UPJOKE
photosphereplasmacoronagraphchromospheresolar prominencesolar windsuncrownkelvinmagnetic fluxtraceaureolesolar cyclesolar flaresunspot

Corona Jokes

Corona must have hit India hard...

I´ve not recieved a single phone call this week from
Microsoft to warn me about a virus on my computer.

I’m gonna tell you a joke about corona virus...

You have to wait 2 weeks to see if you get it!

All countries will get the corona virus eventually...

China just got it right off the bat...

Three men walk into a bar. One works for Budweiser, one works for Corona, and one works for Guinness.

"What would you like?" the bartender asks the Budweiser worker.

"I'll have a Budweiser," says the Budweiser worker.

"And you?" the bartender asks the Corona worker.

"I'll have a Corona," responds the Corona worker.

"Let me guess," the bartender says to the Guinness worker...

I tried to make a corona virus joke last year.

Nobody laughed at the time, but eventually everyone got it.

A girl I’m hitting on just caught the Corona virus

I might have a chance now, as she’s lost all her taste...

The 12 Days of Corona

In the year 2020, the pandemic gave to me:
12 Cancelled Plans
11 Face Masks
10 Sanitizers
9 Murder Hornets
8 Zoom Calls
7 Mental Breakdowns
6 Feet Apart
5 Curbside Pickups
4 Quarantines
3 Travel Restrictions
2 Karens Complaining
And a massive shortage of Grocery S...

America seems to have successfully prevented a second wave of corona

By keeping the first one going

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

US President Donald Trump tested and was not infected by the Corona virus. Experts from the Robert Koch Institute are not surprised.

The virus has been shown to affect lungs, not assholes.

I recently bought my pet duck a mask, to protect it from corona virus...

It’s nothing flashy, but it fits the bill

I wish Corona could have started in Las Vegas...

Because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas

Anti-vaxxer: "This corona hoax is getting old."

Me: "You aren't."

The spread of Corona Virus is based on 2 factors:

1. How dense the population is.

2. How dense the population is.

Speaking of Corona..

Why hasn't anyone in Antarctica died of Corona yet?

Because they are ICEolated.

Chuck Norris Caught CoronaVirus

The CoronaVirus is now hospitalized on ventilator support.

Boss: "You called in sick yesterday and said you had the Coronavirus. You can't be here until you get tested"

Me: "I said I had a case of Corona and I wasn't coming in to work. I never said anything about a virus"

This corona virus is a lot like my girlfriend....

It came for everyone else but me.

I’ve a joke on corona

But its already viral

Corona isn't Trump's fault. Ebola wasn't Obama's. SARS wasn't Bush's...

...and only a handful of cases of herpes was Clinton's.

Corona Beer sales falter amid Corona virus crisis

Guess their viral marketing strategy failed.

It’s confirmed . Fresh cow dung can stop corona

Dip both your hands in fresh cow dung before going out.

This will make sure that

a) you will not touch your eyes, nose, ear or mouth.

b) nobody will shake hands with you.

c) Nobody will come near you when you are out in the streets.

d) You will wash your hands thor...

This Corona virus is a blessing

My wife doesn't want to travel anywhere.

She no longer buys anything online, since everything comes from China.

she doesn't go to the mall to avoid the crowds.

she spends all of her time in a mask with her mouth closed.

Best thing that has ever happened in my life.

Who declared Corona as a pandemic??

This is the first time in

english literature question

and answer both are same

Q:Who declared Corona

as a pandemic?

A: WHO declared Corona

as a pandemic.

What goes well with Corona Virus?

Lime Disease.

Everywhere I look on the internet, all I see is Corona, Corona, corona

This thing has gone viral.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

With the recent spike in sex toy purchases because of corona virus, I can only draw one conclusion.

The virus is literally making us go fuck ourselves.

We switched from corona virus to the Third World War..

..which idiot changed from zombie mode to multiplayer?

