A little girl says to her mother: "Mummy, when you were away at work a strange lady came around"

"Not now," says Mummy. "Wait until Daddy gets home."

So they wait until Daddy gets home, and then Mummy says "Now dear, what were you saying about Daddy and the strange lady?"

And Daddy starts to say something but Mummy says, "You keep quiet - I'll be talking to my attorney in the morn...

Interviewer: are you smart? Bob: I'm not smart, but I am clever. Interviewer: How so? Bob: in class, I sat next to the dumbest and second dumbest person in class, I'm the third dumbest, but by peeking at their tests, I got the highest score in the class.

Interviewer: how's that possible?
Bob: by process of elimination. None of our answers could be correct.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trees are clever

Tree: Holy shit I need to plant my seeds but i cant move because im a tree.

*Thinks

Tree: Hey, monkey face.

Monkey: What?

Tree: Taste my balls

Three men suddenly become aware they are in the set up to a joke. The first man says something clever. The second does something stupid. The third tries to kill Batman.

I guess we know who the real joker is...

A university student wanted to sit next to one of his teachers at lunch

However, the teacher looked at the student with an arrogant face and said:

'A swan shan't be friends with a pig.'

'Then I shall fly on,' answered the student with a smile.

The teacher was clearly vexed by the cheeky reply and decided to make sure to do everything in his power to...

Did you hear about 50 Cent's clever new song about the small, detail-oriented urban cat?

They're calling it "Fiddy's witty itty bitty nitty gritty city kitty ditty".

A clever way of telling if your kids asleep.

A man tells his kid,
“You beep when you sleep.”
The dad ends up convincing his kid that he actually beeps when he sleeps.
The next night the dad peeked into his kids room to see if he was asleep.
*beep*
*beep*
*beep*
Now his kid makes beep noises when he ...

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My dog is so clever, he can swallow a whole ball of string.

I shit you knot.

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Boss is clever

A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done." She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $...

Women are just too clever

A man an his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him up at 5:00 am for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, the man wrote on ...

How do you know that a woman is about to say something clever?

She starts of the sentence saying "a man once told me..."

Ok my 4 year old came up with this one, not sure he really understands how clever it is though... Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?

He wanted to eat some chicken.

What do you call a quick, clever reply to an insult or criticism.

A riposte

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What do you call a clever, socially awkward, bisexual hippie with fancy neckwear who streams Star-Trek?

A shy, wry, bi guy in a fly tie and tie dye watching sci-fi on wifi.

Credits: my bud

Burglars are getting very clever these days.

Last night my wife woke me up - "Darling! Darling! There is a burglar downstairs!" So I go down, check every room and didn't find anyone. Then I realised I don't have wife, but when I went upstairs, my bed and TV were gone.

I was chatting with my neighbour who was bragging about how clever his dog was

He said "he knows all his toys by name and will fetch certain items by command, he fetches my slippers, I can even send him to get the paper, from the newsagent" .

I said " I know he told me "

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I was tasked with coming up with a clever puberty pun

But I guess I really dropped the balls on that one

Little Johnny is in 1st grade, but extremely smart.

One day his friend asks him how he’s so clever.

Little Johnny answers: Simple, I use association.

During this, their teacher is listening and thinks this is a big word for a first grader so the teacher decided to test him.

Teacher: Johnny I heard you telling your friend about...

A clever (and successful) clickbait reads "THIS is the most reposted joke on Reddit"

and still gets you to click on it.

Thought I had written something clever until i started telling this one and no one got it.

I made a trip to the local dump yesterday and while I was there, I noticed that one of the employees was coughing and struggling to breathe, trying to heft a bag into a dumpster. So I went over to him and asked "excuse me sir, are you alright? Do you need a hand?" And he just replies "Nah I'm used t...

When your not clever enough for metaphors...

I've found literal comparisons make great fact similes.

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