UPJOKE
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A man was sun bathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates.

A women walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift
your hat."

He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly, it would lift
itself."

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I've been taking Viagra for my sunburn.

It doesn't cure it but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night.

What does a ghost use on a hot Summer day to not get sunburn

Sunscream

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New Treatment For Sunburn!

A guy visiting over here in Puerto Rico fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got a horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs. He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns. With his skin already starting to blister, and the sever...

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I found a drug that helps me sleep when I have a sunburn

It’s called viagra. It doesn’t help with the burn, but it keeps the sheets off my legs

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I've started using Viagra to treat my sunburn.

It doesn't do anything for the burns, but it does a good job of keeping the sheets off my legs.

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A man sunbathes nude and gets a sunburn on his penis

He goes to the doctor and asks him what to do.

His doctor says that he should put it in a saucer of milk for an hour a day for a week to help.

That night he decides to try it.

His wife comes home and sees him with his dick in some milk and says “oh I’ve always wondered how you r...

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Once I got so sunburned

Once I got so sunburned I went to the ER and they gave me aspirin and Viagra. The aspirin to reduce my fever and the Viagra to help keep the sheets off my legs.

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A man goes to the doctor with severe sunburn

He’s asks the doctor, “Is theirs anything you can do to help relieve the pain as it is so bad I can barely sleep at night.”
The doctor prescribes the man a weeks supply of viagra.
“How will this ease the pain of my sunburn?!” The man asks before the doctor replies “It won’t but it will keep th...

Did you hear Adele got a really bad sunburn?

She details the experience in her new song, "Aloe From the Other Side"

I told my roommate he should date girls that sunburn easily...

He might find them more a peeling

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I've been unable to sleep due to severely sunburned legs. I went to the doctor and he prescribed Viagra.

Me: "Wow, I didn't know Viagra helps for sunburn."

Doc: "It doesn't, but it will help keep the bedding off your legs."

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I just created a web site for English girls who got a sunburn at the nude beach.

It's called Redtit.

What do you call a pig that’s sunburned

Rare

I got really bad sunburn after falling asleep on my stomach at the beach...

I wanted emergency medical attention but 911 never returned my call. I guess they put it on the back burner.

The letters in the English alphabet go to the beach (don't ask me why). Every letter gets sunburned except W, X, Y and Z. Why?

They had UV protection in front.

What do you call a sunburned librarian?

Well red.

A watched pot never boils

but a redhead will sunburn regardless of witnesses

I was playing outside all day with my daughter and when we got home, we noticed that I was completely sunburn!

She asked me, "Daddy, why didn't I get sunburn?"

I guffawed, "You can't, honey!"

She looked at me quizzically, "Really?"

I smiled, "You can only get daughterburn!"

Why did the Republican get a sunburn?

Because the sunscreen instructed to apply liberally and he was unwilling to compromise.

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A man is sunbathing on a nude beach

To prevent a sunburn, he covers his most important organ with a hat.

A woman passes by and notices the hat.

She says, "Sir, a real gentleman always lifts his hat in front of a lady."

The man replies, "Ma'am if you were a real lady, the hat would've lifted itself."

How do you treat a sunburn in Hawaii?

With Aloe-ha Vera!

I got really badly sunburned yesterday, and was in agony this morning. My mother advised using tomato juice to ease the pain. I was very skeptical at first but she was right...

... I'm now on my seventh bloody mary and I can barely feel a thing.

A Cowboy is riding his horse on his first trip to cowtown when he reaches a fork in the road...

At the fork, there is a sign which reads "Reddit go right, cowtown go left." The cowboy, confused and having never heard of Reddit, decides to give in to his curiosity and go right.

After riding for a mile or so on the path, he reaches another fork. This sign reads "Reddit go right, cowtown ...

I got a sunburn on the beach yesterday whilst reading about trigonometry.

...you should see my tan lines today

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A man decided to sunbathe on the beach.

He took all of his clothes off, except that he covered his private parts with a hat to prevent a sunburn. As he's sunbathing, a woman walks past him. She looks at the man and snidely remarks:

"A true gentleman would always tip his hat for a lady."

To which the man replies:

"Ma'a...

How can you identify a French Infantryman?

Sunburned armpits.

The longest joke in the world

From: http://longestjokeintheworld.com/

So, there's a man crawling through the desert.

He'd decided to try his SUV in a little bit of cross-country travel, had great fun zooming over the badlands and through the sand, got lost, hit a big rock, and then he couldn't get it started again....

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A guy was getting ready for a dinner-date with a stunning blonde.

He looked at the mirror and thought: "I should get some color! I know a safe place to get a tan on my roof."


It was blazing hot that day; he went to the roof, undressed, and decided to tan for 30 minutes.


Unfortunately, he fell asleep; and when he woke up, he was badly burned ...

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So a guy is sunbathing nude......

as he has a very hot date later in the evening. He over sleeps and gets a terrible sunburn on his front side. He applies all of the lotion he can and heads off to the date. The couple has a great dinner and they head back to his place. The two are making out pretty heavy and she is grinding on his b...

Why do gingers get sunburned so easily?

It's nature's way of telling us to lock them indoors

What is black white and red all over?

A sunburned penguin

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I got really badly sunburnt yesterday so i took some viagra...

...it didnt help the sunburn any but it kept the sheets off me.

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Why don't bats sleep outside?

You ever deal with a sunburned asshole?

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