Pier Jokes - 71 Hilarious Pier Jokes

Years ago, my Mother-in-law began reading, "The Exorcist". She said it was the most evil book she ever read. So evil in fact, she couldn't finish it, took it to the ocean and threw it off the pier.

I went out, but another copy, ran it under the faucet, and left it beside her bed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is walking her dog along the pier

When suddenly the dog slips and falls in to the rough sea below. Distraught, she begins to scream for help as the waves drag the dog deeper and deeper. Out of nowhere a German man dives in, brings it ashore, resuscitates it and the dog gets up as if nothing has happened. The woman, who is incredibly...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, a priest decides to take a walk to the pier near his church...

He looks around and finally stops to watch a fisherman load his boat. The fisherman notices, and asks the priest if he would like to join him for a couple of hours. The priest agrees. The fisherman asks if the priest has ever fished before; the priest says no. He baits the hook for him and says, "Gi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do pirates call a prostitute on a pier?

LAAAAAAAAAND HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Dixon Hormuz and Rosie Highman watch the sunset every day at the lakeside pier by their nursing home….

Everyday for 10 years running they sit on a bench while Rosie reaches down into Dixon’s pants and loving holds his retired baby maker in her hands while they watch the beautiful sunset glistening off the still lake.

One day, Dixon doesn’t come to pick her up at dusk. She fears the worst and ...

After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket.

He is approached by the ranger who asks him for his fishing license.

The fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come down to the water and whistle and these lobster jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the d...

[Possibly not Recycled] A man stands at the edge of a pier...

...working up the nerve to throw himself into the water and end it all. A beat cop walking by sees him and lets out a loud tweet on his whistle.

"Hey buddy, what'dya think you're doing?"

"I've had it! I'm done with this life! I'm going to drown myself, here and now!"

"Now hold o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

$1 joke from homeless man on Santa Monica pier- "What did 1 cheek say to the other cheek"

" Together We can stop this "

What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, Dock?

A beautiful young woman is standing at the edge of a pier in New York City, debating jumping in and drowning herself

A sailor passing by sees her and yells, "Lady! Don't jump! I don't know what the problem is, but it's certainly nothing worth killing yourself over!"

She tells the sailor, "I've just been so depressed with my life. Nothing I try works and everything ends in failure. I don't see the point in g...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A knock-knock joke I made up

'Knock knock'

'Who's there?'

'Piers Morgan'

'Piers Mo-...?'

'SO YOU'RE SAYING THAT YOU WANT ME TO RIDICULE SOMEONE WHO ISN'T AROUND TO DEFEND HIMSELF FOR YOUR OWN AMUSEMENT?'

A guy is walking along a pier.

A guy is walking along a pier and sees a lady in a wheelchair crying her eyes out. He asks her what's wrong and she says "im 30 years old, stuck in this chair and I've never been hugged in my life." He hugs her and goes on his way.

The next day he is out walking again and sees the same lady...

According to statistics, the highest suicide rate is found near piers.

I think it’s because of pier pressure.

Why did the pressure cooker jump off the pier?

Peer pressure!

In the end I went to the port along with everyone else.

I gave in to pier pressure.

A very sick main walks onto a pier.

He slowly stumbles around and eventually makes his way to the end of the dock to a small shed.

He stands in front of it and knocks on the door. As soon as someone answers he whimpers, "Can anyone in the help me?"

An old sailor takes one look at him, and says "I think you're at the wro...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man taking a walk along a pier...

... suddenly hears this heartbreaking sobbing. He goes to investigate the noise and finds a woman in a wheelchair, without arms or legs, crying her eyes out.

He rushes over and kneels down besides her, asking her if she's ok, has she been abandoned here?

"Well," She answers, through he...

Hey dad, is that a wiener dog on that pier?

No, that’s a dock, son.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Piers Morgan says women send him their knickers in the post.

Presumably with the message ‘From one to another.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man takes a walk along an ocean pier....

Where he spots a quadriplegic woman in a wheelchair, crying. He asks her what's wrong, and she replies, "I'm 35 years old, and I've never been kissed before."

The man leans forward, and gently kisses the woman on the lips.

The woman cheers up a bit, and thoughtfully says "You know, I'...

A young woman in New York...

... was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to li...

One day a priest was walking on a pier when he noticed a guy in a boat fishing

He waves to the fisherman, and the fisherman asks him if he'd like to join him in the boat for a little angling. The priest enthusiastically agrees but explains that he's never fished before. The angler says he'll teach him.

On his first cast, the priest hauls in a really big fish. The fisher...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was walking along the pier with my toy poodle...

