I killed my grandpa by switching off his life support

Gotta admit it was quite breathtaking

Taking my mother-in-law off her life support was one of the hardest things I’ve done.

I had to fight my wife, two doctors, and a nurse to finally do it.

If I end up on life support, unplug me.

Then plug me back in. See if that works.

I unplugged my grandma's life support

The moment was really breathtaking.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man’s wife is on life support and the only way to bring her back to normal is oral sex.

A man’s standing by his wife on life support as the doctor walks into the room.

“Sir, the only way you can get your wife back to normal is oral sex”

“Are you sure about that? That seems odd doesn’t it?”

“I’m afraid we looked at all the options and it’s the only way”

“For...

Life Support

After the birth of their first child Tom and Sarah decided it was time to write a will and get their affairs in order. They went to a lawyer and outlined for him their ideas about how their estate should be handled.

The lawyer then asked them questions about what medical means should be emplo...

It was very difficult to switch off my wife's life support system.

You try fighting off 2 nurses, a doctor and my sons.

"I built a new life support suit that allows me to not have to be entirely confined to a helmet and full body outfit."

\~ Darth Innovader

It was extremely difficult to switch off my mother in law’s life support system.

I had to fight the doctor, my wife, and her siblings to finally do it.

If I'm ever on life support, I want you to pull up he plug...

Then wait 10 seconds and plug it back in, maybe that'll work.

Life support issues

Last night I was in the living room, talking to my wife about life. In-between, we talked about the idea of living or dying. I told her : 'Never let me live in a vegetative state, totally dependent on machines and liquids from a bottle. If you see me in that state I want you to disconnect all the co...

I had to unplug my mom's life support today.

She always told me to finish my vegetables.

Conversation between my grandfather and me.

Grandad: Jack, you're too attached to technology.
Me: No YOU'RE Too attached to technology! *unplugs life support*

Stupid but hope you like it sorry for bad grammar

A scottsman an Irishman and an Englishman are all on a plane the scotsman has a bomb an irishman has a knife and the Englishman has a brick the Irishman they all drop there things out of a window when the Irishman gets home he find his dad crying on the sofa in his living room he asks what's wrong h...

My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology.

I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

Why is life so hypocritical?

Apparently my mom always told me to save electricity by turning off things I’m not using and save it for later but when I’m pulling the plug off of patients’ life support, I’m suddenly going to jail? Jeez, those police really wanted me to not save electricity.

My grandparents think that I depend too much on technology.

They always talk about how much my generation depends on technology, and my grandfather always mentions it whenever I visit them, so then I replied, “no, your generation depends too much on technology.”

Then I unplugged his life support.

What do you call a recharging vibrator?

Boyfriend on life support.

The girlfriend ask her boyfriend.

What will happen if i pulled the plug when you are in the middle of your game.

The boyfriend replied.

I will treasure the time with you, deepen our relationship, so that one day we can get married. Have 1 or 2 kids in our happy family and grow old together. And when we are too old, w...

In one Intensive care unit

people always died on the same bed at 11 am on a Sunday morning, regardless of their condition. This puzzled medical staff, so a group of doctors decided to observe the bed in secret and waited for the fateful hour. Some held crosses and prayer books to ward off evil influences, while the less super...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’ll never forget my grandpas last words...

“Quit messing around with my life support cord you twat”

One day, workers at a hospital noticed something very peculiar.

Everyday Tuesday, at approximately 11:24 pm, whichever patient was lying in bed 3 in room 152 would inexplicably die, no matter what condition they were in. This phenomenon went on for sometime, baffling scientists and doctors all over the world and starting many conspiracy theories centered on the...

The older generatiom

The older generation always complain about technological advances; "kids these days can't put their phones down for 5 minutes". But I'm seeing more and more elderly people who can't live without their life support.

What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

The life support systems.

A Halloween story A Hospital in Alabama got a lot of doctors and medical experts baffled over a string of deaths in an ICU at an exact time and same bed

Doctor 1: It's always 10am i tell you! Then it's Flatline!

Doctor 2: I have 3 patients that has a very good chance to live but also died on that same bed and at the same time.

Doctor 3: Mine too.

Doctor 4: I have a patient in there now and its almost 10am. Shall i get him away f...

How does PETA support animals that have been hurt?

By unplugging their life support so they can sing for them.

You are lying on your deathbed

Your family and loved ones surround you, supporting you. You feel reassured, ready to move on, as your wife pulls the plug on life support.

As the machines wind down... you dont die. Your family is ecstatic, the doctors are bewildered. They all cry, saying it is a miracle.

Two hours l...

Bosnian X-Files

In Sarajevo hospital, at intensive care unit, a patient would die every single Friday at exactly 11 PM, in the very same bed, no matter what their medical condition may have been.

Doctors became extremely worried because they couldn't determine causes of their deaths.

