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Spelling Jokes

One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage

I accidentally texted my wife “I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her.”
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An old man was contacted by the IRS for some suspicious income... [Quick repost due to spelling error in original]

The old man arrives to his appointment with the IRS representative with his lawyer.

The rep asks how he accumulated so much money without working a job or owning investments.

The old man responds: "I make all my money placing bets"

Rep: "What kind of bets do you make?"

Ol...

I asked someone because I wasn't sure whether the correct spelling was humor or humour.

"Sounds like a *you* problem," I was told.
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I got zero out of ten on my last spelling quiz

But my teacher gave me an 'A' for Affort
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You hear about the kid who lost the spelling bee on the word "dairy"?

...I told him there's no use crying over misspelled milk.
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With the coronation of King Charles, there was discussion about orthographic modernization--shortening spelling of words like "colour" and "labour" but the UK government responded

Never gonna give "u" up
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A blonde is in a spelling competition.

Judge: Spell 'orange'.

Blonde: The fruit or the color?
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Some people don't take spelling seriously...

... but a 'd' is the only difference between being a lady and a laddy.
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English to become the official European language

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. 

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement an...
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What do you call someone who makes a spelling error AFTER editing their comment?...

An Ediot!
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Spelling bee judge: "Your word is 'seaward'."

Contestant: "C-U-N..."

Judge: "DEAR GOD PLEASE STOP."
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Monastery Spelling Mistake

A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying copies, and not the original books.

So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there was an error i...

I hate making spelling mistakes.

You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined.
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Because of a spelling error, beer will no longer be served in Hell.



When they redid the sign over the gates they made it say "Abandon all hops, ye who enter here."
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It’s down to the final two at a championship spelling bee.

The contestant gets up to the microphone and the judge tells him the word is “walk.”

Confused, the contestant asks for a definition.

“To move about or travel on foot for exercise or pleasure.”

The contestant asks for a sentence to confirm what could be his final word was reall...

A guy makes spelling errors so often it's in his blood.

He's typo.
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I've always found spelling bees easy

B E E S. Simple.
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How has the Russian government started spelling Ukraine?

A-f-g-h-a-n-i-s-t-a-n.
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TIL why Americans removed the letter U from the British spelling of words like humour and colour.

Because Fuck U, that's why.

Spelling

Guy: "How do you spell nihilism?" Nihilist: "It doesn't matter."
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Sorry for the spelling/grammer mistakes

My first language is English.
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An Etymologist and an Entomologist enter a spelling bee..

..into a spelling bee
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What do you call someone bad at spelling?

A muggle.
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My favourite joke to perform. Terrible accent recommended.

Pierre, zee French fighter pilot is with his amour.

"Oh, Pierre, I want you to kiss me", she exclaims.

And so he tilts her chin up and leans in, but just before he plants a kiss on her lips, he pours a little red wine on them, and then goes in for the kiss.

"Oh, Pierre, mon di...

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My wife said to me "You're shagging that girl from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllwyrndrobwyllllantisiliogogogoch, aren't you?"

I said "How could you say such a thing?"



(To whoever reposts this: the correct spelling is actually *Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch*)

Why doth Abraham not bringeth his grain to the spelling bee?

For it was already spelt.
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What’s the difference between Harry Potter and a spelling bee contestant?

One conjures spells and the other spells conjure.
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A class comes in from recess and is given a spelling test.

"Jimmy, what did you do during recess" asks the teacher. "I played in the sandbox with Sally" says Jimmy. "That's great! If you can spell 'sand' on the board, you get a cookie!" Jimmy does and gets his reward.

"Sally, what did you do during recess?" "I played in the sand box with Jimmy!" "Wo...
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Spelling

The teacher announced that to practice spelling, each member of the class would say what their fathers did for a living and then spell the occupation.

Mary went first. "My Dad is a baker, b-a-k-e-r, and if he were here, he would give everyone a cookie."

Next came Tommy. "My d...
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Jesus, Chuck Norris and the Pope are sitting in a boat in the middle of a lake.

They decide to get to the shore, so Jesus leaves the boat first and walks over the water to the shore.

Chuck Norris leaves second and also walks over the water to the shore.

The Pope, being baffled, also tries to take a step out of the boat but immediately falls in, so he has to swim t...
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Little Johnny made it to the final round of the spelling bee.

Proctor: Spell there

Johnny: Can you use it in a sentence?

