The 71+ Best Confused Jokes

Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.

They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."

Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.

He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to...

I was confused why there are so many stories about vampires in Europe, but not in Africa.

Then I remembered that vampires are killed by holy water.

They bless the rains down in Africa.

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A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him, so he walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing...

She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole and you’re a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.”

He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached the lady, again with the same request.

She said, “I’m on the 14th, you are a hole...

I got my covid test results and I'm so confused.. it was just the number 83...

On the plus side my IQ test came back positive

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “It’s not working. I can’t take it any more. I’m going to my mom’s.” Confused and extremely worried, I slowly opened the fridge door. The light came on, the beer was cold.

What the hell did she mean?

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I got the words "jacuzzi" and "yakuza" confused.

Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia.

As I was driving past a prison yesterday, I saw a dwarf scaling down the wall. Confused , I stared up at him and he sneered back.

And I thought to myself, "well that's a little condescending."

I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?

He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"

I was confused when my boss fired me for constantly having erection at the office

He is the one who told me he liked seeing employees hard at work.

What do you call a group of confused Spanish speaking racists?

The ¿Qué Qué Qué?

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I once stole a jar of orca semen from my friend, the scientist. After a few years, I felt bad, and eventually returned it. My friend was obviously confused by this and said "Thanks, but what is it?" I replied...

"Your whale cum."

At first I was confused when my boss told me to go get the Geiger counter…

…but then it clicked.

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At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.

Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.

He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculatio...

Why was the Egyptian boy confused?

Because his Daddy was a Mummy.

A woman goes to the doctor's to have a strange mark on her tummy looked at. The doctor said, "Do you by any chance have a boyfriend who attends Wisconsin University?" Confused, the girl asks, "Why do ask?"

The doc chuckles, "I'm not just a doctor, I'm also an amateur detective. It looks like your lover likes to wear a sweater with the initial letter of their university emblazoned on the front. It's mildly abrasive quality has been rubbing on your skin."

"Not bad doc!" she says. "Not bad at all!...

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Did you hear about the confused homosexual?

He couldn't think straight.

A guy walks into a juice bar, looks around confused, and walks back out.

There was no punch line.

I got "poltergeist" and "zeitgeist" confused

And now disco is undead

A confused chinese student asks his master: "Master Shi, why do all chinese look the same?"

Then the Master replyed: "I am not master Shi."

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An old Englishman was very confused by what his loner teenage son had done

His son had made a 70s style carpet out of raven corpses. He confronted his son, who replied “sorry dad, thought you meant this when you said I should go out and shag some birds.”

Why are baby ants confused?

Because all their uncles are ants.

I'm not sure what confused the mailman more...

the fact that I came to the door naked, or the fact that I knew where he lived.

I always get Halloween and Valentine's Day confused.

They're both about candy and being something you're not.

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I was confused the other day when someone told me I can make ice cubes with left over wine.

What the fuck is "left over wine"?

Why was the sheep farmer confused when IT came to fix his computer?

He kept telling him he had bad RAM.

A mildly perceptive man is confused for being psychic

One day a man was bored and decided to see if he could trick people into thinking he was psychic.

He setup a booth on a busy street with a sign. "$1 to read your mind."

His first customer, a slightly chubby man, looked skeptical.

"Ok, tell me something about me."

...

I hate when people confused etymology and entomology.

In a word, it bugs me.

Bigfoot is sometimes confused with Sasquatch,

Yeti never complains.

Confused husband

Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I'll bet you don't know what day this is."

"Of course I do," he answered as if he was offended, and left for the office.

At 10:00 a.m., the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box of a dozen long s...

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A blonde is on the bus when this guy gets on with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sits down next to her. The confused blonde keeps looking at him and his bulging pockets...

He notices her looking and eventually, after many such glances from her, he says, “It’s golf balls.”

Nevertheless, the blonde continues to look at him for a very long time, appearing to think deeply about what he had said.

After several minutes, she can’t contain her curiosity any more...

I was confused when my printer started making music

Until i realized the paper was... jamming.

A vendor selling ice from a street cart has a sign that says “Ise Stand.” “Mr. vendor, you seem to have accidentally confused the ‘c’ in ‘ice’ for an ‘s.’” The vendor replies, “I’m certain you are mistaken!” The next day, the vendor’s freshly repainted sign reads:

“Ice Stand, Corrected”

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"

Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."

Mary answers, "He's in my heart."

Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"

The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.

"Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my f...

I'm still confused what Pride Month is all about...

I tried googling for it but couldn't get a straight answer.

I decided to celebrate pride month but I got confused.

What the hell am I going to do with 15 lions?

I am a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me LEGOs for my birthday.

I don’t know what to make of it.

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There are fuckups, there are royal fuckups, and then there was NASA crashing a spaceship because they confused pounds and kilos.

That was an *Imperial* fuckup.

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If I had a nickel for every time I’ve said “I’m confused” ...

I’d be thinking “where the fuck did all these nickels come from?”

