Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up.

Sam looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?"

They draw straws. Lester, who is always a loser, picks the short one.

They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't...

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A drop dead gorgeous woman at the club whispered seductively in my ear, "How about free drinks all night in return for sex?" Sputtering excitedly, I blubbered, "Ah-ah-ah-are y-y-y-you sh-sh-sh-sure?!" Purring, she panted, "Yes!" I shot out...

"Really, because I can drink a lot of whisky, you know!?"

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I went to the doctor's the other day and found out the new doctor is a drop dead gorgeous blonde babe

I was embarrassed, but she said "Don't worry, I am a professional - Just tell me what is wrong and I will check it out"

I said, "My wife thinks my dick tastes funny".

A pun walks into the bar and 10 people drop dead

Pun in, ten dead.

Necrophiliacs are only interested in women that are drop dead gorgeous.

That’s all.

Two Irish priests decided to go on a vacation to Barcelona.

They were determined to make this a real vacation
by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.

As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store
and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

The next morning they went to the beach...

Blonde Overweight

A blonde is overweight so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day and repeat for two weeks and you'll lose at least five pounds." When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. The doctor exclaims, "That's amazing! Did you follow my diet?" The...

How was a ghost caught in a human party?

He yelled: "Dance til' ya drop dead again!'

I was sitting at the stoplight when a drop dead gorgeous woman pulled up next to me and rolled her window down. I rolled my window down and smiled at her . . .

She said, “What? Did you fart too?”

What does Medusa have in her dating profile?

Beware: I'm drop dead gorgeous.

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NSFW: There's a crew of builders working on a high rise building in Australia. They are working on the top; which is over 70 stories high.

Bruce the builder, climbs on a beam hanging from the crane and says to his friend Joe "Hey Joe, stand on the other end of the beam, as a counter weight, I need to take a whizz over the side. Joe stands with his back to him and says "Sure thing, mate." Bruce undoes his fly and starts peeing. The lunc...

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Ammo situation is getting desperate

This morning I lucked out and was able to buy several cases of ammo.
On the way home I stopped at the gas station and this drop dead gorgeous blond was filling up her car at the next pump.

She looked at the ammo in the back of my car and said in a very sexy
voice, "I'm a big believer i...

Three men approach the gates of heaven

Three men approach the gate of heaven and meet Saint Peter who tells them that heaven is getting full and only those with the most awful deaths will be allowed in that day.
The first man steps up and says picture this...My boss let me go home early so I rushed home to my 22nd apartment floor buil...

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A businessman breaks down on the side of a country road...

Along his trip to the big city a businessman's car breaks down on a long stretch of country road. As he exits his car he finds no mechanic shops or gas stations along the road and his phone is out of the service area. Luckily a farmer on a tractor stopped by and offered his support.

Farmer: ...

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One day a man, who had been stranded on a desert island

One day a man, who had been stranded on a desert island for over ten years sees an unusual speck on the horizon. "It's certainly not a ship", he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft. Suddenly, emerging from t...

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A true story that has a punchline

I was standing out in front of a big box store with my dad, waiting on my Aunt to shop. When we see a beautiful African American lady walk past in yoga pants. I’m talking drop dead gorgeous!

After watching her walk into the store, my dad comments “Holy crap, those should be illegal!”

I...

Captain Flint and his crew of cutlass wielding marauders, set sail for Clew Bay, ready to take down the Filthy Five Hundred and collect upon their bounty.

Retrieving the heads of these skallywags will net him $1 per ear, and Captain Flint was ready to lay down his life for it. With $1000 he could buy an entire fleet with 50 men per ship. He'd be the most feared Pirate in the Atlantic!

After 2 days of fighting by sea and shore, Captain Flint an...

A police officer and a hot blonde

One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window.
The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Drop dead blonde, the works.

"I've pulled you over for spee...

A man stands on a street corner, looking for the right customer to sell to.

The man sees another man who seems important. Fancy, gray suit from a world-renown tailor, a watch witch appears to be 24k gold and looks like the guys in the suit commercials.

The man on the corner takes his chance. "Excuse me, sir in the gray!" He starts, getting the man's attention. "Would...

If you want to pick up women, become a mortician.

I heard girls drop dead for them.

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Sexy Neighbor

A guy is talking to his buddy one day and he tells him "man, there's this new girl that moved in next door. She's drop dead gorgeous, but I can't go talk to her because every time I see her I get a raging boner. Rock hard every time I get a glimpse of her. I can't go talk to her like that, she would...

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Afterlife for IRS Cheaters

Tony and his friend John die in a car accident and go to judgment. God tells Tony that because he cheated on his income taxes, the only way he can enter Heaven is to sleep with a stupid, ugly woman for the next five years.

A few days later, as Tony's walking in the park with his stupid, hideo...

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