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Sneezes Jokes

Pretty women sneezes

At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table. Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her. "This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops her...

Stalin is giving a speech, and someone sneezes.

Stalin looks up from his notes and says, "Who sneezed?" No-one says anything.

Stalin has the first row taken away by KGB to be shot. "Who sneezed?" he asks again. No-one says anything. He has the second row of the audience taken away by the KGB to be shot.

"Comrade Stalin, I sneezed!"...

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What does a nazi say when someone sneezes?

WHERE?

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A lady sneezes on a plane

The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading.
A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.
Assuming that the woman mi...

Which Pokémon does the best sneezes?

Pikachu

A man sneezes in a confessional.

Priest: ...

Man: "bless me father for I have sneezed"

Priest: \*trying not to chuckle\*

Man: \*tries to explain he didn't know he was sick\* ... "it has been 6 weeks since my last congestion"

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A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.

'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' sh...

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Stalin is giving a big public speech...

... and someone sneezes. Stalin says, "Who sneezed?" Nobody says anything. He looks at a couple of his goons and jerks his head towards the audience. They go pull some random guy out of the crowd and shoot him. Stalin again asks who sneezed. This meek little guy that sneezed can't take it, and steps...

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A man sneezes on a plane

A man sneezes on a plane. He takes his dick out and wipes it non-chalantly before putting it away and goes back to reading his book. His female seatmate notices but doesn't want to say anything

5 minutes later he sneezes once more. Again, he pulls his dick out, wipes it clean and puts it back...

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Someone from the nazi army sneezes...

Thus breaking the command of staying still Hitler yells "who sneezed?" Nobody talks, so he executes the first row. Again he yells "who sneezed?", nobody talks so he executes the second row, he goes to the third row and yells "who sneezed?" A man from the third row knows he's gonna get executed anywa...

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A Woman has an orgasm everytime she sneezes.

Her friend is worried and asks,
"What do you take for it?"
She says,
"Pepper."

What happens when Darth Vader sneezes?

George Lucas yells "Cut!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and a woman are sitting beside each other on an aeroplane.

The woman sneezes and right after she is done she shudders and moans.

The man asks,"Are you alright? Because the sneezing seems normal but the shuddering and shivers... Not very much."

The woman replies,"Oh yeah, I have this rare condition where I orgasm every time sneeze."

\-"T...

What does a redditor say when someone sneezes on him

Edit: thank you for the cold kind stranger!

Communist party gathers, main speaker is Stalin. Someone sneezes.

Stalin: Comrades, who sneezed?

Silence.

Stalin: I ask again, comrades, who sneezed?

Silence intensifies.

Stalin: Shoot down first row!

Guards spray the first row with bullets.

Stalin: Comrades, i ask AGAIN, who sneezed?

Dead silence.

Stalin: Sh...

What's made of leather and sounds like two sneezes?

A shoe!

One that's thrown atchoo!

What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?

Cashew.

A man who sneezes without a tissue

takes matter into his own hands.

Someone sneezes during Stalin's speech.

Stalin reads his report to the Party Congress. Suddenly someone sneezes.
"Who sneezed?"
Silence.
"First row! On your feet! Shoot them!" They are shot, and he asks again, "Who sneezed, Comrades?"
No answer.
"Second row! On your feet! Shoot them!" They are shot too.
"Well, who s...

What happens when a cop sneezes in bed?

They blow their cover

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sneezes just went from bless you to fuck you real quick.

Achoo.

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A joke my russian friend told...

So stalin was giving a speech to a few hundred thousand soldiers... One soldier then sneezes in the middle of stalin's speech. Stalin stops, looks around and asks: "who sneezed?" there was no answer.... he asks again and sure enough no one answered - Stalin is now pissed, he doesn't like being ignor...

A funeral home owner has COVID and sneezes on everyone he sees.

Me: What the hell are you doing?!

Owner: Marketing

What do you say when a kazoo sneezes?

Kazoontite

(My 9yo came up with this)

What’s the collective noun for sneezes?

A choo.

How many sneezes does a person experience in a day?

A-Few!

Sneeze , cough

After 2019-

Someone sneezes.
Me: "Bless you".

Someone coughs.
Me: "Bless me".

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Someone sneezes during a communist party meeting.

Stalin jumps up and shouts "Who just sneezed?" But nobody answers him, as the party members know his wrath and quickness to act all to well.

Soon Stalin pulls out his pistol and takes a shot, killing a random party member instantly. "Who sneezed, damn you all!" Yet still there is no answer...

A group of satanists have a meeting when one sneezes.

Then it got really awkward when someone said "God bless you."

A lawyer and a priest are walking down the street, when the lawyer sneezes. "Bless you", says the priest.

The lawyer promptly burst into flames.

What do you say when God sneezes?

Go bless yourself.

What do you call a student who sneezes in a class full of unvaccinated children?

A terrorist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Woman has an orgasm every time she sneezes..

When she tells he friend of her condition, they ask if she is going to see the doctor for it?. Woman says "no I'm trying a home remedy."

"Oh, what is that?"

"Pepper"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman sneezes on an airplane

A man sitting next to a woman on an airplane noticed that everytime she sneezed she had a big smile on her face. After several times he finally built the nerve to ask:
"Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice everytime you sneeze you smile. Why is that?"
"Well", she said, "everytime I sneeze I h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Strangers were sitting next to each other on airplane, getting ready to take off. While getting situated the woman sneezes, but as she does she also begins to

shudder immediately following the sneeze. The man sitting next to her extends a kind "bless you." She says thanks and they continue waiting until she sneezes again, and again she shudders and moans a little, saying "I'm sorry if I'm disturbing you." This throws the man for a loop, saying "sneezin...

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