Proctor: They're having trouble finding their tickets to board that train over there.

Johnny: Can you give me the definition?
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If you're ever struggling to remember the spelling...

Santa wraps, Eminem raps, Brock Turner...
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Spelling matters!

I was waiting on a Zoom call to start, but client was having technical issues. The client texted and said, "please bare with me." Thought it was an odd request, but he's the client.

Eventually we got the video to work, but now I'm fired.
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A guy is constantly suffering from terrible headaches...

A guy is constantly suffering from terrible headaches. He goes to a bunch of doctors, runs any test imaginable, and no one can figure out why. One day a doctor tells him- “I think we figured out a solution, but you’re not going to like it. If we cut off your balls, the constant headache will stop”. ...

Why did the spelling bee champion go to the doctor?

Irregular vowel movements
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I got an e-mail from a buddy of mine. He always has trouble spelling certain words. He said he quit his job at the glue factory. Upper management wanted everyone to put out 2,500 tubes per hour

I guess he's not the type to work in a fast paste environment.
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Spelling bees always confuse me.

My word was "knot"

I asked if it was "not" spelled with a "K"

My teacher said "Yes it's knot spelled with a k"

I ended up losing
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Italian spelling

Bus stops and 2 Italian men get on.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
An old lady who is sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:
“Emma come first. Den I come. Den two a$ses come together. I...
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What does a stripper do to her asshole before going to work?

Drops him off at band practice.

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Spelling cunts.

*counts.

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Some say I’m a grammar Nazi, but I’m really more of a sticker for spelling

Damnit Otto! Correct!

I get so angry with all the spelling errors on Reddit

I feel like people are defiantly doing it on purpose just to mess with me
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Spelling Mistakes

I accidentally made a spelling mistake on my work. I found this out when I get screamed at for it. It is a fairly small mistake, so I don't understand why she is so upset!

Jeez, I'm a tattoo artist, not an english teacher. Calm down, we all make mistakes.
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A girl is walking through a cemetery at night

She’s a little nervous because it’s dark, but it’s the shortest way to get to her home.

Suddenly she hears a distinct tapping noise from the graves on her left. Her heart almost stops as she pauses mid-step. She hears it again - tap, tap, tap.

She screams and starts running down the ...
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Thomas finally gave up on his dream of being a champion after always vomiting at the National Spelling Bee

He’d always be known as an expeller now.
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Donald Trump

Donald Trump has labelled Hillary Clinton "disgusting" for taking a bathroom break during the debate. Trump himself never has to go to the bathroom, as the shit just comes straight out of his mouth.

 

Edit: Thanks to everyone that found this joke funny. To all those I offended...

Webster's dictionary recently changed the spelling of Aquarius to "Ahquarius."

This is the donning of the "h" of Ahquarius.
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(OC) Why don’t Canadians participate in international spelling bees?

Because the judges say they use too many letters, eh?

What did the steak tell his son after he won the spelling bee?

Well-done
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What did the dyslexic kid get after being forced to compete in the spelling bee?

ABCPTSD
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First grade teacher: John, how did you manage to stop having spelling errors in your homework this week?

John: My mom is out of town.
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If you’re genetically predisposed to spelling and grammar errors, does that mean you’re…

…typo positive?
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An Irishman and an Englishman walk in to a bakery

The Englishman steals 3 buns and puts them into his pockets. He says to the Irishman, "That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn't even see me."

The Irishman replies, "That's just simple thievery. I'll show you how to do it the honest way and get the same results."...
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My friend said I was bad at spelling. I disagreed, so he challenged me to a spelling bee.

I excepted.
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As a writer, my vocabulary is excellent, but my spelling is lacking...

... I thought as I gazed at the squiggly red line beneath the word solemly.
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Who lies about their names spelling every time they introduce themselves?

Noel
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Joe the dyslexic cop gets pulled into the captain's office...

Joe the dyslexic cop gets pulled into the captain's office, where he is read the riot act. The captain says, "You're a good cop, but these reports just aren't going to cut it anymore, Joe! They're practically illegible! The next report, if there's even one word misspelled on it, you are going on sus...
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I don't get what is so amazing about Spelling Bees

Bees B-E-E-S Bees
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How do you get better at spelling?

Practiss, practise, practice.
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If you ever have trouble spelling the word "Christmas" this holiday season, just remember:

There's Noël.
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Spelling bee

A Nebraska Huskers fan was in the finals of the state spelling bee.


