After hearing the story of Jonah at Sunday School, a little girl repeated the story at school on Monday.

Her teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because, even though it is a very large mammal, its throat is very small.

The little girl said, "But how can that be? Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not sw...

The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question: "When you die and go to Heaven... which part of your body goes first?"

Suzy raised her hand and said "I think it's your hands.” "Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?" Suzy replied "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first.” “What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.

Little Johnny raised his hand and...

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Little Johnny comes home from Sunday school.

His father asks him what they were talking about. "Exodus" he answers. "Oh, and what did you learn?" inquires father. "Well, you see Moses was leading his people out of Egypt and they came to the Red Sea. To get across Moses picks up his radio and calls for engineers. They quickly build pontoon brid...

A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service

A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

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Rosy and Sunday school

Rosy goes to Sunday school every week, but falls asleep every class!

One day, to “inadvertently” call her out on it, the teacher calls on Rosy and asks this question:

“Who created the universe as we know it to be?”

At this point, to just have a laugh, Rosy’s friend, Adam, sittin...

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Little April was not the best student in Sunday school

Usually she slept through class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “tell me April, who created the universe?” When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. “GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April l and the teacher sai...

Before lecturing her Sunday school class on heaven and hell, the teacher asked her students "Do you know where girls and boys go when they do bad things"?

"Sure" a boy replied, "Behind Kristin's garage"

Sunday School

A little boy and a little girl were at Sunday school one week. Throughout the lecture, the little boy kept poking the girl with his pencil.

About ten minutes of poking and lecturing later, the teacher asks "Who created the earth?"

Little girl, tired of being poked by the pencil, slams ...

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One day, little Susie was sitting in Sunday School

Susie was a good kid who liked to pay attention in here sunday school bible classes. The only problem was the she sat in front of the class delinquent, Joe. While the teacher was teaching, she decided to ask the class a question to make sure all the kids were paying attention.


"So class, ...

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A Boy came home from Sunday School

His mother asked what he learned that day, the boy replied.

'They were teaching us about Moses. Moses had to take the Jews across the Red Sea, so he ordered his military engineers to build a bridge so they can cross the Red Sea, but the Egyptians came chasing after them , so moses ordered his...

Josey wasn't the best Sunday School student.

She often fell asleep and one day while she was sleeping, the teacher asked her a question.

"Who is the creator of the universe?"

Joe was sitting next to Josey and decided to poke her with his pencil to wake her up. Josey jumped and yelled, "God almighty!" The teacher congratulated h...

So a Sunday School teacher asks her class where Jesus is.

Little Susie says, “In Heaven!”

Little Amy says, “In my heart!”

Little Johnny says, “In my bathroom!”

Perplexed, the Sunday School teacher asks little Johnny why Jesus would be in his bathroom.

“I don’t know, I just hear my dad every morning banging on the bathroom door a...

Little Johnny and little Susie were in Sunday school.

Johnny, thinking he was being funny, kept poking Susie in the back with a pencil.

Up front, the teacher was asking some questions, "What did lucifer say after falling from heaven?" She asked. Just then Johnny jabbed Susie with the pencil.

"Cut it out." She hissed over her shoulder....

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When I was younger, I stole a cookie after Sunday school. As I was creeping away, I was caught red handed by a priest.

I was fucked.

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Sunday School

Sister Mary Francis asked each of her young charges to tell the class what they want to do when they grow up.

Johnny says "I'm going to be a policeman." "Very good," say Sister Mary Francis.

Peter says "I'm going to be a fireman." "Very nice," says the nun.

Then Mary stands up, ...

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Dirty Johnny is in Sunday School when the teacher asks the class,

"What happened when Jesus went to Mount Olive?"

Johnny's hand shot up. Since Johnny never raised his hand, the teacher called on him.

Johnny knowingly grinned and yelled, "Popeye kicked the shit out of him".

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A nun is in charge of painting the walls of a newly built classroom for Sunday School....

Not wanting to get paint on her habit, she decides that it would be best to strip completely naked. She closes the curtains, disrobes, and begins painting the room. Suddenly she hears a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" She asks.

"Blind man." Is the answer.

Thinking there is no ...

Sunday school

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan. She asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?"
A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up."

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"

Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."

Mary answers, "He's in my heart."

Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"

The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.

"Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my f...

Todd sat behind Claire in Sunday school

The teacher asked the class 'Who created the universe?'
Todd poked Claire with his pencil and she jumped up yelling 'GOD ALMIGHTY!'
'Correct Claire'
The class goes on for a few minutes and the teacher asks 'Now, can anyone tell me who died on the cross?'
Todd poked Claire again and she l...

