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My house was robbed last night. The burglars took everything except my soap, shower gel, towels, toothpaste, and mouthwash.

Those dirty bastards.

My dentist said mouthwash was good for me

So I went home and drank the whole bottle




So far I have only posted OC that I thought of in this sub, I want to keep that going. If this is a repost, please reply as so and I will take it down.

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After an amazing 69 with his girlfriend, Mark remembered he had a dentist appointment.

He was afraid that the dentist would smell pussy on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times and on top of that 2 liters of mouthwash.As he arrived at the dentist he chewed 5 strong mints too.The dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident & relaxed he opened his mouth wide.The dentist ...

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Having had extremely bad breath for most of his adult life, and having tried every possible over the counter mouthwash and toothpaste, Larry finally decides to go see a Doctor.

The Doctor examines Larry, takes samples of his saliva, tooth plaque and does a tongue swab. He asks Larry to return Tuesday for the test results.

Tuesday Larry is sitting in the Doctor's office, hopeful for a cure.

"Larry", says the Doc, "Your breath could knock a buzzard off a shit ...

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On this bottle of mouthwash it said "Five times longer lasting"

So I rubbed some on my cock and gave the wife the best 60 seconds of her life.

What comes after 69?

Mouthwash

A man was riding on the bus and reading and article about life and death statistics. Fascinated he turns to the fellow sitting next to him and says "did you know that everytime I breathe somebody's dies?"

The fellow turns to him and says "have you tried mouthwash?"

What do mouthwash and 70 have in common?

They both come after 69

What do you call a statue holding some Mouthwash?

A gargoyle!

What's Helen Keller's favorite mouthwash?

Jergen's lotion.

What do you call a mouthwash for tiny scientists?

Microscope

Counting Numbers at School

Teacher: Billy said our last number was 69, Sally what comes after 69.........
Sally: Mouthwash

Best Salesman of the year

At a sales conference, one of the awards went to Matthew for best salesman. He’d sold a record quantity of mouthwash. After he’d been presented with his award, he was asked for the secret of his success.

“Oh it’s simple really,” said Matthew. “I set up a mobile stall during rush-hour and give...

A man goes to the dentist for his six-month exam.

The man tells the dentist, “My teeth are great. I never use mouthwash, rarely brush my teeth, never floss, never use a breath mint, and eat onions and garlic with just about every meal. I also never have bad breath.” The dentist agrees his teeth are decent, but he will need an operation.


...

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NSFW A Trip to the Dentist

A man takes his girlfriend to his house to have some alone time. A few minutes into the Netflix and chill, things start to heat up. The man and his girlfriend start off with a little foreplay but it quickly escalates to a lot of 69.
After they finish their business the man tells his girlfriend t...

My math teacher asked me in class today "What comes after 69"?

Apparently mouthwash isn't the answer.

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New weights and measures

1. The ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton

3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

5. Weight an evangelist carries with Go...

An Excellent Vintage.

A drunk walk into a drugstore and asks for a bottle of mouthwash.

"I’m not selling you that," says the druggist. "You’ll drink it for the alcohol and get sick outside my door!"

"Not true!" insists the drunk. "I have my first date in over a year, and I want to make a good impression."...

A first grade teacher asks her students, "What comes after 69?"

One student responds, "Mouthwash"

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Old man goes to the dentist.......

Old man goes to the dentist for his annual checkup. Not even a minute into it, the dentist suddenly stops and asks him.
-Sorry, but I have to ask you this. Did you do a 69 last night?
The old man is amazed!!
-Doc, how did you know? The old lady was kind randy, but I flossed, brushed my teet...

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Alternate meanings

From The Washington Post

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.


2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.


3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.


4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanati...

A teacher and her student practice counting

Teacher: OK now, 61,62,63,64,65,66,67,68,69...what comes after 69?
Student: Mouthwash
That student was sent home

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A verse of unit puns

The Units Verse
by Kevin Ahern

Two thousand pounds of Chinese soup
Will make a restaurant run

In Beijing, China order it
In units of Won ton


Religious leaders measure clout
From Nome to Amsterdam

By how much clout they have with God
The units - billi-gr...

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