Lice are immune to corona

makes scientists all over the world scratch their head

Another preventable Corona virus death

Wife: Did I get fat during the quarantine?
Husband: You were never really skinny.

Time of Death: May 3,2020 9:51pm
Cause of Death: Corona virus

I gave the woman next door the Corona virus The husband was fuming, and I feel morally guilty

it goes against what I've been taught.

Thou shall no COVID the neighbors wife..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between butter and the corona virus?

Corona actually spreads

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Corona Virus is like my virginity

My uncle has it.

(I know its not that funny but its 12:53 and it just popped into my head.)

Corona Extra

Sounds like a spoiler for 2021

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A very rich, yet stingy businessman had symptoms of corona...

He decided to get himself tested and went to the clinic.

After he returned from the clinic he saw few calls from his business partner. So he called him back.

His business partner picked up. he sounded worried, "Hey I've been trying to reach you! You didn't pick up so I called your home...

What do guns and corona virus have in common

They were both created in China now every American has one

President Joe Biden announced that he would give a free bottle of Bud Light to anyone who got a vaccine.

Not to be outdone, the next day, the President Obrador of Mexico announced that he would give a bottle of Corona to anyone who got a vaccine.

The day after, the President Higgins of Ireland announced that he'd be giving out free bottles of water.

Biden and Obrador were confused and gav...

Corona virus is much like pasta

Invented by the Chinese.

Spread by the Italians.

A man calls his doctor because he suspects he has Corona

They discuss his symptoms and conclude that he indeed has the disease.

Doctor: you will need to start the 3P diet.

Man: the 3P diet? What's that?

Doctor: pizza, pancakes, and panini

Man: but doctor, why?

Doctor: because they fit under the door

Eminem is the first celebrity to be diagnosed with the corona virus

In a statement he said his palms were sweaty knees weak arms were heavy and presented to the emergency room the vomit on his sweater already .Later tests conclude it was in fact moms spaghetti

Corona Virus defeated

Breaking news from China :” No death cases of corona virus reported in China for 3 days and only 5 new infections, all communist part officials”

In totally unrelated news ;” a surge in suicides in China reported , all victims killed them self withe 2 bullets to the back of the head and hav...

No Corona

Mike had just met Susie.

They went for a dinner and a movie, ending up in his pad.

She had just returned from China. She was jet lagged from the flight, with a mild cough.
The night was fun though.

He met her friend Mary the next weekend.

Mary: Hear about Susie?
...

Corona virus update..

My house has never been so clean

I made a Corona virus joke the other day

People said it was tasteless.

Before Corona Virus

I used to cough to cover a fart, now I fart to cover a cough

I’m starting to think Corona Virus is a girlfriend

It explains how I’ve come in close contact three times, but never got it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Corona Virus

Apparently the first member of this group has sadly died because of the coronavirus.

In their house they found 500 cans of assorted food, 100kg of pasta, 75kg of rice, 200 toilet rolls and 30L of hand sanitiser which he had panic bought from Tesco “just in case!”

The whole lot coll...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Corona Virus and sex?

Most Redditors lack the social skills to get both.

If you think that Corona beer causes Coronavirus then...

You probably think that the leader of the World Health Organization is Dr Who.

Dad jokes are like Corona

Evererybody gets It but not everyone can laugh about It.

What idiot called it "The Corona Virus"

When they missed a oppertunity to call it "The Kung Flu"

So I think I have the corona virus.

One of the symptoms is a loss of taste, and for a brief moment I thought Justin Bieber was talented.

How do we know the corona virus wasn't made in China?

Because we've had it for almost a year now and it's still working

How do you know if a penguin has corona?

It has to ice-olate

I'm quite worried about the corona virus...

It's got potential tequila lot of people.

With Corona Virus spreading, I never thought our deaths will also be..

“Made in China”

During the corona virus lockdown I've lost 95kgs

I'm ganna miss the wife and kids

I wanted to kiss my wife, but with this whole Corona thing,

instead I just elbowed her in the face.

What goes with the Coronavirus?