When suddenly, she jumped into the water. I panicked but before I could do anything, a German tourist had jumped in to save the poor dog. He swam over, scooped her up, climbed up the ladder and handed me the shivering poodle.

He said “here is ze dog, keep her warm, dry her off and she vill b...

I don’t know where to park my boat and everyone at the dock keeps staring at me.

I’m under…a lot of pier pressure.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was an armless and legless woman crying on a pier

There was an armless and legless woman crying on a pier. A man walks up to her asking if everything is alright. In between tears the woman explains that she has never been kissed in her life. The man says i can help you and kisses her on the lips. The woman stops crying and says she has also never ...

A long time ago there was a fishing village...

In this fishing village, they worshipped the sea. They did everything on the ocean--they lived in huts on the beach or over the water, they were always fishing, cultivating, and harvesting from the ocean. They also had this custom where they would name their kids based off of how they interacted wit...

A man walks into an antique store and starts looking around.

Suddenly, he gazes upon the most beautiful bronze statue of a siamese cat. He asks the store owner how much he wants for the statue. The store owner replies "It's $100 for the statue and $1000 for the story that goes with it."

The man replies "I really don't care about the story, but I do wa...

A man was arrested in Santa Monica

He claims he was pier pressured

There is a pier with two docks. An empty boat pulls up, which dock do the passengers unboard onto?

Well that's the thing, it's a paradox

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Went to the pier today and seen a lady with no arms and no legs propped up on a bench. She was crying her eyes out.

I walk up to her and said “What’s wrong?” She replies “I’ve never been hugged before.” I looked around and gave her a hug. The next day I encounter the same woman, crying again on the pier. I ask her again, “What’s wrong now?”She says” I’ve never been kissed before.” So I kissed her, but she start...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is at the zoo...

... and comes to a silver back gorilla exhibit and he notices a sign. The sign states " Please do not tap the gorilla". He looks around and says it and taps the gorilla.

The gorilla breaks out the cage violently and starts chasing the man. He realizes the bad choice that he made. He star...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was walking down the pier one day and saw a woman's dog fall into the water...

She started screaming in a panic as her dog couldn't swim very well and was starting to go under. Out of nowhere a little german man dived over the edge and dragged the dog out and started performing CPR on the dog. The dog came to and was fine, the woman says ''Oh my god, are you a little vet?'' th...

When your friend Matt, who you know doesn't like piers, gets too close to one.

Onomatopoeia

(For best experience, say in an English accent)

My neighbor got a boat, so I had to get one, too.

I couldn't resist the pier pressure.

When I said "Why don't you take a long walk off a short pier," I didn't expect him to do it.

I wasn't being littoral.

What do you call a package of documents sent via boat?

Pier to pier file transfer!

Why was no one able to go to the dock anymore

It collapsed because of Pier pressure

A man once called a pier the ugliest eyesore he'd ever seen, but was then never seen again.

I guess you could say he diss-a-pier-ed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day a woman is jogging in the park ()

As she runs past the pond she sees a man with no arms and no legs sitting in a wheelchair on the pier crying. Worried, she walks up to him and asks him what's wrong.

The man looks up at her sadly and says "It's because I've never been hugged." So the woman bends down, and gives him a giganti...

How did pirates communicate before the internet?

Pier to Pier Networking

Stop me if you've heard this one

A person was fishing off of a pier and somehow dropped their wallet into the water. A fish came by and took the wallet in it's fish mouth. It was a carp. A larger fish came by and took the wallet out of the carp's fish mouth. It was also a carp. This was the first known instance of carp to carp wall...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman contacts her brother-in-law last minute to ask him to watch her daughter for the day...

The brother-in-law, Tim, grudgingly agrees. He picks the girl up and takes her down to the shoreline where he works.

"Do you know what I do for a living?"

She nods. "You're a fisherman, right?"

"Well, kind of. See, we get a lot of fish around here, and in order to catch as ma...

Ukrainian Armed Force enters Crimea.

So ukrainian soldiers enter Crimea, all ruzzians and pro-ruzzian citizen decide to evacuate to ruzzia.
Kerch, pier, enormous ferry.
People and cars taking on it.
The captain stands aside and smoking pipe.
Petty officer asks: Sir, maybe it is enough, sir?
Captain: No. Not yet...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Fisherman and the Wheel Chair

Along the pier the fisherman dropped his line as he did every morning for the past 20 years. Today he saw a woman sitting in a wheelchair crying hysterically. He felt bad and went over and asked her, “Dear lady, what is the problem?” She replied, “Well, being in this wheelchair and all no man has ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

No one ever fucks me

Billy has always wanted to go on a deep sea fishing trip but could never afford it. He saved all the spare money he could but still didnt have enough to pay for tge trip so he decides to just buy a 6 pack of Bud Light and fish off of the pier.

