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Tech Support Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The young woman who submitted the tech support message presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself.

The query:
Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications and intimacy, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 unin...

Jokes about tech support really turn me off

...and then back on.

Ophthalmologist Tech Support

My ophthalmologist knows I’m good with computers and was asking if I could help with a little web design that could accommodate the accessibility needs of their patients.

So I built them a site for sore eyes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of new space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all ot...

Tech Support

USER: I can't get on the Internet.

SUPPORT: Are you sure you used the right password?

USER: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

SUPPORT: Can you tell me what the password was?

USER: Five dots.

What did they call Tech Support before gun powder?

Trouble stabbing.

Why was the builder also good at tech support?

He could install Windows really well

This really happened in Tech Support

Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time.

That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program manager.

Customer: "I don't have a 'P'.

Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob.

Custo...

I had to call tech support for my computer the other day.

Tech Support: “It seems as though your operating system was installed backwards.”

Me: “So?”

A remote laptop user calls tech support

A remote laptop user called in and frantically said that all of her emails disappeared. I found them in her deleted folder a few moments later.

Expecting her to want me to tell her how she deleted them, I was trying to come up with solutions for her but then she said, "I know how those got...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tech support call.

Customer: "I got this problem. You people sent me this install disk, and now my A: drive won't work."

Tech Support: "Your A drive won't work?"

Customer: "That's what I said. You sent me a bad disk, it got stuck in my drive, now it won't work at all."

Tech Support: "Did it not in...

Tech support! My computer fell off my desk!

That's not how you back it up.

That's the difference between tech support and a mass shooter?

One is a troubleshooter, while the other is a troubled shooter.

Hello, Tech Support?

How do I set my laser printer to stun?

In tech support, we get asked questions that seem like common sense. Today I told a guy "CTRL-P"...

...but he didn't make it to the bathroom.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I worked as Tech Support for an ISP I had a woman call outraged that we allowed "filth" on her computer...

After she calmed down slightly she explained that her 10 year old Granddaughter was sleeping over and they were having a "Spa Night" and did a web search on "Facials". . . .I was able to hit the mute button in time to avoid making matters far worse... True Story!

"Hello Tech Support, how may I help you?"

"Hello Tech Support, how may I help you?"

"So I just got into work, and it seems McAfee is just hanging."

An old Canadian guy calls up tech support...

"I'm having trouble finding the dotsy key on my keyboard," he says.

"The dotsy key? I've never heard of that. What do you need it for?"

"Well, I'm trying to go to CBC dotsy, eh."

How many tech support representatives does it take to change a lightbulb?

"Have you tried turning it off and turning it back on again?"

Who provides tech support for Israel?

RabbIT

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Calling tech support for sex advice might not end well.

Turning someone off then on again can ruin your night.

So a tech support has a house call...

When he gets there a little old lady answers the door. She let's him in and tell him to sit on the couch while she gets her laptop. She steps away and the tech notices a bowl of peanuts on the coffee table and helps himself to some while he waits. When she comes back the tech says "I hope you don't ...

I work in a call center and i'm a white dude and had an Indian customer who can't understand tech support...

Oh the irony..

Customer and Tech Support

Customer: “I can’t seem to connect to the Internet.”
Tech Support: “Ah, right. What operating system are you running?”
Customer: “Netscape.”
Tech Support: “No, what version of Windows are you using?”
Customer: “Uhhh…Hewlett Packard?”
Tech Support: “No, Right click on ‘My Computer,’ an...

I work in tech support and one of my co-workers drowned last week...

we buried him in rice and he came back a day later!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The computer is connected to watt?

A man calls tech support and says, "I unplugged my space heater, and then my computer just blacked out!"

Tech support: Is the power strip that your computer's plugged into still lit?

User: Yes

Tech support: What happens if you move the mouse or press a key?

User: Noth...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Computer idiots (Warning: Old)

Any time you feel dumb, don't worry. Check out the following excerpts from a "Wall Street Journal" article by Jim Carlton. Lots of people are dumber than you.

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the many calls asking where the "Any" k...

What do you call a person who falls for a tech support scam?

An Indian giver.

Tech support in the military

Troubleshoot to kill.

What do you call Mark Zuckerberg getting therapy?

Tech support

IT Bug

I reporter a bug on github.

Tech support replied:

This bug has been deprecated for 6 months
it has been replaced by a new bug.

How many Indians does it take to fix a computer?

Two.

One to call tech support.

One to answer.

I think there is a bug in my Tinder app, I'm not getting any matches.

So I wrote an email to Tinder's tech support, but apparently they have the same issue.

Computer joke of the day!

>Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up u...

A woman is calling her cell provider...

Woman: I don't get my text messages

Tech support: Have you tried reading them again?

Marketing terms explained

1. You see a beautiful girl at a party. You walk right over to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed!"
\--That's direct marketing.


2. You're at a party with friends and see a beautiful girl. One friend goes over to her, points at you, and says, "He's fantastic in bed."
\--That...

Indians Robbing a Bank

An Indian man tries to rob a bank. He walks out of the bank with no money. The getaway driver asks him “Where’s the money? And why do you have so many computers?” The bank robber replies “They thougth I was tech support.”

A man buys a monitor lizard for his PC.

Back home, he tries to connect it to the computer via HDMI.

The lizard bites him, so he calls the shop.

Tech support: "Monitor Lizards are not compactible with HDMI. You need to connect the lizard via UCP (Universal Cloacal Port). Also they love computer mice. You should buy a 20-pac...

My kids are playing cowboys and Indians.

One is pretending to ride a horse and shoot stuff, the other is providing tech support.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

ID10T Error

Tech Support: Good Morning, Harry speaking how can I help?

Caller: Hi, my machine won't power on!

Tech Support: Ok, have you tried pressing the power button

Caller: Yes, done that still not working

Tech Support: Okay can you check the cables at the back of the machine?...

Mujibar

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .

The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar, you have passed all the tests,
except one. It is a simple test of your English language skills.
Unless you pass it, you cannot qualify for this job.'

Mujibar said, 'I am ready.'

The manager sa...

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