Lyme Disease

Edit : Thanks For All The Awards!

The Corona virus meets the Ebola virus. They start dating. One thing leads to another and the Corona virus bangs the Ebola virus.

Nine months later the Corolla virus is born.

How did Michael Jackson get corona?

He was only wearing one glove.

The motto at times with Corona

Do NOT surround yourself with positive people.

staying home because of Corona

When this lockdown will finally be over, the first thing I need to do is to relax at home for a few days.

A perfect cure for corona:

Tell corona that you are serious, you love it and that you want to spend the rest of your life with corona. You will not hear from corona ever again.

What happened when Corona went public?

It went Viral

My mom's sister doesn't get Corona.

She has an auntie body.

The world health organization declared that dogs cannot contract the Corona virus.

All dogs held in quarantine have been released. So to clarify.... WHO let the dogs out.

Corona didn’t need an ad in the Super Bowl for their beer.

It’s already gone viral.

Due to the corona virus...

The 5 second rule has now been reduced to the 3 second rule.

I have a joke on Corona vaccine.

But it is still in testing.

Corona Virus has spread to species of birds

It now infects bat man and robin

THIS CORONA QUARANTINE HAS GIVEN MY WIFE ALZHEIMERS!!

She doesn't remember what she ever saw in me.

Scotland know the right way to deal with corona virus...

They’ve gone into full loch down.

A man walks into a bar and orders a Corona and two hurricanes...

The bartender says that'll be $20.20

What movie perfectly describes the corona virus?

No country for old men

Prince Charles contracts Corona Virus

All part of the coronation process

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Corona virus and sex NSFW

This coronavirus is really hurting my sex life. My foreplay game just isn’t the same since I can only use my elbows.

The Corona crises in the US is..

unpresidented

pfff CoronaVirus is nothing

I remember back in the day getting OldMilwaukeeVirus every weekend and actually needing 2 rolls of toilet paper every morning, and I never panicked

How to avoid the corona-virus

Eat garlic. Lots of garlic.

It won't do anything against the virus, but it will keep other people away.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the unsexiest thing about corona pandemic?

Everyone is in for flattening the curves

Please stop with all the corona jokes.

I‘m sick of it.

I think I have the Corona virus....

Or maybe it’s Dos Equis because it feels 2X as bad.

You've got to hand it to Corona

They really know how to do a viral marketing campaign

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Reason for Corona toilet roll hoarding solved

One person sneezes and ten people shit themselves.

What's the best thing about corona memes?

They always go viral

The worst thing about the Corona Virus:

I have to start washing my hands again.

How is Snoop Dogg combating the corona virus?

Bleeaoch!

If Corona virus is just a beer virus..

Then it’s just a yeast infection!

Got a bad case of corona

bottom fell out and every one shattered

Did you hear about Coronas new marketing campaign?

Apparently it's gone viral in China.

I'm not scared of the corona virus.

Since it's made in China, I don't expect it to be working for much longer. Looks good first, but falls apart after the first use.

Corona came out with a new beer

It's some kind of Asian ale

First Rule of Corona Flu self-isolation

If you can't reach it from the couch

You don't need it.

Abbot and Costello meet the Corona Virus

The World Health Organization says Corona is officially a pandemic.

Who says that?

Yes. 

Who said it's a pandemic?

That's right! They also said don't touch anyone.

Who? 

Anyone! 

I'm asking, WHO said don't touch anyone? 

Absolutely. And...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grief counselor. Just died of the corona.

Luckily he was so good I don't give a shit.

Corona virus has reached the Arab peninsula

Time for a Qurantine

Redditors will save the world from the corona pandemic.

They are experts in applied social distancing.

I know a secret about Corona Virus,

but I'm afraid you might spread it.

What happened when the Corona virus reached Neverland?

It started a Peter Pandemic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Anagram lovers are more likely to get corona if

* exposed to a corona infected person
* they have weak immune system
* asked to spell racoon

I’m surprised the Corona virus started in China

I thought it would have started in Mexico.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.