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A young woman visits a florist to get some flowers for her mother.

As she's perusing, she notices the most gorgeous rose she's ever seen sitting next to the cashier, and asks for its price.

"Oh, sorry," the cashier replies. "That one's not for sale. I got that as a gift from a fellow florist for hooking him up with a woman I met yesterday."

"Yesterd...

A Chicken and an Egg were lying in bed.

The Chicken was smoking a cigarette, a satisfied smile on its beak.

The Egg was pouting and looking very frustrated.

Finally, the Egg got up to go to the bathroom. Just before closing the door, it turned around and said to the Chicken:

“Well, I guess we settled THAT questio...

A man walks into a bar with a fish under his arm...

He asked the barman if they sold any fish cakes. The barman said no and the man pouted. “That’s a shame,” he said, pointing to the fish, “it’s his birthday!”

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An ex-businessman, now bankrupt, is preparing to jump off a bridge...

As he's about to step into the void, a hand grabs him from behind.


He turns back annoyed and sees that the hand belongs to an old bearded overweight guy.


"Why did you stop me you old fool?"


"Have you gone mad my son? You were about to kill yourself!" The old ma...

A Catholic priest, a rabbi, and a Muslim extremist walk into a bar and all sit at the counter.

The bartender hands each of them a menu then turns to the priest and asks, "what can I get you to drink, Father?”

The priest replies, "oh I don't drink, but I have to ask, does this really say you could get me the blood of Mary?"

The bartender responds, "No no no, Father, you misunders...

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A TV crew was on a remote village making a documentary…

…they stopped a villager and asked him if he would tell a happy anecdote for the camera. The man smiled, gave a deep, longing breath and told “well, there was this time when Sven’s sheep got lost, so it wandered up the mountain, so we got together to look for it. We searched and searched all day lon...

School is good

[Original]
A child walks in the restaurant and asks for tea gravy. The waiter says the don't have it in the menu and the kid pouted and went away.
After this happened 4-5 times, the kid started crying in the 6th restaurant asking for tea gravy again.
When the manager said they have never ...

I'm gonna go cry in front of a mirror.

I'll see myself pout.

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Little johnny is playing outside in the back yard

Little Johnny is outside in the back yard playing with his toy airplane. He takes it up in the air "rrrrrrrrrr" and brings it down for a landing, at which point he yells real loud "All you motherfuckers that wanna get off, get off. All you motherfuckers that wanna get on, get on." Well Johnnys mom i...

A blonde student catches her teacher at his desk after class

She puts her arms on his desk and pouts saying "this class is hard, I would do anything to get a good grade on the final. Anything."

He leans in close and says "Anything? Anything at all? Would you.... Study?"

Prisoner's Christmas Song

*You better watch out*

*You better not cry*

*You better not pout*

*I'm going in dry*

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[long] John McClane and Hans Gruber sat next to each other in Spanish class as kids at Nakatomi Plaza Junior High School...

One day the *Profesora* said, "we're going to have a vocab quiz, but we're going to do it as a game, make a competition out of it. I'm going to say a word in English, and you and the person sitting next to you compete to see who can give me the Spanish equivalent faster." She turned to the first pai...

To determine once and for all whose superior, God sets Satan and Jesus up with a little contest.

“You will have 12 hours to do the most mundane human task ever,” God starts, “work on a computer! You will create spreadsheets and documents and the like. I will crown the winner!”

With that, Jesus and Satan furiously begin typing away. God keeps their coffee full and rubs their shoulders to ...

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Curious George goes to a bar

A man and his monkey went into a bar,

On his shoulder was the monkey, he went not far.

Shooting pool all day long was what the man did,

The monkey watched as balls cross the table slid.



And then in a flash the small monkey ran down,

Then he picked up the ...

THE COMPLETE 'DONALD TRUMP IS COMING TO TOWN' SONG

He's making a list
He's checking it twice
he gonna find out if your Muslim or white
Donald Trump is coming to town
If he doesn't get his way, he's going to pout
He's building a wall to keep Mexicans out
Donald Trump is coming to town
He says he not racist, its for Americas sake<...

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A couple young, entrepreneurial prostitutes, were riding around town with a sign on the top of their car that read: "Two Prostitutes – $50.00."

A police officer, seeing the sign, pulled the ladies over and advised that they will have to remove the sign or go to jail.

Right about that time a minivan passed by with a sign on the side of it that read: "Jesus Saves."

"How come you don’t stop them?" asked one of the girls.

...

Noah was feeling bored on the Ark

His wife said, "Why don't you go outside and fish for a little?"

Noah agreed, grabbed his fishing pole and went out on the deck to fish.

He comes back in 10 minutes later, sits down, and pouts.

His wife asks him, "Why did you stop fishing?" and he says,

"I ran out of worm...

A man finds himself in a hotel lobby. The lady at the front desk is giving him big "F me" eyes.

Now, sure, he's seen prettier women in his lifetime. But she's a solid seven, and looking at him in such a sultry fashion that his knees nonetheless knock together nervously.

"You can have me, right here, right now, or you can carry on to success," she whispers, tracing her finger slowly down...

Another joke about an old person on a bus.

An old man gets on a crowded bus. All the seats are full and he ends up leaning on his cane in front of a young whippersnapper who doesn't offer his seat.

As the bus starts to drive, the man's cane slips out from under him and the man loses his balance. As the bus stops to pick up more passen...

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A chaste wife went to a pet store...

... to buy her husband a pet for their anniversary. All of the pedigree animals were too expensive and she began to pout, visibly. One of the store's tellers asked what was wrong and she explained her circumstances.

“Well... we have a specially trained frog for $24.99”, he said.

She ex...

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A lawyer is sitting on a plane...

...and he notices that there's a blonde woman sitting next to him, looking like she's about to fall asleep. He thinks quickly, *how do I make some money off of this dumb blonde?*

He suddenly has a great idea, and leans over, tapping her on the shoulder. She blinks at him. "Hm? What is it?"...

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Iced Cream

Little Jimmy is in class. The teacher says, "There are 6 birds on the wall, I shoot one, how many are left?"

Little Jimmy responds "none", the teacher asks him to explain, "You shot one, so that one is dead, and the others heard the shot and flew away."

The teacher responds, "I like yo...

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A Little Boy and His Chores

A Little boy sits down and ask his mom for breakfast. The mom ask "have you done your chores?" He pouts and says, "no, chores are dumb" The mom says he can't have breakfast until they're done

So the boy walks outside and walks over to the cow and begins milking her. While doing so he gets pis...

Older couple

An older couple is spending time up in the bedroom before turning in for the night. Hubby's reading the paper while his wife is checking herself out in the mirror. Every few minutes, she lets out with a little- "Ooooh!" and "Awww!"
Finally, the husband can't concentrate and puts the paper down.<...

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