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What did Gordon Ramsay say when he saw the Egyptian sun god?

It's fucking Ra!

How does Lady Gaga like her steak?

Raw Raw Ra-aw.

I used to believe in Ra...

but it turned out to be a pyramid scheme.

Did you know the ancient Egyptians watched monster movies?

Moth-Ra was their favorite. (Yes, I am a dad)

Do you know how thousands of people quit smoking every year?

Do you know how thousands of people quit smoking every year?

Answer: By Dying


I saw it in a bollywood movie named Ra.one

I took a dyslexia test online, but as it turns out it was actually a dysphoria test, so guess what...

I'm a gril who can't raed.

Remember that scene from A Christmas Story where the people at the Chinese restaurant were singing "Fa ra ra ra raaa..."?

They were really filled with that no-L spirit.

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Ice Fishing

It was a cold winter day. An old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited patiently for a bite.


He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice and cut a hole in the ice next to him...

[NSFW] Did you hear about the sun god's date with your mom?

I heard he Ra dogged her all day long.

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What does a Missouri congressman order out at a Japanese restaurant?

Ramen and ra-women.

A tasty dish made by Voldemort

Avada - KEBAB- ra...

How do you know when a good romance is starting?

Because i know that Bad Romace starts with: Ra ra-ah-ah-ah Roma, Roma-ma Gaga, oh la-la

Good romance starts with a good friendship

A bad romance starts with "ra ra ah ah ah. ro, ro ma ma ga ga, ooh la la,"

A man was recruited for a space colony

He had been posted to a planet 14 lightyears from Sol. As his ship landed on the planet's glowing surface, he saw a car waiting for him.

"Welcome to Anti-Earth," The driver said, "don't worry we are going to change the name soon. I am here to take you to your quarters and show you the colony ...

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My doctor wrote me a not that says I have sex daily

I thnik I mihgt’ve raed it worng

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An old hillbilly has a beautiful young bride.

One day a salesman comes to his door selling rabbits. "That's a mighty fine looking rabbit you have there," says the old man. "How much do you want for it?"

"This one sells for 20 bucks," says the salesman.

"That's mighty expensive for a rabbit," says the hillbilly. "Tell you what, my ...

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Gordon Ramsey is teaching his kids Egyptian history.

Gordon Ramsey : (Holding a picture) Who is this?

Kids : It's Anubis.

Gordon Ramsey : It's fucking Ra !!!!

Which is the funniest Disney movie?

Ra-pun-zel

So I was driving Uber tonight...

So I was driving Uber tonight and I picked up a girl from the dorms at UNCC. She sat in the front and we were chatting when suddenly she sneezed....

Now. I didn't realize it while talking, but she had a glass eye, and when she sneezed her glass eye came flying out at me. I caught it, handed i...

A highschool senior is coming up on his senior prom and really wants the night to go right

Senior Prom is coming up, and Joe really wants to not have any regrets moving forward into adulthood. There's this girl, Sally, that he's been pining over for years, so he girds his loins and asks her to go with him to the event, and lo and behold she says yes.


Now Joe is starstruck, the ...

Making English the language of the EU

The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's govt. conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 yea...

What do you call a Russian dictator with a bad voice?

RasPutin

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Alien Sex

The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stockmarket, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen brings up the subjec...

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The Avengers were on a mission to save the Egyptian god of the sun.

Thanos, with the help of the Reality Stone, turned the god into a baby and usurped his powers. As he was about to kill him, in the nick of time, the Avengers showed up.

Diving forward, Captain America managed to snatch away the baby while Thanos was busy with his monologue. Realizing this, T...

What do you call a superhero who's made out of instant noodles?

Ra-man.

Did you hear that Batman's rival was captured and arrested in Russia?

They've got him locked up in the Ra's al Ghulag.

Whos the funniest disney princess?

raPUNzel

*sits there laughing to self*

...so lonely..

What is Lady Gaga’s favorite Egyptian god?

RA RA OOH LA LA

Just met up with my heroine dealer.

Got three Wonder Womans and a She-Ra.

I hate three kinds of people:

1. Critics
2. People who dont raed their jokes before posting
3. Hypocrites

My favorite blonde joke

2 blondes are walking in the woods. The first blonde looks down and says, 'Wow, deer tracks!' The second blonde looks down and says, 'You idiot! Those are bear tracks.' They start arguing about what kind of tracks they are. After a few minutes they get hit by a train.

A cannibal wanted some sushi

So he bought a pack of ra-men

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One of the fairly ok jokes I know

So there's a radio station contest and you need to ring in with a made up word, the two criterion being: you need to be able to use it in a sentence and it needs to not be in the dictionary.

(RA - radio announcer, C - caller)


RA: Hello? We have our first caller on the line! Please ...

What do you call an egyptian god with a photographic memory?

Cam-Ra

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A raccoon walks into a bar

”One beer, please” the raccoon orders. The bartender is an old stuttering gentleman:

“O-o-ne b-b-eer co-co-ming up pa-pa-nda...”

The raccoon is very annoyed: “Let me just correct that for you right away, I’m actually a raccoon, I am not a panda”

“Y-y-es. O-o-ne be-e-er co-co-mi...

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What do Japanese people say after a Thanksgiving prayer?

Ra'men.

Very slightly based on a true story

When I was in college, our RA was in a frat, Alpha Chi Rho (usually Chi Rho for short.) They had this setup with some various clubs, athletes usually of some sort, because a lot of them majored in physical therapy and/or massage therapy, where they'd have the guys in the frat give therapy sessions.<...

Where do Egyptian's have their morning coffee?

At the nearest "On The Ra"

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What's your name?

A man was at a bar when a beautiful woman walked up to him to say hello. He asks her name to which she says Jane. She asked his name, he said, Ra Ra Ra Ra Ra Fa fa fa fa fa el el el el el el. "Oh, I'm sorry I wasn't aware you had a speech impediment!" she says to him. "Oh my no, I speak just fine. M...

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