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Coughing Jokes

A doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a laxative instead of a coughing syrup.

Three days later the patient comes for a check-up and the doctor asks: "Well? Are you still coughing?" The patient replies: "No, I am afraid to."

I caught a really bad case of the flu in Madrid.

Whilst sniffling and coughing and rolling around in the hotel bed, I realised I needed medical attention, so I called the concierge to get help.

"Oh, so you're sick!" came the reply. "Not a problem, we'll send our very own hotel doctor up to your room right away!"

The doctor strolled i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nowadays, coughing is like masturbation

Thanks to covid, you better do that shit in the privacy of your own home

What does a redditor say when someone is coughing at him in the bus?

"Thanks for the cold, kind stranger."

Cure for coughing

John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted. Bob, the owner, had had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.

Just then a man came in coughing and he asked John for their best ...

Why was Traffic Man often coughing while capturing villains?

Because he was always congested.

A woman can’t stop coughing and decides to see a doctor

After examining her, the doctor gives her a pill to swallow.

“What was that?”, she asks.

“A very powerful laxative…*now* try coughing!”

Why couldn't Princess Peach stop coughing?

Because Mario came down the wrong pipe

My short Indian friend has started coughing a lot lately

I think he’s a little Sikh

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"I'm groping the balls of the storm."

The manager hesitated for a moment on the phone. "I'm sorry, can you repeat that?" he asked the newly hired immigrant worker.

"I...rub the storm...balls?" the man said, coughing.

Before he could ask again, the manager heard a little commotion on the line, followed by a younger voice. <...

People must not cough near you, they must cough far away...

So when you hear someone coughing tell him to, "Far Cough!"

Did you hear about the dinosaur that couldn't stop coughing?

It was a bronchitisaurus.

A man is coughing immensely in a packed train.

Others are looking worried about it, and one of the passengers asks:
"Excuse me, do you have coronavirus?"
"No sir, I'm diagnosed with overt tuberculosis."
"Thank God", the others sigh in relief.

Doctor says to the patient: “Your coughing sounds much better.”

The patient replies: “And no wonder. I spent a lot of time practicing.”

So Joe had a bad cough.

It was the worst cough of his life. He couldn't get anything done since all he could do was cough uncontrollably. So he decided to go to the doctor.

"Doc, you gotta help me," Joe said. "I just can't seem to stop coughing."

"Oh my, oh my, you poor thing," the doctor exclaimed. "I'll pre...

My Potato has been coughing terribly

I think it has Tuberculosis.

A sick Australian ornithologist was 60 feet up a tree, engrossed in two Jackdaws performing a convoluted mating dance in defiance of all known observations of the species, when he had a sudden coughing fit.

They say he died of corvid complications.

If someone starts a conversation you don't want to hear, just start coughing

They'll clear out fast.

My friend woke up this morning coughing badly

I think he may have pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, but it’s hard to say.

I saw a guy with a turban coughing his brains out

I think he might be Sikh

An old farmer goes to the doctor for chronic coughing

The doctor took a perfunctory look at the farmer and tsked. "Just one cigarette a day from now on!" he told the farmer.

Six months later the farmer comes back looking absolutely terrible. "I told you one cigarette a day," the doctor said. "Have you been taking my advice?"

The farmer re...

Have you heard about the social media stars who are coughing and sick?

They're Instagram Influenzas

A four year kid is being rushed to the hospital with coughing,high fever, vomiting and a searing headache.

The doctor meets him and takes him to do examinations. First,he needs to know what's the worst. He asks "Ben,can you tell me what's bothers you the most?"
He replies: "I'd have to say my little sister".

"Social Distancing" is a strategy designed to protect you from someone coughing close to you.

So make sure you let everyone know to far cough.

A man was coughing all day long and decided to go and see a doctor

So the man arrives at the doctor and explains the problem.

The doctor accidentally gave him laxative instead of coughing syrup but the man already left.

So a couple days later the man comes back for chek-up and the doctor asks: " alright, are you still coughing?"

The man replies...

I've been coughing and sneezing all day and now I can't stop singing old Frank Sinatra songs.

I think I've got crooner virus.

Super Mario walks into a bar and orders a drink. Takes one sip and starts coughing hysterically. Bartender asks “are you ok?”

Mario says “wrong pipe.”

I saw a flying pig! He was coughing and sneezing though, so I killed him.

After all, the swine flu!

The pharmacist took an extended lunch break without telling his assistant.

When he was gone, a man with severe cough came in for a consultation and was informed that the pharmacist was out to lunch, and the assistant wasn't sure when he was coming back.

The man begged the assistant for help since he was so miserable, and the assistant had to think quick.

An...

A man came into a doctor's office with a hacking up a lung, coughing up gobs of mucous into a handkerchief.

The staff tried to find out what was wrong and get more info from the man but he was clearly speaking a foreign language and no one could seem to identify what it was. A nurse happened to walk by the man and heard what was going on. She immediately got on her phone and soon a translator was at the m...

I asked my doctor what was the best cough suppressant medicine I could buy over the counter.

Laxatives.
I have since completely stopped coughing.

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