He gets out to the pier and notices a woman with ...

I, Mewlingquimlover was in Scotland, in a bar, talking to a young man.

I said, "Lad, look out there to the field. Do ya see that fence? Look how well it's built. I built that fence stone by stone with me own two hands. I piled it for months."
"But do they call me Mewlingquimlover-the-Fence-Builder? Nooo..."

Then I gestured at the bar. "Look here at the bar. D...

I recently bought a boat for a friend.

I was pier pressured.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Father and son from Utah, both avid fishermen, finally decide to visit the British Isles

So they have a beer in London, bag of crisps in Birmingham, they enjoy a slice of the famous Chevington cheese in Newcastle, and as they slowly traveled Northward, they both get the urge to go fishing in the famous Scottish Lochs.

And so it came to pass, that in Glasgow, they bought a o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What a fish…

So, one day a monk goes fishing. He walks out on the pier, throws that line out there nice and good, and lets it rest for a bit. BAM! Fish on! And man, is he fighting! Falling over, sliding across the pier, no good! Some good Samaritans decide to help. They prop him up, and fight that good fight! Be...

My wife called because the car wouldn't start.

She said it has water in the carburetor. Knowing my wife has no knowledge of anything mechanical I said, "and how do you know there's water in the the carburetor?"
She said, "because I drove off the pier and it's in the ocean. "

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Balls

A group of generals and an admiral are all fishing off a pier one crisp fall afternoon. They each have a personal aide* with them. The topic of which branch has the biggest balls comes up and the debate get's pretty heated.

The Navy admiral takes his hat* off and throws it into the lake. "Sea...

What causes some boats to become party boats?

Pier pressure

My friends told me to jump under a dock

I was crushed and broke multiple bones.

Morale of the story, dont give in to pier pressure

The Dockmaster recently started smoking.

Gave into pier pressure.

What do you call it when people try to make you to build a a platform supported on pillars or girders leading out from the shore into a body of water, used as a landing stage for boats even though you don’t want to?

Pier pressure

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My cousin tried to leave after talking about our dock on the lake.

I wasn't just going to let him dis a pier.

If your boat gets sick, I know a great dock.

It's pier-reviewed.

The difference between Republicans and Democrats:

A Republican sees a man drowning 40 feet from a pier. He throws him a 20-foot rope and expects him to swim half way.
A Democrat sees a man drowning 40 feet from a pier. He throws him an 80-foot rope. And lets go of his end.

What do you call a dehydrated french man?

Pier (pronounced pee-air)

Went to the seaside and didn't want to go with my friends on this long wooden platform...

But in the end I bowed to pier pressure.

A woman with no arms and no legs...

A man was walking down the beach on his first day of vacation. At the end of the beach was a pier, from which he heard crying.

Upon investigating, he discovered a sad woman with no arms and no legs was laying prostate at the end of the pier.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"I have no...

How do you ensure a dock gets a fair trial?

Have it decided by a jury of his piers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two women go fishing together almost every day....

but only one of the women ever seems to catch any fish. Her friend tries to figure out her method for success but cannot. Some days she fishes off the left side of the pier, some days she fishes off the right side -- but there is no pattern. After many months she finally asks her friend, "What is yo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Never been fucked

One day a guy is walking on the pier and sees a woman in a wheelchair crying. The man walks up to her to see if he can help.

"You see," the woman says through sobs, "I've been in a wheelchair since I was young and boys never paid me any attention. Can you believe I've never even been hugged b...

Why do they put protection buoys on boats during docking?

To protect it from pier pressure.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Boyde the...

A young man walks into a bar in Scotland and orders a beer. He says, "Greetings from America!"... the bartendender gives him his beer and says, "Welcome, me names Boyde!"

After a few moments the young man realizes that the bar is AMAZING, hand built wood. He asks the bartender, "Did your fath...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"You're a quay!" I shouted. Everyone looked at me like I was a weirdo, but I blame my girlfriend.

She was the one that told me to diss a pier.

Why didn't the man go under the boardwalk?

He doesn't like giving in to pier pressure.

I heard the boat lost at sea was the best boat around.

It had no piers.

A young boat dock is caught smoking

A young boat dock is caught smoking by his mother. When his father gets home the parents stand over the little boat dock lecturing him on the dangers of smoking. "What do you have to say for yourself?" The little boat dock replies, "It was pier pressure."

Holiday trip to Alcatraz

A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco's Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz.

Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.