There was once a horse with the most illustrious and flowing mane on the planet

Maybe she was barn with it, or maybe it's neighbelline.

Who cuts Simba's hair?

His mane man.

When god gave out bodies, he did it in alphabetical order.

GOD: And to you, horse, I give you a golden mane, great strength and speed, and a giant gait. You will be the noblest of beasts, and men will love you.

HORSEFLY (next in line): Oh man this is gonna be gooood

What does Gucci Mane say to get people to move out of his way?

Scooch

A Lion walks into a bar...

The bartender *obviously* seems frightened by this. The Lion walks up to the side of the bar and pulls up a seat next to a man. This man is dressed like a Lion Tamer, and seems pleased to see the Lion. The Bartender comes over and timidly asks the Lion, “Who are you?”. The man sitting beside the Lio...

A man walks into the bar looking mad

The bartender asks, "What's the matter?"

The guy replies, "Well I've got these two horses and I can't tell them apart. I don't know if I'm mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods."

The bartender suggests, "Why don't you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?"...

A man walks into a bar, looking depressed.

The bartender, being nice, decides to ask him what’s wrong. “What’s wrong?”, he asks. The man replies: “I have these 2 horses, but I cannot for the love of God tell them apart! I don’t know which one to feed, which one to ride, or anything like that!”

The bartender, feeling sorry for the guy...

A blonde goes horseback riding for the first time in her life, she's never had any prior lessons or training.

As soon as her bottom hits the saddle, the horse gallops away. Immediately the girl realizes she's not in the saddle correctly and she does everything she can to stay on the horse, she pulls on the horse's mane, she grabs the saddle ... but she realizes it's no use. Finally she decides the best th...

What do you call a designer horse?

Gucci mane

Blonde Goes Horse Riding

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and it immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse'...

Two blonds bought a horse each

When one says to the other

"Hey Jess, how will we be able to tell the horses apart?"

"Easy, I will cut its mane, so the one with the mane is yours, and the one without mane is mine"

But at night, the horse caretaker cut the other horse mane as a prank

So the next day, whe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 Texan surgeons are having a conversation on a golf course

The first one says: "I'm the best surgeon in Texas! A concert pianist has lost 7 fingers in an accident and I managed to sew them to his hand again. Tomorrow he will be playing for the Queen of England in an private audience!"

Says the second one: "Thats nothing! A young man lost both of his ...

Cowboy Talks to the Animals

A cowboy passes by a ranch and strikes up a conversation with the rancher sitting by the gate.

The cowboy asks the rancher, "Mind if I talk to your dog over there?"

"Damn fool, don't you know dogs can't talk?"

The cowboy replies, "So what's the harm?"

The rancher shrugs, ...

A farmer was having trouble telling his horses apart.

"I have two horses that I can't tell apart," he tells his friend. "Is there any way you can help me?"

"Shave the mane off one horse," his friend said. "Then you'll know the difference between them."

The farmer did as he was told, but after some time the mane grew back and he couldn't t...

A man wants to buy a horse for his daughter's birthday. [Long]

He goes to a barn to see if the farmer will sell a horse to him. He sees a beautiful white horse with a silky mane. The farmer says to the man,

"I see you eyeing my horse, if you're looking to buy him, it's 1000$." The man thinks it's a steal at that price, so he gets money out and pays....

As a reward for winning a race, a young stallion was put in a compound with a beautiful female zebra.

As the next day dawned, the keeper ran to see how the stallion had made out and was chagrined to see him leaning up against a tree. His mane was disheveled, his body covered in welts from angry hooves, and he had two giant black eyes. Astounded, the keeper asked what had happened.


The sta...

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NSFW What do you call the hair between your balls and your butthole?

Your gucci mane

*Credit to my friend for coming up with this*

A man just bought a religious horse...

A man was searching for the fastest and noblest steed. Finally, after much searching, he finally found a horse he was satisfied with. Its mane was silky, its coat was glossy, and it was the finest stallion that the man has ever laid his eyes upon.

While paying for the stallion, the seller rem...

What do you call a Chinese man's pubic hair?

His low- mane

When the gladiators fought lions

it was always the mane event

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**LONG** A cowboy walks into a bar...

A cowboy walks into a bar and has a seat. "What can I get for you?" the bartender asks. "Vodka, but I'll take the whole bottle." He replies.
"Something wrong?"
"Yeah, I have a problem with my horses. I want to train one of them to be a race horse and one to be a work horse but they look the s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm directing a film...

... And starring in it, as a shaggy groundskeeper from Northern New England who leads midnight raids on the estate's garden.

I'm the main character, mane caretaker, Maine carrot-taker.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Black Woman

So there is a black woman who has four kids.
The first one is named Tyrone.
The second one is named Tyrone.
The third one is named Tyrone.
And the fourth one is maned Tyrone.

How does she tell them apart?





By their last name.

Horse problems

A classic I first heard from my grandpa.

Rufus and Ludgate, a couple of rather rural neighbors, each decided to buy a horse one summer. Since they were neighbors, they decided it made sense to pasture the horses together in the same field. Before turning them loose, they talked about how to t...

Thank god

Mr. Marlow was strolling through the country when he saw a stable with the most beautiful horse he ever laid eyes on. It was seventeen hands high and white, with rippling muscles and a fine, flowing mane. Mr. Marlow struck a deal to buy it from the owner who did, however, pass on one key piece of in...

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