I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork...

I think I nailed it but nobody saw it.

What's the first step in getting accepted to carpentry school?

Submitting a stool sample.

I tried to find a pun about carpentry

But nothing wood work.

I'm thinking of starting a podcast where we talk about carpentry and smoking weed

It would be all about joints

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Had a friend tell me that there's no manlier feeling than doing some carpentry after sex. I got curious...

I came, I saw, I concurred.

Joe the Carpenter

Joe was a simple and serious man. He was a carpenter in a small village named Arge Oaks where he owned the store "Joe's Carpentry."

For years Joe impressed his fellow neighbors with the highest quality carpentry work. Some people in town complained he was a bit too expensive, but no one ever...

I was going to put a joke on here about carpentry.

But i didn't think it wood work........

so i decided to add some metal work instead,

but i realised it steel wooden work.....

A dog is looking for work...

He stumbles across an open construction site with a hiring sign.

The dog goes to the foreman and says he's willing to work and can start immediately. The foreman asks the dog if he has any experience with carpentry and construction.

The dog replies, "Some; I've got a lot of experienc...

I find my confidence always goes up after some basic carpentry...

...I'm pretty proud of myshelf

I just finished my carpentry exam. I got 80% for drilling, 90% for planing, but 100% for hammering!

Nailed it!

A man and his son run a carpentry business out in the countryside…

They do small jobs here and there, mostly on farms and ranches, fixing up barns and building pens for farm animals. The father eventually wants his son to take over the business and has tried to teach him the ins and outs of woodworking, along with other important lessons he thinks that every carpen...

I suspected my friend of using my carpentry tools without my permission...

And when he bragged he made a new front door decoration, I knew it was a sign.

Some monks came down to a small village in need of carpentry. They offered to replace all the wooden pillars and support beams in all the buildings by themselves. When the villagers asked why they were being so generous, the head monk simply replied

"Isn't it obvious? We're reposting for karma."

I dated a girl who was obsessed with carpentry. I told her "You have to make a choice: Me or your equipment."

She chose the ladder.

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Why did Hitler pursue carpentry in his youth?

Because he wanted to be a fascia-ist.

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Did you know Hitler tried to get into carpentry?

He even published a book, “Mein Kampfy Chair”

Apparently it never took off because he had a thing against screws.

My carpentry exam went really well.

I totally nailed it.

AI will silently take over a lot of industries until it gets to carpentry...

then suddenly everyone will start coming out of the wood work

"So, Mr. Sean Connery, it is true that you're proud of your hobby of carpentry?"

"Yeah, I love talking about myshelf"

What did Noah name the carpentry supply store he set up in Little Rock?

Ark-n-Saw.

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An American, a Frenchman, and A Japanese man are shipwrecked but spot a

While clinging to floating debris and paddling towards shore they discuss what they will do to survive.

The American dude has experience with carpentry, so they decide he will build them s shelter. The French gentleman is a pretty good cook, so they plan on him keeping them well fed. Eventual...

My dad asked me how was my first day at the carpentry course

I said that I "nailed" it.

Which breakfast gurus would you ask for carpentry advice?

The saw sages.

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A businessman needs a new lease on life, so he goes to see a fortune teller.

He asks the fortune teller what his future would look like if he became an artist.

To the man's surprise, the fortune teller pulls out a large bong, takes a hit, then looks into his crystal ball and says "dim and poor, don't bother."

So the businessman asks him about his second choice,...

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A man with a speech impediment is out and about...

Firstly, he enters a bakery and asks: "Can I buy this bum?", The baker says 'Uh, don't you mean bun?", He replies "Yes I'll have one of those please'

Secondly he goes to a carpentry store and asks: "Have you got a fuck-it?", the carpenter says "Do you mean a bucket?". "Yes I'll have one of t...

Why did Jesus drop out of the carpentry business?

He got too attached to his work.

An old blind man walks into a hardware store

He asks the cashier,

“I’d like to get into carpentry, but how could I ever make anything with my disability?”

The cashier, not knowing how to help, tried to find a way to help the old man.

“Well, if you were to start I’d go really slow, don’t get any heavy machinery or complic...

The king of animals

So a sheep had a big house in the middle of nowhere. After some time she noticed some pigs wandering around and they asked to move in for a week or two, they promised the sheep that during those two weeks they'll help her build a small cottage she wanted right next to her house. As they were buildin...

I went to see my doctor, he asked for a stool sample..

So i decided to take carpentry classes.

A carpenter finds a genie in a lamp

The genie tells the man "I can only grant you one wish. What is it that you would like?"
The carpenter responds: "You know, carpentry is my passion. I would love to be able to talk to my tools. They are my friends, after all".
The genie makes it so.
Later, the carpenter is working on the ...

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A man is sitting in a bar bragging about his dog...

He says his dog can do basic maths and that if anyone asks a basic question and his dog cant answer it, he'll buy them a beer.
So one man says ''What's 1+3?'' and the dog barks 4 times.
Another man asks ''What's 5-2?'' and so the dog barks 3 times.
A large man in a torn and foul-smelling ja...

TIL of a Nine Inch Nails and Tool collaboration project that never made it to the studio because of union issues

It was called Unlicensed Carpentry

Motel Coronavirus

Motel Coronavirus



On a dim dreary morning

Ceiling fan stirs the air

Stale beer and Doritos

Littered next to my chair

Just outside of my window

Saw a glimmer of light

My eyes were bloodshot and my head pounding

I hadn't slept all last ni...

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The sad scotsman

A tourist is backpacking through the highlands of Scotland, and he stops at a pub where he goes to get a pint of beer, and the only other patron there is an old man nursing a beer at the bar. And they drink in silence for a little bit. Suddenly the old man lifts his head and he goes, "You see this b...

Jesus walks in to an employment office

The man behind the desk, stunned says "hello Jesus, how can I help you?"

"I'm looking for work, my son" Jesus replies

"Can I ask what skills you have?"

"Well I'm a qualified carpenter"

The employment officer bashes his details in to the computer

"Well I have two c...

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