Did you hear about that fancy, new, lightweight mucus that scientists discovered?

It’s rather phlegm-buoyant!

A man goes to the doctor.

He tells the doctor he's been hearing strange buzzing noises all week. The sounds come and go at all times of day, but they have been most intense at night. Sometimes there are multiple distinct buzzes at a time, at different frequencies. The patient says he has hardly slept for the past week becaus...

TIL the scientific name for mucus in your nose is nasal ejaculent

No it's snot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men were working on a beef ranch together

Their names are Ron and Mitch. They’re sitting down on a bench after working a few hours and Mitch has been chewing the whole day and he has a cup that he’s been spitting in, the cup is full to the brim with spit and mucus and saliva and he looks over to Ron and says “I’ll give you 20 bucks if you d...

I made fun of an art college student with drool hanging off his face...

He decided to draw my caricature and had passers by vandalise it with mucus to teach me a lesson.

It was the spitting image of me.

*Pollen accidentally enters body*

Immune system: What the hell is that?

Pollen: Oh hey. Sorry. We got a bit lost. The wind kinda bl-

Immune system: OH GOD WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!

Pollen: What?! No! We just got lo-

Immune system: OPEN THE FLOODGATES!

Pollen: The what?

Mucus membranes: Sir. All th...

Imagine being in Walmart during the zombie apocalypse

On one side are lumbering, fat things with mucus coming out there nose dragging themselves across the ground and on the other side are zombies

Two homeless men, Bob and Tom, are walking down the street.

They pass a restaurant that is packed with people hungry during lunch hour.

Bob pulls a $2 bill out of his pocket. He has a nasty sense of humor, so he says to Tom, "I'll make you a deal. If you can make those hungry people push their plates away, I'll give you this $2."

Tom accepts. ...

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