Time passed on a...

Horrible day

"Houston we have a problem."
*What?*
"Our equipment is malfunctioning and our backup life support has failed, it's just been a horrible day."
*Roger that. Have you tried restarting the...*
"OMG Houston, stop trying to fix the problem, I just want you to listen and be supportive!"

Bro: So how is your new job at the hospital?

Me: I got fired. They didn't appreciate my professional IT knowledge.

Bro: That sucks man.

 

 

Earlier at the hospital,

Me: (Pointing at life support system) Have you tried to turn it ON and OFF again.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny was a fucking idiot...

and his teacher kept saying "You're going to be the death of me." because of how bad he was at all his subjects.

One day, the school had enough and decided to expel little Johnny, and in the meeting with his parents, the principal said "Ma'am, your son cannot stay in this school, he can't rea...

I have convinced my grandma that the baby boomers are as dependent on technology as us.

When she said " you millenials are so addicted to technology" I quickly glanced at her life support. That was the last time she said it.

If you want to know if someone's lying to you.

Pull their life support and see how fast they jump up.

Works 2/3 times.

RIP Lila

Very dark humor(Long joke)

A grandfather and a grandson are sitting next to each other. The grandson in on his phone while the grandfather is trying to talk to him. The grandfather says to himself, “Urgh, how you children are dependent on technology.” The grandson hears what the grandfather said and replied with, “No, your ge...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man's wife had been in a coma in hospital for some time

As part of her continued care, her sheets were changed often and she was given sponge baths by a nurse.

During one of the sponge baths, the nurse noticed the wife reacted slightly when her private parts were washed.

The nurse spoke to the husband and explained that she had an unconvent...

I helped a kid with cancer one time

He wanted me to unplug his life support machine

The Browns' New QB

The head coach of the Browns is looking for a new QB when he sees news footage of a man in Afghanistan.

This man is fighting the Taliban and in the space of a few seconds, the coach sees him burst through a wooden barricade, knock down 10 armed soldiers, run 100 yards in 10 seconds, pick up a...

The story of Tyrone

When he was in school none of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity and clumsiness. However, no one disliked him as much as his teacher who was always telling him, "You're driving me crazy, Tyrone!"

One day Tyrone's mother came to the school to check on her son, and his teacher t...

After years of stuffing her face, my wife finally took it too far and fell into a deep diabetic coma.

After two weeks of no improvement, her doctor took me to one side..

"I'm sorry, but all our tests are indicating no sign of her ever recovering." He told me, sombrely.

"It may be time to take away her life support."

Suddenly, my wife's eyes sprung open and she sat bolt uprigh...

Dad on Deathbed

[Deathbed]

Dad: Don't put me in the wrong burial plot

Son: Dad stop it, I'm never turning this life support off!

Dad: because that would be...a grave mistake lol

Son: So is it this switch here or

(credit: @arfmeasures )

Two IT pros are being held on charges for murder

The local hospital's life support machine was acting up, so they turned it off and back on again.

What's the difference between a plant and a vegetable?

A vegetable needs life support.

My grandfather once said that we're starting to rely way too much on technology; that it's important we remind ourselves to live without it. I honestly had to agree with him.

So, I unplugged his life support.

Somebody told me to "live everyday like it's your last".

So, I decided I'd stay in bed with life support and act as if I'm in comatose state from now on.

NASA sends a redneck and a chimpanzee to the moon.

When the rocket lands on the moon's surface, the computer screen automatically switches itself on & the chimpanzee clicks on the desktop file that contains his instructions:-

1)....Ensure that rocket has landed at the correct co-ordinates and is anchored safely.
2)....Check ALL l...

A man is dying of cancer...

He tells his wife, "Honey, if things start looking bad, please just turn off my life support."

A tear rolls down her cheek as he grasps her hand and continues, "Then turn it back on again and see if that fixes it."

I'm not saying I hate you...

but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

My friends and I just started a music group.

We're calling the band "Grandpa's Life Support." That way, if we ever have an acoustic album, it'll be called "Grandpa's Life Support: Unplugged."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Man who Chose Heaven Instead of Hell

Evan O'Reilly was known throughout America as a truly exceptional man. As the curer of several diseases, the discoverer of many life supporting planets, and the inventor of many new robotics, he was given an option as he neared his death. He was visited by the Angel of Death when he was 108 (his new...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is sick of her husband...

(Prepare yourself. You'll be here for a little while)

The guy is a dedicated body builder of 14 years. He's in great shape but he barely pays any attention to his wife. She decides to go and find a better man one night.

She ends up in a nightclub and meets a good looking young Doctor. ...

I was hanging out with my grandfather.

I was on my phone when he knocks it out of my hands and said " You rely to much on technology " red in the face with rage I scream " No YOU rely to much on technology" as I pull the plug on his life support.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.