I paid a guy to steal all of Rudy Giuliani's Milky Ways...

I got him disbarred.

When space travel is affordable I will leave the Milky Way galaxy and move to the Soy Milky Way.

You could say that I'm galactose intolerant.

"Can you fit any more Milky Way Chocolate Bars into your desk drawer there, Jim?"

"Nope, all outer space."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Went camping last weekend and woke up at three in the morning to the most amazing site of the milky way galaxy.

Where the fuck is my tent?
Sight,fuck

I read that the Large Magellanic Cloud is going to collide with the Milky Way in 2 billion years.

Maybe the government shutdown will be over by then.

The Milky Way experienced a cosmic fender-bender with a dwarf galaxy 500 million years ago.

It was the ultimate slow-down of ultimate density.

What do a bag of Lay's potato chips and the Milky Way have in common?

They're both mostly empty space.

Why couldn't the boy look at the Milky Way?

He was galactose intolerant.

What do you call a road in India?

The Milky Way.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The man and the horse couldn’t agree on what to name the new planet

Despite hours of brainstorms and workshops, the man and the horse couldn’t agree on what to name the new planet.

“New Terra is the sensible choice”, said the man, exasperated.

“Don’t give me that more-evolved-than-thou horse-shit”, said the horse, “why don’t you let a non-dominant life...

There’s a new machine at my gym. Used it for an hour and felt sick.

It’s really good though, does everything! Kit Kats, Snickers, Milky Ways. The lot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Birth of a Candy Bar! rated XXX and NSFW

One PAYDAY, MR. PEANUT wanted a BIT o' HONEY, so he took MARY JANE back behind the POWERHOUSE on the corner of CLARK and FIFTH AVE. He began to feel her MOUNDS. That was pure ALMOND JOY!! It made his TOOTSIE ROLL. He let out some SNICKERS as his BUTTERFINGER went up her JUICY FRUIT and caused a MILK...

Why are nipple pasties often in the shape of stars?

To make the milky way.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Rabbi goes to church to visit a friend who is a priest...(long)

He is waiting around for the priest, just hanging out by the pews, when a young woman comes into the church, and goes into the confessional.

The Rabbi thinks to himself that he dose not want to wait around longer for the the priest, and taking confessions can't be that difficult, so he slip...

Alone Guys and Girls

The known universe is made up of 50,000,000,000 galaxies. There are between 100,000,000,000 and 1,000,000,000,000 stars in a normal galaxy. In the Milky Way alone there might be as many 100 billion Earth-like planets. Still think you’re alone?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Took a friend and his dog to the vet today.

There was a woman inside with a dog named Snickers.


I told her after she gets him fixed she can call him Milky Way.

No nuts.

She laughed her ass off as did the vet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Holmes and Watson go out camping.

Sherlock Holmes and his good friend Dr. Watson decide to make a trip to the countryside and go camping.

In the middle of the night, Sherlock wakes up Watson and asks him:

"John, look up at the sky. What do you see?"

Watson, still sleepy, slowly arranges his thoughts:
"The... ...

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