UPJOKE
laughyaklaughtergigglesmirkgrimacechatteryacktalkutteryakety-yakticklechuckleguffawsnicker

Cackling Jokes

My aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."

They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Two Canadians die and go to hell.

Satan puts them in their own cell and turns up the heat to 49C, figuring that’s a good temperature to start newcomers. He comes back a while later to find the Canadians shirtless but smiling.

“It never gets this warm in Canada we’re enjoying while it lasts.” One of them explains when a mystif...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man dies and goes to hell..

When he reaches hell he is stopped by the Devil. The devil tells him that, because this man was such a sonofabitch, and the Devil was genuinely impressed by his sonofabitchery, he would let the man choose what his punishment would be for the rest of eternity. The Devil leads the man to the dungeon...

A humpback and a peg leg are having drinks in a bar.

When they are quite drunk and the bar closes, they go their ways home and the humpback decides to take the short route through the graveyard. Suddenly a little gnome jumps him, cackling “What is that on your back!?” The man replies “Oh, that’s my hump.”
“Give it to me!” the gnome snarls and he ma...

A group of prisoners pass the time telling jokes to each other.

Unfortunately their repertoire is limited and they soon know them all by heart; indeed they even start referring to their jokes by number. One prisoner says: "Do you remember number thirteen?" And everyone chuckles. Another says, "That reminds me of joke number six!" Again everyone laughs. "Or numbe...

The new supermarket

A new supermarket just opened up nearby.

It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.
Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and
smell fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and there is
the scent of freshly mowed h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two brothers Matt and John go camping in the woods

When they arrive where they want to camp, they make dinner, have a few beers, but realize they forgot one of their two one-person tents at home. They decide to play rock/paper/scissors to see who gets to sleep in the tent and who has to sleep outside. Matt wins and so they both climb in their sleepi...

A little boy asks a middle-aged gentleman for the time

The gentleman looks at his watch and says, "It's ten minutes to three." The boy says, "Well, at 3:00, you can kiss my ass!" He sprints off, cackling maniacally, as the gentleman starts chasing him angrily.

They round a corner and the gentleman almost knocks over a passerby. After the gen...

A Ukranian farmer was out plowing his field when his plow hit a shiny object.

A Ukranian farmer was out plowing his field when his plow hit a shiny object. The farmer stops, picks up the object, and realizes that it's a tarnished lamp. As he's rubbing his hands across it to clear away the dust and dirt, a genie appears. The genie says "Thank you Mr. Farmer for releasing me...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The S’wan (long)

A burly sailor gets brought into an infirmary staffed by a bunch of postulate nuns, girls barely 18 preparing to become full nuns, and of course, run by a few gruff sisters.

Being good Catholics in a small Newfoundland seaside town, such oddities rarely found their way to their front door. T...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer has 1000 chickens.

He keeps them all in a large barn behind his house. He makes a comfortable living from selling their eggs. One day, however, the chickens' egg production drops off sharply. Days and weeks go by, and the chickens continue to lay fewer and fewer eggs. Worried for his livelihood, the farmer makes a num...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy goes into an old Chinese Curiosity Shop in New York. Looking at all the strange, and unique items, he spots a large stuffed rat...

... It being very large and strange, the gentleman decides that it would be a great conversation starter for his office.

He approaches the old Chinese man behind the counter and pays for the large stuffed rat, but as he is leaving he swears he can hear the old Chinese man cackling behind...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Irishman, a Frenchman, and an Afghani man are riding around the world in a balloon...

When they are over Ireland, the Irish man picks up an enormous bag of potatoes and says ‘I’m giving my country this bag of potatoes, in hopes that some hungry souls can find happiness from full bellies.’ He tossed the bag of potatoes over the edge of the balloon's basket.

The Frenchman and th...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.