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Terrify Jokes

What’s orange and black and comes together in October to really terrify people?

Donald and Kanye

What’s the most terrifying word in experimental nuclear physics?

Oops!

(Shameless karma farming on cake day)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was time for the day of revelations. The Apocalypse.

The Lord said, "IS ALL IN PREPERATION?"

And his angels said, "Yes, oh, Alpha and Omega! Shall we break the seals?"

And the Lord said, "LET IT BE DONE."

Conquest, War, Famine and Death were then unleashed. As one, they asked in their terrible voices: "Shall we unleash the final ...

What is something you can find under your son's bed which will terrify you more than your son?

A coconut

a guy walks into a bar for a Halloween party...

and is surprised to see the bar decorated for Christmas. "What's with the Christmas decorations?" the guy asks the bartender. "I thought this was supposed to be a spooky Halloween party." "Oh, these decorations are very scary for a lot of people," the bartender replies. "We're gonna terrify people w...

You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"



Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base.

They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.

The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost,...

A tree's first winter must be terrifying.

Imagine the releaf they feel in spring.

Why is rabbit farming a terrifying profession?

Every day is a hare-raising experience.

An old Chinese story

A village was terrorized by a demon. The demon attacked people, ate their livestock, trampled their fields, screamed when they tried to sleep, blew out their lights, pinched their babies, threw their dinners on the floor, broke bowls, intentionally sang off key, and was a real nuisance. The villager...

A Glasgow woman has reported terrifying multiple sightings of a puma in her local park

Similar events were reported in England, as when the nightclubs reopened, people saw a huge number of prowling cougars.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was once photographed out partying whilst drunk, drugged up and looking very much worse for wear. The news media got hold of it and my picture was splashed across the tabloid papers with the headline "The Terrifying Effects of Substance Abuse".

When I first saw it, I went home and had a long hard look at myself in The Mirror.

And then in The Sun, The Daily Star and The Tribune. I thought to myself "Now that's fucking Rock 'n' Roll"

What's the most terrifying to read in Braille?

"Do not touch."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

COVID-19 is like a check engine light, at first you're like, "fuck, this is terrifying"

But after a while you'll be like, "fuck, I need to get to work!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Terrifying Story

A guy in a taxi wanted to speak to the driver so he leaned forward and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, jumped up in the air and yanked the wheel over. The car mounted the curb, demolished a lamppost and came to a stop inches from a shop window. The startled passenger said "I didn't ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

America: "It's terrifying so many of us are dying to something we can't even see."

The Middle East: "We fucking know"

The drone pilot: “lol"

What's the only thing more terrifying than Thanos wearing the Infinity Gauntlet?

Thanos wearing the Infinity Gauntlet while playing a Jet in a production of West Side Story

The alphabet is terrifying.

A bee sea? No thank you

Have you ever heard of Roko's Basilisk? (contains a small amount of existential dread)

It's a thought experiment provided by a user named "Roko" on a philosophy forum-based website.

Suppose a machine is invented that can simulate the whole world from the past to the future, becoming practically omniscient. The scientists who made this obviously want this to help the world, so ...

What would be a terrifying game show for flat-earthers?

Sphere Factor

To the thief who broke into my costume shop and stole the most terrifying mask I had for sale:

I don't know how you can look at yourself in the mirror.

The most terrifying horror story... ever

Nester absolutely loves horror stories. From ghost and apparitions, to science-fiction, he enjoys reading all of them. One day while he visits a newly-opened bookstore, he got a glimpse on a rather unusual-looking book. A thin, hard-covered novel with no title.

As he examined the book, the o...

Why is it terrifying to get a Mohawk?

Because it's a hair raising experience

(I'll let myself out)

Pluto, king of the Underworld, may be terrifying, but deep down he’s just depressed.

He’s trying to cope with it, but Charon took the kids.

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