UPJOKE
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a lathered-up mob ...

a mob gathered outside the soapmaker's cottage accusing, "those barrels in your cellar, we know what they are, we know what you've been up to - those barrels contain fats rendered from our missing townsfolk you've been murdering all these years!" Β 

the soapmaker protested, "those are lyes, th...

A programmer got stuck in the shower because...

The instructions on the shampoo bottle said-
"Lather, Rinse, Repeat."

What do you call someone lathering in the shower and singing along to Classical Music?

A soap opera

A man goes to a barber for a shave

While the barber is lathering him up, the man admits to having a hard time getting a close shave on his cheeks.


''Here, try this'', says the barber, pulling a small wooden ball from a drawer. '' Place the ball between your right cheek and gum and I'll show you how close a shave can be.''...

what are you doing after this?

A few decades ago, a man walked into a barber shop and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine, please."



As it was in those days, the barber lathers his face and sharpens the straight edge.

However, instead of the usual child or assistant, a gorgeous woman kneels down and shi...

Why did the blonde go through a hole bottle of shampoo while taking a shower?

The directions said lather,rinse,repeat.

A woman moves in with her balding programmer boyfriend

A woman moves in with her balding programmer boyfriend and immediately gets concerned about his nighttime routine. Every night he takes a 2 hour shower and goes to bed complaining that his arms hurt. She also noticed that he has an entire closet full of shampoo. After a few weeks she can't take it a...

A blonde is throwing out an entire trash bag of empty shampoo bottles.

Her neighbor approaches her and says, "wow. that's a lot of shampoo bottles." She says, "of course! I go through one bottle a day. Just following directions." The neighbor, perplexed, says, "what do you mean? Following directions?" The blonde says, "well it says to 'Rinse, Lather, And Repeat' but it...

Eminem needs to release an aftershave and shower gel gift set for Christmas

Eminessence and Marshal Lathers.

My favorite musician pun

||: lather, rinse :||

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

A priest lived in a church with three nuns...

One evening the priest decided that he wanted to take a bath. He went to the washroom, filled the tub with water, and then undressed before he realized that he forgot to bring his soap.
He wraps himself in a towel around his waist and goes back to his room to retrieve his soap, grabbing an extr...

A programmer was found dead in the shower this morning ...

Next to him was found a shampoo bottle marked 'Lather, Rinse, Repeat'.

A one-armed man goes to the barber,

he wants a shave; the barber takes out the blade, lather ups the chin, starts to shave, and nicks the customer. He apologies, starts on the other side, nicks the other cheek to; he mumbles an apology again, continues to the neck, nicks the guy again. Tired of apologizing, he tries to make small talk...

I couldn't tell if I brushed my teeth with tooth paste or shamoo last night

I hope it was the former, not the lather.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN:

Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans, fix, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe, humor, placate, stimulate, jiffylube, stroke, console, purr, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to,...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Three Apple Engineers are using the restroom...

The first man finishes up and begins washing his hands in the sink. He soaps up both his hands and arms and thoroughly washes all the way up to his elbows not missing a spot. He then proceeds to use half a roll of paper towels to dry up and announces to the others in the restroom,

"I graduat...

A Man With One Wish

There was once a man named Benny. Benny was old, tired, and most of all sad. He had no friends, no family, and worked the worst job. The only thing he ever looked forward to was seeing his beautiful neighbor on his way home from work, Jenny.

One day after coming home from work he say a stran...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

His Native American girlfriend was really shy...

...so, when she came to visit him at college, he hid her away in a hotel pretty far away from his school. He knew how crude his schoolmates could be and it wouldn't do for her to be exposed to such filth as these cretins would be likely to subject her to.

The whole week that she visited, she ...

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