UPJOKE
sunsunlightsunburnsunningdefecatesightseedisrobeloungingcavortsaunterbathewindsurfsunbakeskin cancerultraviolet

Sunbathe Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man sunbathes in the nude and ends up burning his penis

His doctor tells him to ease the pain by dipping it in a saucer of cold milk. Later, his blonde wife comes home and finds him with his dick in a saucer of cold milk.

"Good heavens!" she remarks "I always wondered how you reloaded those things!"

My wife hates it when our next door neighbor sunbathes topless in her yard.

Personally I’m on the fence.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man decided to sunbathe on the beach.

He took all of his clothes off, except that he covered his private parts with a hat to prevent a sunburn. As he's sunbathing, a woman walks past him. She looks at the man and snidely remarks:

"A true gentleman would always tip his hat for a lady."

To which the man replies:

"Ma'a...

A kid saw a naked man sunbathing.

He asked him, “what’s that?”.

He replied, “This is a bird, that’s it’s nest and these are its eggs. Now beat it kid I’m trying to catch some Z’s.”

And so the kid left.

The nudist sunbather wakes up in the hospital with the kid right next to him.

“Why am I here?”, he ask...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man sunbathes nude and gets a sunburn on his penis

He goes to the doctor and asks him what to do.

His doctor says that he should put it in a saucer of milk for an hour a day for a week to help.

That night he decides to try it.

His wife comes home and sees him with his dick in some milk and says “oh I’ve always wondered how you r...

A man goes to a doctor after being hit by a car...

Dr. : How did it happen?
Man: I was sunbathing when a female driver ran over me.
Dr. : I would say it's your fault. It's common sense not to sunbathe in the lawn when you know there are female drivers on the road.
Man: But doctor I was sunbathing on the roof!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy finally gets a date with an easy blonde...

To prepare for the date he sunbathes in the nude on his roof,
falls asleep and burns his manhood. He doesn't want to cancel
so he slathers it with lotion and wraps it in gauze.
The blonde shows up at his house and he treats her to
a home-cooked dinner. Afterwards they go to the living ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A redditor is being investigated for tax fraud

So he goes to the IRS bar at the bank with his attorney little Johnny.

The tax bartender asks him "you have no marketable skills, how do you make so much money?"

The redditor responds "I tell jokes, want to hear one? If you guess the punch line I'll pay you $69, if not you'll owe me $...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Official outdoor temperature scale

Official outdoor temperature scale:

+10 Residents of Vilnius apartments wear sweaters and put on wool socks. The Finns plant flowers.

+5 Finns sunbathe in the sun.

+2 Italian cars don’t start.

0 Distilled water freezes.

-1 Breathing becomes visible. It's time ...

A grad student, a post-doc, and a professor are walking through a city park...

A grad student, a post-doc, and a professor are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.

The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."

"Me first! Me first!" says the gr...

Surf's up?

A Californian surfer visiting Australia was having a good time catching the breakers at resorts along the Gold Coast, but wanted a special experience. He wanted to surf a beach where nobody, or almost nobody, goes.

So he gets in the car, drives north. At the first remote beach he hits, he has...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.