I thought I spilled coffee all over my keyboard.

My keyboard still works fine except one key. The spill was under control.

Why was the man with hummus spilled on his shirt called kinky?

Because he had some chick-pea all over him.

A church got a new pastor, who the music minister immediately disliked. Eventually, their conflict spilled out into the Sunday services.

The first week, the pastor preached about commitment and how we should dedicate our lives to serving one another. The music minister led the song "I Shall Not Be Moved."

The second week, the pastor preached about tithing and how important it was for the congregation to contributed to the chu...

Went out for sushi last night

And a guy spilled a whole bottle of soy sauce on himself. Everyone laughed except me. Don‘t Kikkoman when he’s down

I spilled some coffee on my keyboard,

Now i have no escape.

My brother spilled apple juice on my laptop

It was a cider attack

What happened when the Indian student spilled some lunch on their homework?

It became saag-y

I just spilled my cup...

...and all I got was this tea shirt.

- I just spilled sodium hydride on my hand.

-Does it hurt?

-NaH

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had such a horrible day at work. Some dick head spilled milk on me. Rude right?

How dairy.

Upon Arriving Home, A Husband Was Met At The Door By His Sobbing Wife

Tearfully she explained, "It's the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone."

Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the phamacist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a few words, the druggist told him,

"Now, just a minute, please list...

I spilled a condiment all over my legs today.

Now I got mayo knees.

I was out mowing my lawn...

I was out mowing my lawn. When I had to stop and refill the mower with gasoline.

The gas can broke and spilled gasoline into a puddle. I went to get some absorbent to clean up the mess but found the local stray cat had lapped up all that spilled gasoline.

I tried catch it, but it wen...

A truck full of hair restorer tonic overturned and spilled on the freeway today

Police are combing the area

I was drinking beer at the computer and spilled a whole can on my keyboard..

RIP.
We had some good times..

Good thing I had another one in the fridge.

My waiter just spilled coffee all over me.

I know it was just an accident, but I'm still bitter.

"Sorry about all that ice I spilled in your kitchen earlier", my friend said.

I told him, "Don't worry about it, it's all water under the fridge now".

A man and his wife are out to dinner when the wife drops spaghetti

Wife: “Dang it! I look like a pig!”

Husband: “And you spilled on your shirt.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My brother told me a joke about spilled sewerage

It was a shit joke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Day 12 of quarantine: I traversed the microwave and accidentally spilled ice all over the kitchen floor. Girlfriend was pissed

but it’s all water under the fridge now


Credit u/kelly240361

A quiet flight.

Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced:

'Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain.

Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto .

...
The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneven...

My second joke: The 10 year old cannibal spilled his soup,

So his mother gave him and earful.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the truckload of cocktail straws and lemon rinds that crashed in a cemetery and spilled into an open grave?

Plot twist!

What does a Spanish person call spilled noodles?

A derramen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Captain's cabin broadcast:

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to welcome you again on board. Currently, we are flying over the Atlantic ocean, our height is 10000 meters and our speed is 900kph. Air temperature... shit! Fuck! Oh my god! No!

Captains go silent. Passengers are white as chalk, panic, scream...

A mi...

A truck carrying fruits accidentally spilled them all over the expressway

It caused a traffic jam

By mistake his Phone rang in Church during prayers...

The Priest scolded him ...

After prayers, the congregation admonished him for interrupting the silence.

His wife lectured him on his carelessness until they got home.

One could see the shame, embarrassment n humiliation on his face !!

*He has never stepped into the Church...

I spilled all my vodka today

It was an Absolut loss

Right after takeoff, a pilot comes on the microphone to welcome his passengers. “Thank you for flying with us. The weather is....” Then he suddenly starts screaming while still on the mic, “OH MY GOD! IT IS BURNING!!, IT IS BURNING!” Then silence...

A few seconds later, he comes back on and says, “I’m terribly sorry about what happened. I spilled some scorching hot coffee on my lap...you should see my pants!!”
r>A voice from the back of the plane yelled, “Why don’t you come here and see ours?”

I spilled a beer on my laptop and now it won't work

Must be the Corona Virus

I had to call the police on my chemist teacher who spilled sodium chloride on me.

That's a salt.

Husband: "Waiter, my wife spilled her water".