I once met a girl who had confused Krazy Glue for KY Jelly.

I asked her how she did it, but sadly, her lips were sealed.

Turns out Trump just got confused

He made the swamp great again and drained America.

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What does a confused hitler say?

What the heil is going on

As an Italian, I am often confused when people have trouble addressing my dwarf father

I mean, it's a little apparent.

A man walks into a resort and the first sign he sees says “Lool Area”. He was confused and asked one of the employees about it.

“Yes, we have this tradition here, where we replace the first ‘P’ of a word that starts with P with an ‘L’."

The man thought this was strange, but as long as there were no other rules, he’d be fine. The man toured the resort and eventually came upon the cafeteria.

There was a s...

How do you get an r/jokes redditor confused?

A woman smelling strongly of hard liquor wakes up in a police station, dazed and confused.

She asks the first police officer she sees, "Why am I here?"

"For drinking," replies the officer.

=====

"That's great," says the woman, "when do we start?"

Confused Girl

Girl: Excuse me, where do you get those- Gold Necklaces with the “t” on it?

Man: That’s a Cross

Girl: Across from Where?

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Confused

Two lovers fall on hard times and decided to rob a bank together. The first lover plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second lover in great detail.

The robbery begins. The first lover drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to the other lover, "I want to make abso...

Why do coders get Halloween confused with Christmas?

Because OCT 31 = DEC 25!

Dogs are getting stressed and confused because they’ve noticed their owners are now wearing masks

Cats are unaffected though as they’re yet to notice their owners at all

MY gf said we where breaking up , i was confused

Then i went out and the signal was lot clearer

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Sometimes too, English can get confused as shit..

Telling someone "you're shit" and "you ain't shit" are both insults. But "you are not shit" is a reassurance.

"You are not the shit" is also an insult, but "You are the shit" is a compliment.

Ladies and Gentlemen, i present to you.. "a shitty English Language"

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NSFW I got confused between the difference between oral and anal

You can imagine my horror when we got told to do a French oral presentation for GCSE

The other day, I noticed a coworker standing in front of our office's new high-capacity paper shredder, looking confused.

"Here, let me help. It's very simple," I said, as I took the thick stack of documents and fed them into the paper insert.

He smiled in relief as the machine whirred. "Thank you so much! Now...where do the copies come out?"

I'm trying to learn English. They told me "I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, but I'm still confused.

Can anybody please tell me why the widow got mad at me at the funeral?

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What do you call a sexually confused chimp

Bi-curious george

How do you make an idiot confused

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English is my first language (50+ years) and I still get confused on how to use some words. For example:

Is it *buttcheeks* or *butt cheeks?*

Are they together or spread apart?

what did the white woman say to the other white woman who confused jay-z for lil wayne?

thats ludacris

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I’m so confused

I was writing my wife a sexy love poem and she criticized me for the way I spelled vadgina. She never complained about me putting a D in there before.

When people talk about the "average citizen" I always get confused.

Is that normal?

A man, slightly confused by how his buddy is dressed, asks him, “How long have you been wearing that bra?”

The friend replies, “Ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment."

Why were the Egyptian children confused?

Because their daddies were mummies.

My wife is turning 62 tomorrow. I tell her not to get too excited as she will only have one minute to enjoy it. Confused, she asked, "what do you mean?"

It's your sixty second birthday.

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A guy gets hit by a bus and finds himself in front of iron gates. Confused he asks where he is, "Hell," said the devil "but before you get overly concerned, it's not as bad as you think it is..."

"What!!" said the guy, starting to panic. "How can that be, I'm a good person, this can't be right, it can't be!"

"Calm down," said the devil, "the rules for going upstairs are a lot stricter than people realise - and besides, like I said before, it's really not that bad here."

Unconvi...

My son was playing a Zelda game and I told him it was more effective to lose health during the summer and winter seasons. Confused, he asked why?

I said, that way you don't take any Fall damage.

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I haven't had sex since 1956

A woman asked an Army General when the last time he had made love to a woman. The general replied "1956, ma'am." The woman, in disbelief said "1956?! That long? Come with me and let me make your night better." The woman and general went back to her apartment and made passionate love for over an hour...

I knew a guy who used to get Tony Hawk and Stephen Hawking confused

Understandable, they both loved ramps.

My girlfriend was hurrying me along and asking when things were going to be done so I asked her if she was my clone from Moscow. She looked confused and said "No, why?"

I said "Because you're Russian me."

I get confused with these Latin phrases.

Is it carpe tunnel or per diem?

When they say '2% milk' I get confused

I don't know what the other 98% is!

An Indonesian ambassador and a Polish ambassador are meeting in America to discuss international relationships when the American embassy worker gets confused.

"Their country flags are so similar and confusing," the American embassy worker thought to himself, "How can I tell the Indonesian flag and the Polish flag apart?"

"Is the white strip located above the red stripe?" The embassy worker asked the ambassadors.

"Tak" replied the ambassadors...

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