What do you call the last episode of a show about allergies?

A sneezon finale.

Any food allergies in the Audience?

Because this is gonna get a little Corny, and a little Nutty….

Allergies

Did you know, allergies are your immune system treating a harmless substance as a big threat? To put it another way, it's in my DNA to be overly dramatic about things.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call an arachnid that constantly complains about its allergies?

Itchy bitchy spider

A reminder to all people with allergies at this time of year

Technically pollen is plant sperm.

So you don't have allergies you have an STD you got from a plant.

Which US state has allergies?

Massachusetts

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After yet another allergy surfaced, I decided to divorce my wife -

Most of her allergies where tolerable, but her nut allergy ruined our sex life.

I really wish I could diminish my allergies..

Like, punch a hole right through them. Alas, I don’t have any experience putting holes in things.

If only I had Benadryl.

My allergies are acting up and...

The pollen is so bad this year that the trailer park people are changing crystal meth back into Sudafed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A survey said that people that sleep with their pets get less allergies and helps the immune system and they live longer.

Bullshit... I tried sleeping with my goldfish and nearly drowned.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate it when allergies make my ear canal itch

Its ear-itating

My allergies had me sneezing all day

Feeling blessed

Teacher: "Does anybody have any food allergies"

Carl: "Pollen"



Teacher: "Well, you don't eat pollen, do you?"



Carl: "No ma'am, I'm allergic"

What did the Frenchman with bad allergies say when he had to leave the dinner party?

My sincerest apologies but I bid you all ACHOO.

My doc prescibed me an RX for my poison ivy and oak allergies.

I got 99 problems but an itch aint one.

What type of chips suffer from allergies?

Nachoos

What's up with peanut allergies?

Not that kid's blood pressure

Conor McGregor doesn't have seasonal allergies.

He just can't handle the Mayweather.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I read an article that said "there have been no reported glueten allergies in the state of West Virginia"

I thought it was inbred?

What does a Muslim with allergies say?

Al-achoo Akbar.

What do snakes take to combat their allergies?

Anti-hissss-tamines!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Western Omelet

A retired man walks into his favorite diner after it just reopened from a long COVID-19 shuttering, eager to resume his daily routine of breakfast, coffee and reading the newspaper. A new waitress approaches greets him and explains that new contactless policy that eliminates the old plastic laminate...

Allergic to crying

I had to break up with my girlfriend because she cried too much and it set off my allergies.


Apparently I'm lachrymose intolerant.

I had a customer tonight with allergies [true story]

Rude Customer: Can you just make sure there's no nuts in my food? I can't eat nuts.
Me: Sure! My sister Anna can't eat nuts either. You might know her?
Customer: Oh?
Me: Anna-phallactic?
Customer: Oh.
Me: Just kidding, I don't have a sister.
Customer: Oh?
Me: She died. She ate s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A prince is hanging out with his best friend

Friend: So you want to break up with her?

Prince: Yeah, I have to.

Friend: Just because she is really shy, moody, dumb, has allergies, and has narcolepsy?

Prince: That is not what I said. I said she is fucking Bashful, Grumpy, Happy, Dopey, Sneezy, and Sleepy!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw my neighbour crying while mowing the lawn

So I went outside to talk to him. I said:

"Tom you're a great dude but you're such a crybaby sometimes. I know your wife left you but she was a bitch! I had a girl leave me because she was sick of my shit but you don't see me bawling my eyes out about it!"

He tried to reply but his eye...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man wins an online contest but enters the wrong email address to access the code.

He realizes that his account is on yahoo instead of gmail and now someone else has received the code to access the $5000 prize. He drives to his office disheartened and asks his secretary if he should just send an email to the account requesting the person to forward the code. Then his frustration i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Government Job

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.

Interviewer: “Do you have any allergies?”

Applicant: “Yes, I’m allergic to caffeine so I don’t drink coffee.”

Interviewer: “Ok. Are you a veteran?”

Applicant: “Yes, I was in Iraq for 3 years.”

Interviewer: “Ok,...

The first rule of Fight Club is...

Just try your best guys, and have fun. Also, when it’s your turn to bring snacks be mindful of others’ allergies.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friends say I’m funny so I figured I’d write a joke.

So I went to a proctologist (read: butt doctor) because I’d been having some long term constipation and I figured I’d better get a prostate check to punch two holes in my club card, it was a real problem as funny as it sounds. Anyway I get there and I’m waiting in this cold room when a dude in a doc...

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?

Allergies.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump visited the White House doctor...

**Trump:** I got a problem doc, my penis has turned orange!!

**Dr Jackson:** Sounds bad. I better take a look.

**Trump:** (drops his shorts) Bad enough my face is orange but if this gets out I'm sunk with the ladies....whaddaya think, doc?.

**Dr Jackson:** (takes a look) Yep,...

The power of predicting the future

Interviewer : What would you say are your st--

Guy : strengths? Making inferences from minimal data.

Interviewer : Okay, and your we--

Guy : Wheat Allergies? None whatsoever.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny knows his pills.

Miss Paula is going around the classroom asking if the students know what pills take for what ails them.

- Little Suzie, what do you take if you have a headache?

Well, miss Paula, my mommy gives me Tylenol when I have a headache.

- Good answer. James, what do you take if you hav...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is being interviewed for a government job...

The man interviewing asks, "have you ever been in any wars?"
The man applying says, "yes I was in Iraq"
The other then asks, "were you injured in any way?"
He replies, " yeah I was actually near the site of an explosion and the shrapnel hit me in the groin, I lost both my testicles."
T...

Nobody is more blessed

Then the popes altar boy with allergies

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.