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Spilled Jokes

I spilled spot remover on my dog

Dog gone

Husband: "Waiter, my wife spilled her water".

Waiter: "No problem, I'll get you another one".
Husband: "Make sure the next one likes sports".

I was kicked out of my weight watchers meeting yesterday, because I spilled a bag of M&M's on the floor.

It was the best game of Hungry, Hungry Hippo I've ever seen.

What did the man say when he spilled a drink?

This one's on me.

What did the native do after he spilled his tea?

he became naive.

I spilled the bag of coffee at work.

My boss said it was Grounds for dismissal.

I went to a restaurant and a waiter spilled chowder down my trousers, so I said...

Waiter, waiter...there's soup in my fly!

I thought I spilled coffee all over my keyboard.

My keyboard still works fine except one key. The spill was under control.

I just spilled my cup...

...and all I got was this tea shirt.

"Sorry about all that ice I spilled in your kitchen earlier", my friend said.

I told him, "Don't worry about it, it's all water under the fridge now".

I spilled coffee all over my Macbook...

...now it won't go to sleep.

My waiter just spilled coffee all over me.

I know it was just an accident, but I'm still bitter.

I spilled all my vodka today

It was an Absolut loss

I accidentally spilled a coconut milk based curry on my patella, but just a small amount.

It was only a Thai knee issue.

Why was the man with hummus spilled on his shirt called kinky?

Because he had some chick-pea all over him.

Right after takeoff, a pilot comes on the microphone to welcome his passengers. “Thank you for flying with us. The weather is....”

Then he suddenly starts screaming while still on the mic, “OH MY GOD! IT IS BURNING!!, IT IS BURNING!”

Then silence.

A few seconds later, he comes back on and says, “I’m terribly sorry about what happened. I spilled some scorching hot coffee on my lap...you should see my pants!!”
...

I spilled a condiment all over my legs today.

Now I got mayo knees.

Upon Arriving Home, A Husband Was Met At The Door By His Sobbing Wife Tearfully she explained, "It's the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone."

Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a few words, the druggist told him,

"Now, just a minute, please listen to my side of it...
This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went withou...

My second joke: The 10 year old cannibal spilled his soup,

So his mother gave him and earful.

A truck full of hair restorer tonic overturned and spilled on the freeway today

Police are combing the area

Have your ever spilled your breakfast on your pants?

It's pure egg-on-knee

A truck carrying fruits accidentally spilled them all over the expressway

It caused a traffic jam

A spill

While doing a lab experiment I was listening to music by a band who's bassist was a known drug abuser. During his solo, I slipped on some spilled vinegar & lost my grip on a beaker full of sodium hydroxide.
Looks like while he was tripping on acid dropping the bass, I was tripping on acid dro...

7 thousand gallons of gin have spilled on the highway.

Now every lane is the sloe lane.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had such a horrible day at work. Some dick head spilled milk on me. Rude right?

How dairy.

I spilled a beer on my laptop and now it won't work

Must be the Corona Virus

Teacher gave her class this assignment: ask your parents to tell you a story with a moral at the end of it.

**Teacher gave her class this assignment: ask your parents to tell you a story with a moral at the end of it.**

Following day the kids came back and one by one go through their stories.

There were all the regular things - never too old to learn, never give up, no crying over spilled mi...

I spilled my drink on the first guitar I ever had.

I was about to throw it out, but there's a lot of water under the bridge.

Today morning, I spilled tea on my shirt

It became a T-shirt

A church got a new pastor, who the music minister immediately disliked. Eventually, their conflict spilled out into the Sunday services.

The first week, the pastor preached about commitment and how we should dedicate our lives to serving one another. The music minister led the song "I Shall Not Be Moved."

The second week, the pastor preached about tithing and how important it was for the congregation to contributed to the chu...

I accidentally spilled my coffee on an Indian friend's dress

I told her I'm sari.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I accidentally spilled spot remover on my dog.

It scared the shit out of him and now I need some for my carpet :(

I had to call the police on my chemist teacher who spilled sodium chloride on me.

That's a salt.

Newsflash! Tanker truck carrying brine has crashed and spilled its contents all over the highway.

Motorists are reported to be in a pickle.

What did the pope say when he spilled the sacramental wine?

Do we have any papal towels?

I was seasoning my steak when one of my spice container lids popped open and spilled all over.

It was quite the waste of thyme

I accidentally spilled my bottle of rum on the floor.

I was let down because I thought I'd be the one getting wasted.

An 18-wheeler spilled a load of strawberry preserves on the interstate today

It was a real traffic jam

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Day 12 of quarantine: I traversed the microwave and accidentally spilled ice all over the kitchen floor. Girlfriend was pissed

but it’s all water under the fridge now


Credit u/kelly240361

I spilled all of my peroxynitrite in the middle of an experiment

I was like : " ONOO^- "

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Accidently spilled vanishing cream on my gerbil Lenny, and thus immediately took him to our vet

Bastard said he couldn't see him right now.

I got fired from the top secret Heinz factory the other day...

I spilled the beans.

Did you hear about the chef who spilled his herbs on the floor?

Cleaning it up was a massive waste of thyme.

On the freeway, a truck spilled its cargo of strawberries, which were then crushed by the cars followed behind.

Caused a traffic jam.

Went out for sushi last night

And a guy spilled a whole bottle of soy sauce on himself. Everyone laughed except me. Don‘t Kikkoman when he’s down

What do you call a hispanic man who spilled his nachos?

A messycan

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the truckload of cocktail straws and lemon rinds that crashed in a cemetery and spilled into an open grave?

Plot twist!

I was at a café when a Frenchman spilled water on himself.

It was a pretty l'eau point in his life.

(L'eau is French for water)

Partied so hard last night I spilled Kool-Aide on my cocaine

Punchline

Earlier today, my friend was in the kitchen and spilled hot queso all over her feet.

Guess she had Tostitos.

I brought my wife coffee in bed this morning. She got excited, hot and wet.

Yeah, I spilled it on her..

One time I tripped and spilled my drink on someone in the middle of a joke they were telling.

I never heard the end of it.

My wife called me an alcoholic, and I was so taken aback I spilled my drink...

But I was able to wring out the placemat back into the glass, so everything's ok!

I spilled laundry detergent all over myself and the basket of clothes I was carrying. There was nothing I could do.

My hands were tide.

My roommate seemed like he was in denial when I told him I spilled all his protein powder...

...he just kept saying "no whey, no whey"

When I was young, I slipped on some spilled beans and broke my spine, paralysing myself...

Oh what I'd have done with Heinzsight.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In a recent blind taste test, a bunch of shit got spilled all over the place.

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