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Radiation Jokes

What's does nuclear radiation specialist have for dinner?

Fission chips!
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If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation

You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer"
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Which fast food produces the most radiation?

>!Fission chips. !<
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What do you call an optimistic person with radiation poisoning?

Toxic Positivity.
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Today a friend of mine died of radiation

Guess he couldn’t handle the neutron style
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What did the Ukrainian Scientist receive after discovering the dangers of radiation?

A Chernobel Prize.
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Solar radiation has turned the American flags on the moon pure white...

...so now it looks like France landed there.
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TIL the american flag planted on the moon is now completely white due to radiation from the sun.

Great, now future archeologists are gonna think the French got there first.
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What did the photochemist say to the radiation physicist?

Can you shed some light on this matter?
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Why is reading research on electromagnetic radiation so easy?

Because it’s a pretty light subject.
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Why doesn't Bruce Banners pants rip when he transforms into the Hulk?

Because the radiation altered his jeans
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Babe, you can call me Solar Radiation.

Because I'm about to get caught up in your ozone.
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What do you call quantums of electromagnetic radiation that don't get along?

Foe-tons
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Why are hippy drum circles like high frequency radiation?

They both cause the formation of free radicals.
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If four out of five people suffer from radiation poisoning...

Does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?
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What’s the difference between light and dark soy sauce?

I asked Alexa, what’s the difference between light and dark soy sauce?

Dark soy sauce is used in Chinese cooking to add colour and flavour to dishes. Light is an electromagnetic radiation within a certain portion of the electro magnetic spectrum.

Thanks Alexa - you’re not technically w...
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Why can't the navy participate in the Space Force?

Gamma radiation kills seamen.

Did you hear about that theoretical physicist who went insane studying cosmic background radiation?

He said he couldn't tell where reality ended... and the paranoid delusions began!
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Jedi Master finally named after being found dead from radiation poisoning in Ukraine

Obi Wan Chernobi
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Did u know that al the flags on the moon have been bleached white due to radiation?

This makes the moon an official province of France
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My friend passed away the other day.

He will be missed. He would light up the room whenever he entered. Come to think of it, this should've been when we noticed the radiation poisoning.
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Steve Rogers: Bruce, aren't you worried about getting cancer from the Hulk's radiation?

Bruce Banner: That's my secret, Cap. *pulls out a horoscope* I'm already a Cancer.

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PS: I know, Bruce Banner is actually a Sagittarius. Don't @ me, bro.

"The Russians wouldn't lie about radiation levels, would they?"

"Sure, no bull."
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What is the best college to apply to learn about solar radiation?

U.V. Ray
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A guy walks into a bar wearing a head to toe radiation suit

The bartender says “I’ve heard of clothing that protects you from the elements, but this is outrageous”
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You know what’s hotter than smoking?

The radiation that follows it
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The Devil sat at the gates of hell... (Story Joke)

An old man suddenly arrived in a burst of flames, looking confused and lost. The Devil looked at his paperwork, and frowned. He was unable to find this old man’s data file.

“This can’t be right,” the old man grumbled, looking at the Devil, “I’ve been a good man my whole life.”

The Dev...
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Shortly after the Chernobyl incident...

...China, America, and Germany came too help with their state of the art cleanup robots, and sent them out to show them off to each other.

The Chinese robot broke down even before it could reach the cleanup site.

The Americans cheered as their robot performed its task in the highly i...
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Your momma's so fat

She gives off Hawking radiation
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Three men are captured by a group of Cannibals.

The men are tied up and brought before leader of the cannibals. The leader says to the men "My people are hungry, but I will let you make your case. Then I will decide your fate."

The first man, hair slicked back and dressed in an expensive suit, begins, "I am very wealthy, and I have founded...

How does a small person say goodbye as he is dying from radiation exposure?

He microwaves.
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I just adopted a cat with twelve nipples. It’s apparently a common birth defect, but I prefer to think he was exposed to radiation in the womb.

That makes more sense, dozen tit?
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11 Reasons To Go To Work Naked

1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"
2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
3. Inventive way to finally meet that hunk in Human Resources.
4. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."
5. To stop tho...

TIL grizzly bears are not harmed by microwave radiation.

In fact, they are one among several species of non-polar bear!
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I noticed a nuclear fusion reactor the other day in my backyard.

While in my backyard the other day, I noticed a large gravitationally confined plasma thermo-nuclear fusion reactor. Being an engineer, I saw that it was radiating huge amounts of energy at very high velocity in the form of incredibly high frequency transversely polarized Maxwellian electromagnetic ...
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What is the difference between reality and fantasy?

In fantasy, if you're exposed to radiation, you become spider-man. In reality if your exposed to radiation, you get visited by spider-man
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What do you call the fallout from an Israeli nuke?

Zionizing radiation.
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What do you call an insect that gets exposed to radiation but nothing of consequence happens to it?

A moot ant
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A band visited the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone without a guide.

Everyone suffered from radiation poisoning, except the lead guitarist.
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Why do some conspiracy weirdos wear tin foil hats with four holes in it?

To make sure 5G radiation can't get through.
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I was getting my hair cut the other day...

...and the girl cutting my hair mentioned she had a degree in cosmology. So I asked her whether she thought the cosmic background radiation was the best evidence for the big bang. She said big bangs would not look good on me, and that's the moment when I noticed the diploma on the wall that said "...
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A sciencey joke for y'all.

An American nuclear engineer is talking with a Japanese nuclear engineer about a new material they're planning on using for gamma radiation shielding. The Japanese engineer asks if he can see it in action, so the American takes a piece of iron about 3 inches thick and puts in front of a gamma source...

Two scientist were exploring Chernobyl years after the incident.

They were shocked to find a man still living in the area seemingly unaffected by the radiation. They ask the man if he would return with them to conduct some tests to which he agreed.

They explained that as the man was probably highly irradiated, he would have to put on some protective clothi...
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There are six American flags on the Moon.

Five of them are still standing. Due to the strong UV radiation, they are all completely white by now.

So it looks like the French landed there.
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Greatest Insult To Hicks / West Virginians

You're so imbred your family tree looks like a Ferris Wheel!

Thought about this watching the Fallout 76 trailer, and then realizing that radiation isn't even needed to create mutants there.

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A guy was recruited for the first settlement on another planet....

The Settlement Chief met him on the landing site.

"This place is going to take some getting used to. It's like a mirror version of Earth. The elements which are rare on Earth are the most abundant here while the common elements are extremely rare."

"So why are we here then," the guy a...

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Dating techniques

One afternoon, Schmitt met up with his ex-colleague for a cup of tea. Schmitt had been single since the day he was born, so it was to his frustration when his previous lab partner, Martin, was no longer single. After another subtle round of boasting (or so Schmitt thought), Schmitt decided to ask f...

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My Father Was An Inventor

When I was a kid he would invent the most amazing things, and I was fascinated with every thing he invented. He would start a new project at the beginning of every month, and it would always be done at the end of the month, and I would always be the first to see his new invention.

One year th...

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