UPJOKE
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r/Jokes Has 19 Million subscribers!

It's amazing what 7 jokes can do

If you have a child, you can name them “one million subscribers on YouTube”

Then you can tell people you hit one million subscribers on YouTube

We have passed 10 million subscribers. Thank you very much for joining us.

Sincerely Coronavirus

It's 2023, and I still tell my subscribers on YouTube to wear a mask.

Because who knows? My video could go viral.

Let's discuss spam, spammers, and the spamming spammers who spam.

What did the moderator say to the subscribers?

Nobody knows, because nobody ever reads what moderators write.

------

Yes, it was a bad joke, but at least it wasn't a repost... which is *kind of* what we're here to discuss today:

As many of you are no doubt aware, spammers...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A redditor is searching for the funniest joke of all time, so he subscribes to r/jokes.

After a short while, and a few small chuckles, he realises he's reading the same shit over and over again, post after post.

"I'm never going to find a real joke", he thinks.

He sighs and tilts his head in dismay. Looking down he starts to read the thread and it hits him...

I told my friend to subscribe to r/jokes.

He said, “But the jokes are garbage.”

I said, “They aren’t garbage, they’re recycled!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the Redditor subscribe to r/poop and r/jokes? NSFW

For shits and giggles.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rural farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady.

He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.

Climbing do...

What music do you hear when an Only fans subscriber cracks a joke?

A symphony

Why is the Loch Ness Monster subscribed to r/gonewild?

For the free-tiddy.

What did the vertigo afflicted YouTuber say to his subscribers?

Hey, what's up guys!?

What does a werewolf YouTuber say at the end of his videos?

Don't forget to lycan subscribe!

An r/Jokes subscriber was fencing...

His opponent was confused because he was fully on the offensive and made not even one defensive move.

After the game, the opponent asked him about his unorthodox technique.

He replied, "Oh yeah, I only know how to riposte."

Anyone who subscribes to r/Jokes should be tested for Coronavirus

One of the symptoms of the disease is having no taste.

I love how all these young YouTubers are getting into Classic Rock.

They are always telling everyone “Don’t forget to like Cher, and subscribe.”

I met a guy who was a r/jokes subscriber.

Funnily enough he remembers all the jokes he ever heard.

So I asked him, "How can you remember all the freakin' jokes?"

He replied, "Its hard to forget when you are reminded every minute."

I recently subscribed to Asian Maritime History Monthly...

but haven't received a single issue. Then I remembered I had "No junk mail" on my door.


This is the worst, super specific pun I've come up with so far.

r/jokes has over 18 million subscribers

And I’m still amazed at how much attention 12 jokes can bring

Hello, Im here to subscribe to the gym

+Hello, I'm here to subscribe to the gym
-Are you here because of a New Year Resolution?
+Yes
-We have a one day plan, it includes 4 selfies in the weight lifting area
+Perfect

Even with 4 million subscribers, /r/jokes sounds like a big empty hall.

I can hear jokes echoing again and again.

I finally found an active Hillary Clinton sub with a lot of subscribers!

/r/politics

My friend recently subscribed to HBO and asked me if I could help him with the name of the disaster TV show he had been hearing everyone talk about at work.

Apparently, it's not Game of Thrones S8.

I recently subscribed to a "Spice of the Month" club

The thyme has come today...

Subscribe (Verb) - to obtain or have a subscription to a publication, concert series, service, etc.

Subscribe (Noun) - a very obedient writer

r/Jokes subscribers decide to make a meal. What is the main ingredient?

Copypasta.

Is the subscribed to r/jokes number a joke?

I laughed but still. I find it unlikely that a quarter billion people subscribed to r/jokes

Do you know a pirates favorite letter?

Of course you do, you are subscribed to r/Jokes.

I accidentally subscribed to the "married man" edition of Playboy.

It's got the same centerfold every month.

I installed a wind turbine in my yard if you want pics..

Subscribe to my onlyfans site

“According to a new report, Netflix is losing subscribers and 130,000 people have stopped watching.

It all happened after one guy changed his password.”

.

- Credit: Jimmy Fallon on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon (a rare actually good joke by Fallon I heard while my mom was watching)

/r/Jokes hits 2 Million subscribers

**/r/Jokes metrics:**

Total Subscribers: 2,006,077

Subreddit Rank: 35

Subreddit Growth & Milestones: http://redditmetrics.com/r/Jokes

You know why fencers subscribe to /r/Jokes?

Because they always appreciate a riposte.

I subscribed to a weekly email about the latest watches...

I now know that’s I’m on somekind of watch list

I subscribed to a great new magazine the other day.

There's just one issue.

How many r/conspiracy subscribers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they've all been illuminated.

Today I found a Youtube channel about moss

They told me to lichen subscribe

It's 2098, and a man is on r/Jokes.

The number of subscribed accounts has grown into the billions, but to the man's shock, the top-upvoted post of the day is simply the number "72,423".

When he goes into the comments section and asks what it is, he is promptly told that every joke has been told so many times, they've assigned n...

I saw a little boy at the bus stop eating a giant chocolate Easter bunny. I said, "Hey kid, eating that much chocolate at one time is bad for you." He looked me in the eye and said, "Well, my grandpa lived to 103."

"Oh, really? Did *he* eat a lot of chocolate?"

"No, he minded his own damn business."

**Edit:** Credit where due -- [/u/samvet21 informs me](/r/Jokes/comments/8cnjvk/i_saw_a_little_boy_at_the_bus_stop_eating_a_giant/dxhf9ku/) that the original joke was by Philadelphia comedian [Todd Gl...