Waiter: "No problem, I'll get you another one".
Husband: "Make sure the next one likes sports".

On the freeway, a truck spilled its cargo of strawberries, which were then crushed by the cars followed behind.

Caused a traffic jam.

Newsflash! Tanker truck carrying brine has crashed and spilled its contents all over the highway.

Motorists are reported to be in a pickle.

I was at a restaurant, and spilled soup on my jeans.

I called for there server: "Waitress, there's soup in my fly"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple goes to therapy

A couple goes to therapy to discuss their issues.

The therapist asks. So, why are we here today?

The husband quickly try to explain.

So what happened was, that I was cleaning up in the kitchen, while putting something away I spilled a bunch of dried herbs all over the place. My...

I spilled some acid on my aluminum fork and it dissolved…

…but I didn’t mean to! It was an oxidant!

7 thousand gallons of gin have spilled on the highway.

Now every lane is the sloe lane.

Have your ever spilled your breakfast on your pants?

It's pure egg-on-knee

Elder couple decided to have a meal in a restaurant together

While eating soup, wife spill some and get her blouse dirty. She says to her husband:
- Look at me. I look like a pig.
- Yes, and you also spilled some soup on yourself.

I spilled my drink on the first guitar I ever had.

I was about to throw it out, but there's a lot of water under the bridge.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Accidently spilled vanishing cream on my gerbil Lenny, and thus immediately took him to our vet

Bastard said he couldn't see him right now.

I spilled laundry detergent all over myself and the basket of clothes I was carrying. There was nothing I could do.

My hands were tide.

One time I tripped and spilled my drink on someone in the middle of a joke they were telling.

I never heard the end of it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As an airplane is taking off and is gaining altitude, the pilot comes on the intercom:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain speaking. Thank you for choosing American Airlines. We are on our way to Miami and will reach cruisi..... FUCKING SHIT!! GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!"

For a moment, there as an eerie silence in the cabin. Then the pilot comes back on: "I ...

I spilled coffee all over my Macbook...

...now it won't go to sleep.

An 18-wheeler spilled a load of strawberry preserves on the interstate today

It was a real traffic jam

Snow White once spilled Sprite on herself

So she started changing in front of the dwarves, then they had 7 up

What did the pope say when he spilled the sacramental wine?

Do we have any papal towels?

I spilled all of my peroxynitrite in the middle of an experiment

I was like : " ONOO^- "

Earlier today, my friend was in the kitchen and spilled hot queso all over her feet.

Guess she had Tostitos.

Today morning, I spilled tea on my shirt

It became a T-shirt

I accidentally spilled my coffee on an Indian friend's dress

I told her I'm sari.

Did you hear about the chef who spilled his herbs on the floor?

Cleaning it up was a massive waste of thyme.

My wife called me an alcoholic, and I was so taken aback I spilled my drink...

But I was able to wring out the placemat back into the glass, so everything's ok!

My teacher took off points when I spilled my juice on my Calculus homework...

... Apparently, I shouldn't drink and derive.

I accidentally spilled my bottle of rum on the floor.

I was let down because I thought I'd be the one getting wasted.

A spill

While doing a lab experiment I was listening to music by a band who's bassist was a known drug abuser. During his solo, I slipped on some spilled vinegar & lost my grip on a beaker full of sodium hydroxide.
Looks like while he was tripping on acid dropping the bass, I was tripping on acid dro...

I guess aliens don't exist, I'm pretty sure Trump would've spilled the beans, unless he's keeping them secret until next election...

... so he can run on the campaign of "building a roof to keep America safe from aliens."

My roommate seemed like he was in denial when I told him I spilled all his protein powder...

...he just kept saying "no whey, no whey"

I spilled spot remover on my dog...

now he's gone

Partied so hard last night I spilled Kool-Aide on my cocaine

Punchline

When I was young, I slipped on some spilled beans and broke my spine, paralysing myself...

Oh what I'd have done with Heinzsight.

What do you call a hispanic man who spilled his nachos?

A messycan

I was at a café when a Frenchman spilled water on himself.

It was a pretty l'eau point in his life.

(L'eau is French for water)

Earlier today at a coffee shop, I spilled my drink all over the paper I was working on.

The barista looked over and said, "Well, essay chai tea happens."

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