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Oppress Jokes

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It's funny how liberals think Donald Trump oppresses women and hates gays

Like he's a Muslim or something.

I work at an oppressed sperm bank

But through all odds, we will overcome.

Physics is oppressive

All it does is keep us down.

If China had $1 for every time they oppressed a racial minority...

They’d become an economic global power.




Wait...

Growing up with oppressive parents, me and my sister were never allowed to date.

I mean, why would they, after all, we're siblings.

I'm Vietnamese, and feel I have been oppressed, discriminated against, and held back by people.

Because they always say,

"Nah Pham."

What's the instrument of oppression?

the Trumpet

What do oppressive regimes and modern CPUs have in common?

Speculative execution

Trump complains so much about being oppressed and degraded that he should make his own show and call it...

Orange is the New Black.

What did the bread do after it had been oppressed for many years?

Rye-ot

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An elderly Jewish man is sitting on a park bench reading the Tehran Times

A friend sees him and says, "Oy, Moishe! How can you read that rag? Don't you know the things they say about us?"

To which the man replies, "Well, I used to read to read the Jewish papers, but they're so depressing. Every headline is 'Jews Being Persecuted!' 'Jews Living in Poverty!' 'Jews Be...

What does a push up bra and a dictatorship have in common?

They both oppress those on the inside. They both lie to those on the outside. And they both raise monuments to the fallen.

What’s the difference between a sandstorm and a blizzard?

A sandstorm doesn’t oppress your right to free speech

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A Frenchman, an Englishman and an Australian were hiking through some remote mountains.

The weather was oppressively hot when they saw this beautiful lake. They ran down to the lake, stripped off and swam in the wonderfully cool water.

Natives appeared on the shore and captured them and took them before the Chief.

"Lake is our most sacred site. You have violated sacred si...

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A black guy, a Mexican guy, and a white hillbilly are the only survivors of a plane crash in the Nevada desert.

As they attempt to walk back to civilization, they come across a genie lamp.

The genie pops out and offers to grant them each one wish.

The black guy steps forward and says "My people have been enslaved for centuries and oppressed for all of our history. We are treated like second-cla...

How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to get on their high horse and the other to chastise them for oppressing the horse.

A gorgeous blonde is trying to board a city bus...

but her dress is so tight, it won't allow her to lift her leg high enough to reach the first step. She reaches back and unzips the dress a few inches to allow more flexibility. She tries again, but it still isn't enough. She unzips a little more, starting to worry that she'll give the people behind ...

Communist Party centenary live:

**China has never ‘oppressed’ another country and never will, Xi says**

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Ant

1. 5 ants + 5 ants = Tenants
2. To bring an ant from another country into your country = Important
3. Ant that goes to school = Brilliant
4. Ant that is looking for a job = Applicant
5. A spy ant = Informant
6. A very little ant = Infant
7. An ant that uses a gun = Militant
8. ...

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Don't be so rough on China, they have some legitimate grievances

They've been oppressed by so many nations in the world: the Mongols, the Japanese, the Chinese...

Why don't Antifa like the desert?

The heat is oppressive.

How many Social Justice Warriors does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, just the one black guy they get to do it so they can tell him how oppressed he is.

So this is how it ends, huh...

I was arrested for speaking out of line.
I was protesting against the injustices facing our community, the harsh taxes and oppressions that have faced my community for years. The cruel and unusual punishments especially. Our town is small and insular, so outside influence is heavily resisted by ...

Google Doodles

Four people are sitting at a bar. A native American, a trucker, a business woman, and a google employee walks up to these people, and asks them:

“Do any of you know of an important problem facing our society? If so, then we can make a doodle of it and put it on our search homepage to raise aw...

This Heat is Like a Middle Eastern Dictator...

This Heat is Like a Middle Eastern Dictator. It's oppressive, you can't get away from it, and I'm pretty sure we can blame the U.S. for it.

Favorite Mythological Creature

Someone on tumblr who isn't oppressed

A News Anchor is in an Islamic country interviewing the civilians.

The news anchor asks a woman:"Are you being oppressed?"
The woman stutters:"I...I have to ask my husband."



Source/Inspiration: Dutch comedian Hans Teeuwen

Tall guys of the world, unite! There are people who seek to discriminate against us!

Surely, you have noticed it by now. All over the Internet people are screaming about oppression and then saying, "#notallmen."

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A man catches his Jewish friend reading an anti-Semitic newspaper.

"Rabinowitz!" He says, "You're reading an anti-Semitic newspaper! How could you?"

"Oh, it's very simple," he replies. "At first I read Jewish newspapers, but they were so depressing! 'Everyone wants to exterminate the Jews!' 'Antisemitism and oppression all around!' So many problems, so much ...

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Susan the cow

Susan the cow was just in the meadow grazing, when she heard the sound of bells. Panicking she starts running towards the barn, where shes met by more ringing of bells. Looking around Susan sees Garet the bull and all his heifers. They all had fancy bells on that make delightful noises at ever movem...

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How do you tell the difference between an Australian Police Officer, a Canadian Police Officer, an American Police Officer and a Scottish police officer?

QUESTION:You’re a policeman, on duty by yourself. You are walking on a deserted street late at night.
Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you and screaming something that sounds like obscenities, raises the knife and lunges at you.


You are ...

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Lenin headed directly to Heaven after he died.

He thought he had done much good for the oppressed and deserved retirement in Heaven. He arrived at the gates.

"Who's there?"

"Vladimir Ilyich Lenin."

"Okay, okay! Last one in be sure to close the door. It's kind of cold in here..."

God checked Lenin's dossier and decided...

A Rabbi, an Imam, and a good old boy redneck American Soldier are all in a plane crash and find themselves standing before St. Peter at the pearly gates.

Saint Peter says to them "You've each made mistakes in your lives that could delay your entry into heaven, but I'm willing to let all three of you in at once if you can find something good in your brother standing beside you."

The Imam looks at the Rabbi and says "Surely this fellow man of Go...

Famous Quotes from US Presidents

“The harder the conflict, the greater the triumph.” ― George Washington

“Honesty is the first chapter of the book wisdom.” ― Thomas Jefferson

“If tyranny and oppression come to this land it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.” ― James Madison

“Try and fail, but don...

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