harness the power of the atom to create some of the most powerful weapons I've ever seen".

The commander says "maybe it would be unwise for us to invade t...

A man traveling in train meets scientist from NASA, ISRO, and CNSA.

After talking to them for a while, finding them willing to answer, being critical of investment in space, he asks NASA "why do you need billions of dollars for?
NASA replies "For the Benefit of All, our technologies trickle down to the military and civilians and then to the world".
He discus...

How do Ethiopian horses ward evil spirits away from their harnesses?

They bless the reins down in Africa

How do you harness water?

First you need some heavy reins...

A man walks into a bar leading a pony on a harness...

Bartender says to the man "You can't bring that pony in here."

Man replies, "This is a special pony. He pays for all my drinks. See, I bet you, the bartender, that my pony can recite every letter of the alphabet after each shot of whiskey he drinks. You won't believe me, so you take that bet....

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A blind man with his seeing eye dog walks into a flea market.

He picks up the dog and starts swinging the dog on the harness over his head.
A vendor runs over and yells at him to stop and asks what the fuck he thinks he's doing?
Oh don't mind me....I'm just having a look around.

A artist is thinking of what his new work should be when his wife bursts into his office...

"I'm sorry to say this," she announces. "But a viewer of one of your paintings died from poisoning because of an unsafe form of paint you used...and we've been sued a billion dollars... your career as an artist is over...I'm sorry..." she then bows her head. The artist drops his jaw and prepares to ...

A Christmas Story

One particular Christmas season a long time ago Santa was ready for his Christmas run... but there were problems. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Cla...

I dont wanna do what I did in Texas.....

Man rides up to a saloon on a beautifullly patterned Palomino stallion, ties the horse to the rail, walks inside, orders lunch and a beer. After his meal is done he gets up, pays the waitress and walks out the doors...to find his horse missing.

He sighs mournfully, removes the safety loops on...

In 1952 the New York Philharmonic was on a national tour...

...and on their way home from the west coast when their flight was grounded in Kansas due to bad weather.

It had been a long tour and tensions had been running high. A first violin player was a wreck from excessive alcohol consumption, the trumpet section engaged in much infighting due to com...

My god will save me

A man lived in Florida in a two-story house near the water. During hurricane season one year the emergency services order the town he lives in to evacuate to avoid being swallowed up by high waters. A group of people evacuating stop by his house in a big pickup truck.

“Hop in and we can all g...

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So I was outside of a bar smoking a cigarette...

And I see this man walking an alligator on a leash and harness. As he aproaches the bar to enter, the bouncer stops him and says "hey man, are you serious? You can't bring that gator in here."
The man replies "come on he's on a leash and he is very well trained. I just want to grab one drink and ...

The owner of a racehorse is angry

The owner of a racehorse is angry because the horse he paid so much money for has yet to win a race.

“Listen to me,” the man says, grabbing the horse by the harness. “You’d better win this race or you’ll be working the farm tomorrow.”

The horses line up in the gates, the starting gun s...

A blind man walks into a store

A blind man walks into a store with his guide dog. Suddenly, he picks the dog up by the harness and starts swinging it over his head. A surprised clerk comes up and stammers "C-c-can I help you sir?" The blind man replies...

"No, thanks. I'm just looking around."

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