The teacher noticed that a girl was falling asleep in Sunday school

She knew the girl wasn't paying attention so she asked her, "Who created the world and everything in it?" The boy sitting behind her poked her with his pencil, hard. She screamed, "Oh, God!" and she got that question right. The teacher could swear she wasn't paying attention so she decided to ask th...

During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die.

A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

Two young boys were walking home from church discussing the day's Sunday School lesson - 'Is Satan Real?'

The older one said "Ya know, I bet it's just like Santa and it turns out to be Dad."

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Sunday School Suzy

There was once a girl named Suzy. She went to Sunday school at her local church every week. Her parents were lenient so she slept through most of the days. One day while Suzy was asleep she was called on by the teacher. The teacher asked “Suzy, what is the name of our lord and saviour?”. Suzy didn’t...

Little Johnny in Sunday school

So little Johnny is in Sunday school for weeks and every time the answer to all the questions is Jesus! So the teacher asks little Johnny. What is black and has white spots and makes a moo sound. Little Johnny says well it sounds awfully like a cow, but I’m gonna say it’s Jesus!

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A Sunday school teacher was teaching her first-grade class.

"Class," she said, "what were the first words Jesus said when he walked out of the tomb on Easter morning?"

A little girl waved her hand excitedly. "Ooh! Ooh! I know!" she said. "Pick me! Pick me!"

The teach smiled and said, "All right, Susie. What did Jesus say when he walked out...

Johnny and Sarah are in Sunday School ...

Johnny and Sarah are sitting in Sunday school class when Sarah begins to fall asleep. The teacher notices this and decides to embarrass Sarah by asking her a question. The teacher asks, "Sarah, who created the heavens and the earth?" Johnny decides to help Sarah out and wake her up, so he covertly t...

A Sunday School teacher is teaching kids about Heaven and asked the class their thoughts on which part of them would get to Heaven first.

Little Suzy says it's her heart, because she's so caring and loving. Angie says it's her brain, because she's smart and uses it to help people.

Tommy looks around and say "No, no, no. It's not your brain or heart. I know the answer to this one. It's your feet."

"Why your feet?" asked t...

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Little Johnny comes home from Sunday school with a black eye.

His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?”

"But Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulle...

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Sunday School

A girl named Emily is sitting in Sunday school, but she just can not stay awake. She falls asleep and the class continues. The teacher asks the class

"who died on the cross?"

A boy behind Emily sees that she is sleeping and pokes her in the back with a pencil. She yelps out

"JE...

A kid asks the Sunday school teacher which part of the body goes to Heaven first. The teacher decides to make it a lesson and asks the kids what they think.

Sarah says 'it's your brain, because that's what controls everything'

Tina says 'it's your heart, because that's where Jesus lives'

Johnny yells out 'your feet!'

The teacher asks why the feet.

Johnny replies 'because I looked in Mrs Brown's bedroom window this morning and...

Tommy doesn't want to go to Sunday school

Sunday morning, Tommy tells his mom, "I don't want to go to Sunday school anymore. I want to go to the real service with you and Daddy."

To his surprise, he gets his way. He sits in the main sanctuary for the first time, and he notices a display he hadn't seen before. There's an American flag...

A Story from an Irish Sunday School Teacher

I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.

'I asked them, ' If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?'

'NO!' the children answered. ...

A little girl came home from sunday school and told her dad, "Daddy, the priest made me do something naughty today"

"WHAT??? WHAT HAPPENED???", he bellowed.

"Well, he took me back to his room and told me to take off my dress" said the girl.

"AND THEN WHAT??", he asked, his face turning purple.

"He took off his robe"

"HE DID WHAT? WHAT HAPPENED AFTER THAT?", he demanded, starting to bre...

Johnny and Tina were sitting in sunday school..

When Tina started to fall asleep in the front row. The nun sees this and calls out "Tina! Who created our earth world and hears our prayers?" Johnny quickly poked Tina in the back with a ruler and she sprung up and yelled "OH MY GOD!" The nun gave a suprised look and said "oh... I guess you were pay...

A joke from kids at my old Sunday School: A man buys a horse...

The woman selling the horse says ''before you ride off with him, you must remember some very important phrases! This horse will not move unless you speak to him ''Thank God''. He will not stop until you say ''Amen''. Only these commands will he act upon, understand?''


The man is confused,...

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Mary has trouble staying awake in Sunday School...

Mary has trouble staying awake in Sunday School, and she's sick of getting in trouble with the Sister who teaches it, so she gets her best friend to sit behind her in class and try to keep her from getting caught.

She attends class, and sure enough, 10 minutes in she's out cold at her desk. T...

A Sunday School Teacher . . .

A Sunday School Teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to "Honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat, one li...

So a man is set up on a blind date with a Sunday school teacher...

