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Terrify Jokes

What’s the most terrifying word in experimental nuclear physics?

Oops!

(Shameless karma farming on cake day)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Terrifying Story

A guy in a taxi wanted to speak to the driver so he leaned forward and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, jumped up in the air and yanked the wheel over. The car mounted the curb, demolished a lamppost and came to a stop inches from a shop window. The startled passenger said "I didn't ...

A tree's first winter must be terrifying.

Imagine the releaf they feel in spring.

What is more terrifying than a mechanic with a laptop?

What is more terrifying than a mechanic with a laptop?

A programmer with a screwdriver.

What’s orange and black and comes together in October to really terrify people?

Donald and Kanye

What's the most terrifying thing to read in Braille?

DO NOT TOUCH

Why is rabbit farming a terrifying profession?

Every day is a hare-raising experience.

What is something you can find under your son's bed which will terrify you more than your son?

A coconut

The alphabet is terrifying.

A bee sea? No thank you

What unit of measurement do you use to weigh bones?

Skele tons!
Stay spooky my dudes

The most terrifying horror story... ever

Nester absolutely loves horror stories. From ghost and apparitions, to science-fiction, he enjoys reading all of them. One day while he visits a newly-opened bookstore, he got a glimpse on a rather unusual-looking book. A thin, hard-covered novel with no title.

As he examined the book, the o...

Why is it terrifying to get a Mohawk?

Because it's a hair raising experience

(I'll let myself out)

What's the only thing more terrifying than Thanos wearing the Infinity Gauntlet?

Thanos wearing the Infinity Gauntlet while playing a Jet in a production of West Side Story

What would be a terrifying game show for flat-earthers?

Sphere Factor

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

America: "It's terrifying so many of us are dying to something we can't even see."

The Middle East: "We fucking know"

The drone pilot: “lol"

a guy walks into a bar for a Halloween party...

and is surprised to see the bar decorated for Christmas. "What's with the Christmas decorations?" the guy asks the bartender. "I thought this was supposed to be a spooky Halloween party." "Oh, these decorations are very scary for a lot of people," the bartender replies. "We're gonna terrify people w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

COVID-19 is like a check engine light, at first you're like, "fuck, this is terrifying"

But after a while you'll be like, "fuck, I need to get to work!"

what's black, white, orange and terrifying?

My voters pamphlet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's a little-known legend about Attila the Hun...

The story goes that Attila used to collect exotic animals that he found during his conquests. He particularly liked dangerous or fearsome animals, and his favourite was a giant snake. He was so fond of it, it was said that he brought it with him on every campaign.


But his snake lost its a...

To the thief who broke into my costume shop and stole the most terrifying mask I had for sale:

I don't know how you can look at yourself in the mirror.

Pluto, king of the Underworld, may be terrifying, but deep down he’s just depressed.

He’s trying to cope with it, but Charon took the kids.

You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base ...

It would be terrifying if Elizabeth I were alive today...

... Because she's dead.


Note: Credit goes to my dryly-sarcastic history professor.

Right when I thought all this news of terrifying clowns had blown over...

... We elect Donald Trump as President

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was Friday night. Frank, Jim and Ed were at the game ready to watch 26 infected zombie girls tear each other to pieces.

Tied around the inside of the arena, the infected girls are labelled A-Z, with fresh meat tied to their backs to entice them to fight. The winner is the last one standing.

Over 50,000 spectators watch from the stands behind a wire fence, betting slips in hand and eager for the fight to begin....

For Halloween, my neighbor put up a Wolverine themed scarecrow. And it's terrifying my daughter.

I guess she is claw-straw-phobic...

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