Subscriptions

Steve and Cliff are having this talk. Steve says, "My wife lets me subscribe to National Geographic and Playboy for the same reason." Cliff says, "Why?"

Steve says, "Because with both magazines, I get to see places I'll never get to visit."

I made a video about the symbiotic relationships between fungus and algae

Don't forget to lichen subscribe!

Why haven't any subscribers to r/TheRedPill played Overwatch yet?

They don't play the beta.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Things not to say after sex:

– You are better than your sister.

– When do I put the condom on?

– There’s money on the counter.

– Alright who’s gonna help me rebury this?

– Do you have aids ? I don’t want to get it again.

– Yeah, definitely gay.

– It was better when you were sleeping....

Three months have passed

Since I have subscribed to the gym membership and I didn't lose a single pound. I might have to go there in person to see what's happening.

Why can't you tell a Knock Knock joke to a Youtuber?

Cause he'll ask you to subscribe to the bell icon!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Are you TIRED of ads?

Now is your chance! Get 2% off till December 23 and buy the ultimate "no-ads-ever-again" gift for family or yourself (only $9.99 instead of $10.09)! Check out our store and be sure to subscribe to our quarter-hourly e-mail newsletter (newsletters include, but are not limited to, ads, advertisements,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Quarrantine Day 7: Research continues on the effect of excessive masturbation on eyesight.

Dont forget to press the "subscribe" button to see my next video!

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear Subscriber,

We are cutting off your Internet service due to illegal downloading.

No matter what you guys say, I’m not unsubscribing from James Charles

That entails having to subscribe to him in the first place

How many youtubers does it take to change a light bulb?

first hit like and subscribe in the upper corner.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I know I’m not a sexy guy...

I mean I’ve only got one subscriber on OnlyFans and that’s because my mom insists on supporting me in all my endeavors.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A new weight loss program

A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious Health risks. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, heran across an ad in the newspaper for a GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM. "Guaranteed. Yeah right!" he thought to himself.
But desperate, he calls them up and subs...

Tired of all the reposts, the admin team decided to number the jokes. So, if anyone wanted to repost, they'd just post the number and take their karma.

A new subscriber comes and watches this, unable to understand. He sees a post with just the number 3771, having 2.1k upvotes. He gets very confused.
So, he decides to make a post of himself. He posts 92075, and he gets 45.6k upvotes. He is intrigued, so much that he messages the mod team and ask...

One freind is telling the other a joke

"There are to people on a boat pete and repeat, pete falls of whose still on the boat?"

"repeat"

"There are to people on a boat pete and repeat, pete falls of whose still on the boat?"

"repeat"

"There are to people on a boat pete and repeat, pete falls of whose still on t...

My very popular son keeps getting hit at school.

I told my wife we shouldn't have named him Subscribe.

I made a YouTube video about the violence I endured as a writer on board a U-boat

Just hit subscribe.

What’s all the fuss about Twitch streaming?

Like, comment, subscribe and I’ll tell you

2016 New Year Scratchcard

2015 is going to end soon! As an appreciation of your support to [/r/Jokes](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/), every subscriber here can get one of the reward below:

* Grand Prize: iPhone 6s Plus 128G
* Second Prize: Samsung Galaxy Note 5
* Third Prize: Nintendo 3DS
* Consolation Priz...

A postman delivers the same things every day.

A postman delivers the same things every day. The man who owns the house walks out and talks to the postman one day.

Man: Why do you deliver the same items everyday?

Postman: because you subscribed to r/jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The 3 Construction Workers (really old joke, but one of my favorites when I was little)

(Sorry if this has been posted before, I only subscribed recently and haven't seen this one yet)

There are three construction workers: Joe, Bob, and Frank. One day they are sitting on an I-beam high above their construction site. It is lunch hour and the three have their lunchboxes, ready to ...

Too Much Information

"Hello! Is this Gordon's Pizza?"

"No sir, it's Google's Pizza."

"Did I dial the wrong number?

"No sir, Google bought the pizza store."

"Oh, alright then. I’d like to place an order please."

"Okay sir, do you want the usual?"

"The usual? You know what my usua...

A rather bad man dies and meets Satan...

A rather bad man dies and meets Satan in a room with three doors. Satan explains, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that you have to spend eternity behind one of these doors. But, the good news is that you can take a peek behind each and take your choice."
So, the man opened the fir...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jake Paul finds a magic lamp and rubs it.

Jake Paul finds a magic lamp and rubs it. He finds Will Smith the genie in there. The genie says
"I will grant you three wishes, but be careful! Whatever you wish for, your brother Logan gets 37 times more than you do. What is your first wish?"

Jake, thinking about this for a lot, makes ...

I'm confused

Guys this isn't really a joke... but why is the count of redditors subscribed to /r/jokes way over the number of users on reddit? like 67 million? and please don't downvote me.... im just confused

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was walking on a beach when he saw a woman with no arms or legs crying. He asked what was wrong.

She said: "I have no arms and no legs, and I've never been hugged."

He hugged her and kept walking. A few minutes later, he sees her crying again. He asked what was wrong now;

She said: "I have no arms and no legs, and I've never been kissed."

He kissed her and kept walking. ...

r/fitness is just like the gym.

Everyone subscribes, but no one actually spends any time there.

You want to know who's desperate for a funny joke?

You, me and all of r/Jokes subscribers. Stay strong my friends.

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