He was worried about possibly going out with a prude but decided to give it a shot anyway. He took her out to dinner and asked what kind of wine should they order. She responded "Oh no, I couldn't have a drink. What would I tell my Sunday school?"

Disappointed, he realized this date was get...

Little Johnny is in Sunday School,

and little Mary Margaret in the front row pipes up, "Sister Jean, what part of our body gets to heaven first?"

And the sister Jean smiles and asks, "Well what do you think, class? What part of your body gets to heaven first?"

Tommy raises his hand, "I think it's your hands, 'cuz that'...

My Sunday School teacher is so old...

.. when the New Testament came out she said "I don't care for the new curriculum."

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings.

Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.

Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as if he was sick, and said. "Johnny what is the matter?"

Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going...

Little kid in sunday school

the teacher is asking the 5 year olds questions, and asks one specific question to little Suzie; "And why is it important for us to be quiet when we're listening to the sermon, Suzie?" To which she replied, "because the old people are sleeping."

A Sunday School teacher is teaching her class about Hell.

She asks the class, "Do any of you know what happens to little boy and girls when they're bad?"

A child raises their hand as says, "Oh yeah, Father Martin takes you into the bushes behind the church!"

The teacher is taken aback, and screams at the child.

Another child stands up...

Two schoolgirls are coming home from Sunday school one day...

One turns to the other and says, "Do you believe in the devil?"

The other one says, "Don't be silly, of course not, the devil is like Santa; it's only your dad."

–Season one episode two of the BBC's Luther.

****

*http://movies.netflix.com/WiMovie/Luther/70175633

Little Johnny is at Sunday school

and his teacher asks him "If I went to Church every week, and tried to live my life following the ten commandments, would I get into heaven?"

"No!" answers little Johnny

"If I sold my house, my car, and all of my other possessions, and gave all the money to the church, would I get into...

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there were two kids in a sunday school...

there were two kids in a sunday school named adam and mary, adam was sitting directly behind mary and everytime mary raised her hand to answer a question, adam found it amusing to poke her in the back with his pencil.
"todays lesson we will be answering three questions and then you may leave" sai...

Two little girls were walking home from Sunday School

One turns to the other and asks "What did you think about all that Satan stuff- do you think he's real?" The other replied, "Don't be silly, the Devil's like Santa- it's just your dad."



Thanks Luther, for this joke and for being a great TV show.

How do you get out of Sunday school?

You tell your mom you're Sikh.

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I was desperate and I couldn't get a date with a girl to save my life until...

I swiped right on a blind date, a profile picture. She asked me to pick her up, so i did, but I wasn't expecting much. I went up to the door expecting 400 lbs of desperation, but she answer the door 5 foot 2 with baby blue eyes, strawberry blonde curls and all the right curves in all the right place...

A little girl in her Sunday best was running...

A little girl in her Sunday best was running as fast as she could to get to Sunday school on time. As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late. Dear Lord, please don't let me be late." At that moment she tripped and fell getting her clothes all dirty. She got up, brushed herself o...

Jesus is in the bathroom

A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So he asked his ...

One Sunday morning

there was a girl named Sarah sitting in Sunday school when she fell asleep. The teacher called on Sarah and asked "who in the Bible turned water into wine?" The boy next to Sarah poked her with a pencil and she woke up and shouted "Jesus!" "Very good. Now can you tell me who created the world?" Sara...

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground....

....Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Little Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't...

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Emma didn't get very much sleep on Saturday night.

Because of that fact she kept falling asleep in Sunday School. While she was sleeping, her teacher decided to ask her a question, "Who created the universe?"

The boy sitting next to her, Joey, poked her with his pencil to help her our. She jumped up and yelled, "God!"

The teacher told ...

Clergy with terrible, terrible habits.

A Catholic priest, a Methodist pastor, a Baptist minister, and an Episcopalian rector were attending an ecumenical conference. After the conferences were done and they had supper, they were relaxing in the hotel restaurant, talking.

The Catholic priest said, "You know, it's great to get to k...

Last Dad Joke of the day for me

Two boys are walking home from Sunday School after hearing some strong preaching about the devil.

One says to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff"?

The other says "Well you know how Santa turned out to be, it's probably just your Dad".

First Pancake

A young mother was preparing breakfast for her sons, Kevin, 5 and Ryan, 3. They both said they wanted pancakes. As the pancakes were almost finished and the syrup was being heated in the microwave, the boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.

Their mother, who was also a Sund...

An Old Atheist Joke

A little boy walks down the street to his church every Sunday. Every now and then he gets curious about the alley running between the houses straight to the church, but his friends tell him to walk around the block like normal because a mean atheist hangs out in the alley.

One day he's by him...

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Vell, Ole and Lena went to the same Lutheran Church...

