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Gushing Jokes

What do you call a gushing keyboard?

sqwerty

What has two legs and is gushing blood?

Half a cat

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jewish Mom buys a new apartment

She calls her son once she is moved in and is gushing about what a nice place she has and invites him to come see it.

Of course he agrees so she starts giving him directions on how to get there.

"Once you park, head straight through the courtyard and you'll see a buzzer for the apartm...

My fried just got engaged to her boyfriend, Peter, and was gushing about how in love she is. Obviously the first thing out of my mouth was "oh, so you're a massive Peterphile!" Apparently that was "inappropriate" and now she's annoyed with me.

This is actually a true story, so hope it's okay that it's not in a standard joke format.

A hunting joke ( read full it's totally worth it)

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.  As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an American are captured by cannibals.

The leader says "we are going to kill you and then use your skin to line our canoes. But you can choose how you die."

The Englishmen asks for a pistol and says "long live the queen!" before shooting himself in the head.

The Frenchman asks for poison and says "viva la France" before dri...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A porn website reviewer finally found a website he can give a 10/10 rating

Since then, he's been gushing with enthusiasm.

India

A young train driver was on his first professional train journey. He had topped his batch and was well versed with all his training so he was confident.

On his first run, there was an accident and the train was derailed. It was gushing through the fields when the passengers quickly pulled the...

A Scotsman, an Englishman and a Frenchman are walking through the jungle...

They’re very tired, and they decide to take a shortcut across a nearby river to quickly reach their camp.

As they cross the river, a tribe of savages charge out of the trees and surround them. The tribe Chief steps forward and says

“This river sacred ground... you trespass on sacred ...

Caught by a local tribe.

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now we've caught you and we're going to kill you. We will put you in a pot, cook you, eat you and then we're going to use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that...

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Dave is playing poker at friends house with a group of mates.

As the game progresses, the urge to unload his bowels becomes overwhelming. Deciding he can't hold on any longer, he runs to the toilet, mid hand, to take a dump.

After unloading a poop King Kong would be proud of, he flushes the toilet, it won't stop going! Filthy poo water starts pouring o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men called Shit, Fuck-you and Manners are walking down the street...

Shit sees a pound in the middle of the road and runs out to grab it, as he does so, he gets hit by a car, the car doesn't stop.

Fuck-you and Manners start panicking, but eventually Manners calms down enough to tell Fuck-you to run and find some help, so Fuck-you runs off to find help while Ma...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once I summoned the Devil to grant my every wish.

The Devil appeared in my summoning circle, pitchfork in hand, horns on his head and a smirk on his face. 'Alright, mortal, I'll grant you three, but no more 'til the usual fee!'

As planned, I immediately shouted, 'I wish for 900 more!'

'No can do, unless you're willing to cough up!'...

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