A day without you is like a day with sunshine

but I'm a ginger, so, you know, it's cool if you just stay away.

You're like a little ray of sunshine...

Blinding people and giving them cancer.

I call the sunshine cracker company every year at this time and request they sell Cheez-its shrunk to 1/4th their original size.

I request they market them as "Sweet little baby Cheez-its."

It wasn't raining during Trump's inauguration

It was just alternative sunshine

My wife's favorite song is "Ain't No Sunshine" by Bill Withers. She says so every time it's on the radio.

I reply "I know, I know, I know, I know, I know..."

Ive seen this place, filled with hills and green grass, people party and eat and just chill out. They live for hundreds of years in peace. Virtually no crime. sunshine most days, nice families, quaint neighbourhood...

anyone else notice there are no black hobbits in the shire?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Inigo Montoya finally catches up with the six-fingered man

Inigo Montoya finally catches up with the six-fingered man in a monastry in Tibet. He finds him red-robed and shaven-headed sweeping the temple courtyard.

"Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." he says, drawing the six-fingered sword

The six-fingered m...

Three nuns were sitting on a bench in the park, enjoying the sunshine, when a man wearing a trench coat approached them and exposed himself. Two of the nuns had a stroke -

but the third one couldn't reach.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Bob and Doug are at the pub complaining about the harsh Canadian winter.

Bob finally says " Fuck it, let's get out here and fly somehere warm". So off they head to the airport looking for the first flight to anywhere that's sunny. As it happens there's a flight leaving straight away for Brisbane. Australia. They happily hop on looking forward to all that Aussie sunshin...

A woman settles down on the veranda of a restraunt to eat some lunch and enjoy the sunshine with...

Her dog. She scoops the little old dog out of her purse and holds him in her lap while she reads the menu. A man, a few seats away sitting at a table littered with empty beer bottles, turns around, looks and the woman and her dog and scoffs, "THAT is the ugliest thing I have ever seen." The woman fl...

Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman

Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a little stroll in town one afternoon enjoying the sunshine.

As they walked, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world."

"I am entering!" said Snow White.

After half an hour she comes out an...

GOODBYE MOM

This brought a tear to my eye! Hope this touches you the way it touched me!


A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore, she kept staring at him.

She finally overtook him at the checkout, and s...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man is sitting on his porch, enjoying the morning...

When a young boy walks by dragging some Chicken wire.

“Hold on a minute, boy, whatcha doing with that chicken wire?”

“Gonna go catch me some chickens” says the boy.

“Well that’s not the way that works, but you go have fun.” He replies.

A few hours later he sees the boy r...

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A politician dies and winds up standing in front of the pearly gates.

St. Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

"So, you're a politician..."

"Well, yes, is that a problem?"

"Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for people in your line of work, and unfortunately you will have to spend a ...

The last will

Joe was on his deathbed and knew the end was near.
His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons are with him at his home.
He asks for 2 independent witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes.
When all is ready he begins to speak:

"My son Simon, I...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

At the magic Ice cream parlor [nsfw]

This ice cream parlor was famous for creating the exact taste you asked for so a critic went to check it out.

First try, he asks for the taste of the first harvest of grapes of the season. The man behind the counter dissapears for a few minutes and comes back with a cone. And lo and behold, ...

An Irishmen is frantically looking for a car park...

He's running late for his work meeting and is looking for a park in a busy carpark. He looks at the heavens and says
"Father, I know I've been a bad catholic, but please just grant me a bloody car park and I'll do right by You again, I'll be a better man, and more importantly I'll be a better Chr...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Catholic girl is set to marry a man from Greece...

The night before the wedding, the girl’s mother takes her aside and warns her about the reputation Greek men have:

“Now you listen to me, Sunshine- those Greeks like their sex... *a certain way*, if you catch my drift. If he ever tells you to flip over so he can have you another way, I want ...

How did the goth kid break up with his girlfriend?

He sang her You Are My Sunshine.

A prison guard gives Bill Cosby and opportunity...

After several brutal years in prison, Bill Cosby is approached by a prison guard who presents him with what seems like a great opportunity.

"Bill," he says, "you've demonstrated good behavior in here for the past couple years despite all the harassment from the other inmates. I know it must n...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

It was a wonderful morning and Trump stepped out ..

Of the White House to feel the warm sunshine on his face. He noticed something written on the wall and moved closer. There it was, someone had pissed the words, "Trump Sucks" on the garden wall. Furious, Trump called up the CIA, NSA, EPA, the DC police and demanded that the culprit be found and brou...

Two Priests decided to go to Greece on vacation

They were determined to make this a real vacation
by not wearing anything that would identify them as Priests.

As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store
and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

The next morning they went to the beach...

I've invented a solar-powered still!

It turns sunshine into moonshine.

Credit: Quirk.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman has three applicants for one job ...

After exhaustive testing, interviewing and HR profiling they are still in a dead heat.

Finally she decides to go with what Easter means to each one. Just a random question that may give her insight to offer one of them the job.

The first applicant, scratches his head and says "that's...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two bananas laying by a river

Two bananas were laying by a river, enjoying the sunshine. Along comes a piece of poop floating by, and it yells out to the bananas, "you guys should get in, the water feels fantastic!".

One banana looks at the other and says, "You believe that shit?!".

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man with many talents..

An American is backpacking through Scotland and finds a nice pub to enjoy a pint. Upon entering, the stranger finds only two men in the pub, a bartender and an older man nursing his drink. The backpacker takes a seat, orders a pint and begins to drink. After some time has passed, the only other cust...

a flea goes into a travel agency...

a flea goes into a travel agency and says, “oh i’ve been working so hard for the last few years, i really need a holiday.”

travel agent asks, “what kinda holiday were you in the market for?”

flea says, “i want to go somewhere bright and sunny, somewhere that i can just relax and enjoy ...