Lena went every Sunday and taught Sunday School. Ole went on Christmas and Easter, and once in awhile he went on one of the other Sundays. On one of those Sundays, he was in the pew right behind Lena and he noticed vhat a fine looking woman she was.

Vhile dey were taking up the collection, O...

Jesus is watching you...

A man broke into a house one night, his goal was to take something small and valuable.

While he was searching through the stuff he heard a small voice "Jesus is watching you."

He stopped for a moment and said to himself "This must be a voice from my old sunday school."

So he ...

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What part of the body goes to heaven first

A Sunday school teacher and ask her class which part of the body they think goes to heaven first. Little Mary says she thinks the hands because when you pray your hands are raised. Teachers that good answer. Little Tom says he thinks it’s the head because he use your mouth to sing praises to Jesus. ...

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Two priests are on a plane

So two priests are flying with a planeload of Sunday school kids to the Vatican to meet the Pope. Halfway across the Atlantic the pilot tells them that the plane is going to crash and that there are only two parachutes.

One priest turns to the other and says, “grab the chutes and we’ll jump!...

One of our classmates got suspended after saying this joke in class

A little girl walks up to her Dad after her Sunday School lessons one day, and she looks upset. The Dad asks "Aw Baby what happened?"

The girl whispers to her Dad, "Daddy the Priest... He...he..."
The Dad sighs deeply, and says "what happened sweetie?"

"He...he told me to stay back ...

What part of the body goes to heaven first?

In Sunday school, Sister Mary asked the class: "What part of the body goes to heaven first?"

In the back of the class, nasty Billy waved his hand frantically, but Sister Mary, suspecting a wrong answer, turned to another child.

"Yes, Susan?"

"The heart goes to heaven first beca...

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How do they say "fuck you" in...

... New York? "Trust me."

... Alabama? "That's nice."

... Australia? "Mate, ..." (as opposed to, "... mate.")

... Canada? "I'm sorry you feel that way."

... The armed forces? "With all due respect..."

... Congress? "Thank you."

... Press conferences? "No co...

How to get to heaven

A Sunday school teacher asked her class the question how do we get to heaven?
She then asked, “Can I be nice to my neighbors and go to church every Sunday and get into heaven?”
The class replied, “No.”
She said, “Okay, can I keep my house clean and help the poor then get into heaven?”
Th...

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Susan at Bible Shool

Susan was a good little Christian girl, but one Saturday night, she stayed up way to late. So when Sunday rolled around and it came time for Sunday School, she finally forced herself to go. Upon her arrival she figured it wasn't all that important as it was the same lesson from 3 weeks ago. She doze...

A mid 30's guy is grocery shopping, and a 20 something blonde catches his eye.

She looks very familiar, but he can't remember where he met her. When they moved closer, she said to him, "Hi - I think you're the father of one of my children."

The guy freaks out. He says, "I've only cheated on my wife 3 times - in Vegas 5 years ago, in Orlando 4 years ago, and in Seattle ...

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My sister-in-law was teaching Sunday

My sister-in-law was teaching Sunday school class. The topic for the day: Easter Sunday and the resurrection of Christ.

“What did Jesus do on this day?” she asked. There was no response, so she gave her students a hint: “It starts with the letter R.”

One boy blurted, “Recycle!”

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So Adam and Sarah partyed all night....

And in the morning, it was saturday and they had to go to sunday school.
Adam was wide awake but sarah was still hella tired.
They get there and Sarah immediately fell asleep as soon as the priest started talking. He eventually decided to give a pop quiz. He asked the first question.
"Wh...

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Since it is ethnic joke day and all here's a Greek one.

Little Jim comes home from Sunday school.

Mom: What did they teach you today, honey?

Jim: Today they taught us about Moses. God sent him on a secret mission to free the Hebrews from Egypt. When they got to the Red Sea Moses had his mechanics build a bridge so everyone could pass but wh...

Class Teacher

At a Sunday school class the teacher asked a child; do you pray to God before lunch or dinner?
The child said, “No ma'am, my moms a good cook!”

Little Johnny

A teacher in Sunday school once asked Little Johnny, "Johnny, do you believe in the Devil?"

"No," said Little Johnny knowledgeably. "It's just like with Santa Claus. I know it's really my dad."

What's Resurrection?

There was a man teaching the children's Sunday school class, and his lesson was on resurrection. The man asks the kids if they know what the word resurrection means.

After a long silence a little boy in the back of the room raises his hand and says "Well I don't know what it is but I know tha...

Mr Sugarbrown's daughter?

A little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr.
Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say,"I'm Janey Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,"Aren't you Mr.
Sugarbrown's daughter?" With her mother standing just a few feet away, ...

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