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Girth Jokes

Which is more important to women, length or girth?

Turns out it's consent.

My ex girlfriend couldn't stop bragging about my length and girth.

But she was just pulling my leg.

'Arrr' rated

Some women say that girth is more important than length but you've never heard of 'Girth John Silver' have you?

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Donald Trump was really bragging about how big his penis was last night.

Obama doesn't believe him. He's now calling for the release of his Girth Certificate.

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A blind woman told me she thought I had some good girth on my cock

I think she was just pulling my leg.

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Three third graders, a Jewish kid, an Italian kid and a Hillbilly kid are on the playground at recess.

The Jewish kid suggests that they play a new game "Lets see who has the largest penis," he says. "Okay." They all agree. The Jewish kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out. "That's nothing," says the Italian kid. He whips his out. His is a couple of inches longer. Now not to be outdone, the Hillb...

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A guy and girl are walking through the park

when suddenly a spaceship lands nearby. They head over to investigate, and meet a lovely alien couple. They looked and spoke just like humans, although they had a slightly greenish tint to their skin. The couples get to talking, and eventually they arrive on the topic of sex. "How do you have sex," ...

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Bobby hopped on the train and found a vacant seat.

After sitting down, he looked around the carriage and observed an attractive woman seated across from himself, reading a book titled "Sexual statistics."



A little intimidated at first, Bobby finally plucked up some courage and initiated conversation.



"Hi, that looks lik...

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What's another name for Viagra?

Girth Control

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A young couple held hands and walked along a beach a sunset

A young couple held hands and walked along a beach a sunset. At dusk, a craft descended from the heavens and hovered in place thirty feet above their heads. Suddenly, they found themselves transported to the interior of the craft where two beings stood in front of them.

They had the app...

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What do you call a real skinny dick?

A girth defect.

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A man goes to the doctor to ask about options for penis enlargement.

He says, "doc, it's tiny. My pinky finger has more girth. I'm afraid my wife is going to leave me if I don't do something about it."

The doctor replies, "well, if you're really that small, I don't think medication is an option. However, there is an experimental surgery I've been developing, w...

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My penis is so big...

...it’s got a girth certificate

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A nurse is standing in a consultation room with a patient

The patient says"this is a little embarrassing so please don't laugh"

The nurse "I've been a nurse for 12 years nothing you show me is going to make me laugh"

The man drops his trousers revealing a penis the size and girth of a triple A battery.

The nurse stifles her giggle but ...

What do you call an overweight hobbit's belly?

His Middle Girth

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Peter Piker

When Peter Piker peeked at Penny,

And peeped her perfect pooper

His peepers paused and then his jaw

Plopped down into a stupor



But he perked up and pressed his luck;

Professed he pined to pipe her

He self-composed and then proposed

While poin...

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A command Sergeant Major retires

A command Sergeant Major(CSM) retires from the military, he decides to celebrate at the local brothel. Upon entering he speaks with the attendant and asks for a room and the most beautiful woman available. He proceeds to his room with the lady, and sits down on the bed. After a few minutes the lady ...

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No Speech Therapy for him (NSFWish)

A man came to the doctor's office, frustrated and tired. He says," D-d-doc, I have this sp-peech problem. I've ha-d-d it all my life and it's ma-making me miserable. I c-can't speak in public. I have trouble in business me-meetings a-a-nd it's affecting my family now. P-p-please help Doc"

So ...

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Official Rules for Indoor Golf

(an oldie, but a goodie)

1. Each player will furnish his own equipment for play; normally, one club and two balls.

2. Course to be played must be approved by the owner of the hole.

3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and
keep the balls out of ...

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A farmer couple is visited by aliens

Two space aliens, a male and a female, land their ship in the middle of a farm and meet the husband and wife who own it. They start talking and the farmers put them up in their house for a few weeks. They exchange stories about culture and technology. On the last night before the aliens depart, the ...

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A Peg-Legged, Hook-Handed, One-Eyed Pirate...

After thirteen months of sailing the seven seas, a battle-worn schooner filled to the brim with booty and booze makes port in the rag-tag pirate isle of Tortuga.

The captain - a buccaneer known the world over for his utter lack of mercy, his terrible greed, and his hearty girth - lumbers off ...

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