"Okay, your word is 'farm,'" the moderator said to the Husker.


He sat there for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face. "Um... Can I have a definition?"


"Sure," the moderator said. "It is a...
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I’m really good at spelling bees

It’s all the other words I have trouble with
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If you think you have a grammar or spelling mistake, simply post it to Reddit and you’ll know within seconds if you made one or many.

Make sure you write "sorry for grammar mistakes English is not my first language"
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Found out my teacher never finished scoring my spelling test.

I will make her do it.

Mark my words.
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What’s the problem with the current spelling of Christmas?

There’s Noel
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Breaking: Spelling Bee Official Pronounced Dead.

He then used it in a sentence.
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Mrs. Jones was giving a spelling test to her third grade class...

“How do you spell the word ‘straight’?” asked Mrs. Jones.

Little Johnny shouts, “S-T-R-A-I-G-H-T!!”

“Excellent job Johnny! And what does that word mean?”

“Without ice.”

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The smallest penis

*John: insert name of person you tell the joke to.

So three guys sits at a bar.

First one goes - “I have the smallest feet in the world!” The other guys take a look at his feet and acknowledges his statement - “sure your feet must be the smallest in the world!”

Second guy then...

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A group of primary school students were participating in a local spelling bee.

A keen young boy steps before the judges and is told, "Your word is spider."

Not quite sure as to how to spell it, the boy asks, "Could you please use it in a sentence?"

A judge replies, "A spider has eight eyes."

The boy then states, "S-P-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-D-E-R."

George W. Bush, Clarence Thomas, Bill Clinton, Donald Trump, and Brett Kavanaugh all competed in a spelling bee...

Surprisingly, George W. Bush won.



He was the only contestant to spell "harass" as one word.
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Spelling is very important.

It's the difference between "trust in me" and "thrust in me".
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I am more and more concerned about my dyslexic friend. His spelling of my name is worse than ever, B-R-A-I-N...

My name is Steve.
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Spelling test

My daughter had a spelling test and asked me what does context mean. I asked her how is it being used?
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Why was the spelling bee cancelled?

One of the participants spelled disaster.

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During debates, when my opponents said a word that had different meanings based on its spelling, I would take advantage of it and use the word's other meaning to attack them personally.

It was an ad homonym.

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A man was admitted to the hospital with 12 toy horses up his but

Doctors have described his condition as stable

(Edit): yeah I screwed up the spelling, it’s supposed to say butt

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So my daughter was just doing her spelling words

So my daughter was just doing her spelling words and she spelt ‘country’ as ‘cunt tree’ , and I thought to myself ‘gee, I wish I had one of those’.

This isn’t a joke, it actually just happened, but thought you’d get a laugh out of it.

The Pope is saddend that he never sees much of the countries he visits and decides it's time for a change

After a visit to Berlin, the Pope decides he wants to travel to Rome by car. Off course, he didn't bring a car and so the German government seizes the opportunity to impress him with German engineering. They lend him the most powerful car they have available, with a German driver/bodyguard. And off ...
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A rich old man goes golfing with his friends

And he brings along a gorgeous young lady.

"Well guys, meet my new fiancée" he says, full of pride. And for the rest of the afternoon the friends can't take their eyes off the beauty.

After the round of golf the rich man goes up to the bar to order drinks for the group. One of his frie...
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Big Burly Biker walks into a bar

He sees this tiny nerdy looking guy staring at his filled drink and decides he wants to mess with him. The Biker walks over takes the glass and slams the drink in one swig. At this the nerdy guy just starts bawling like a baby.


The Biker filled with remorse tells him to calm down an...
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I was so upset - I lost the spelling bee when I couldn't spell "Armageddon"

But my friend said "don't worry, it's not the end if the world!"
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A man was having an affair with a married woman.

The man had a romantic evening at her place and were about to have sex. Suddenly there is a knock at the door.

The woman tells the man “My husband is here. Collect your clothes and get out from the window.”

The man did not have time to get dressed and he is naked outside on the road an...

The Little Rascals do some spelling

The Little Rascals are sitting in class one day when the teacher decides it's time to do some spelling. She says "okay students it's time to spell our word of the day. Today's word is DICTATE. Who thinks they can spell it?"
Spanky, being the leader that he is, raises his hand first "I can te...
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