I just realized my countertop is made of marble..

I have been taking it for granite all these years.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We now have the technology to build a new penis.

Doctor Cohen comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, however your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."

The m...

I had to leave the granite industry

It was counter productive

Is lava wet?

Maybe so but I’m not taking it for granite.

Stone masons really take their work for granite

But their work is truly marblelous.



-credit goes to a post on r/memes

The Rock is divorcing his wife..

Because she takes him for granite.

Yosemite was made a national park...

so people wouldn't take it for granite.

Chuck Norris

They wanted to add Chuck Norris' face to Mount Rushmore, but the granite is not hard enough for his beard.

Do you have a favorite material? Mines Limestone...

But a lot of people take it for granite

As a rock salesman, I've had great success with money.

Sometimes I take it for granite.

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A grammar book walks into a bar

* An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

* A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

* A bar was walked into by the pass...

I used to think Pomegranate was a stone fruit...

Pom-a-granite

An Irishman and an Englishman find a lamp

Upon rubbing it a genie pops out and says For freeing me, I will grant you each one wish!"
The Englishman says "I love my country, but it's being ruined by foreigners. I wish a wall to be built around it so that no one else can get in."
The genie says, "Done. And you, Irishman?"
The Irishm...

I really like rock puns.

They're something we shouldn't take for granite. I mean, they are pretty solid.

Let's just face it, geology rocks!


PS: I just hit rock bottom, didn't I?

What do you call a fruit mixed with a stone that *isn’t* a stone fruit?

...Pome*granite.*

(OC) I started stealing granite tops from peoples kitchens and replacing them with fakes...

I keep having troubles getting the counterfeit.

(Its probably been done before because the pun is so obvious but I haven't yet heard it.)

What does quartz get tired of?

Being taken for granite.

A joke I will always love

In the distant future when interstellar space travel is common place, scientists are traveling through galaxies to find life on other planets. On one planter many light years away, they find a giant granite statue statue of a man in a squatting position. Upon close inspection they find this statue i...

Trump reportedly asked to be added to Mount Rushmore

Turns out granite isn't a dense enough material to represent him

I thought I saw my ex today, but it was just a piece of feldspar.

Maybe she was right, maybe I did take her for granite.

My mom stole money from me to buy new countertops

She seriously needs to stop taking things for granite

Have you heard about the synthetic stone countertops that are half the price?

Don’t take them for granite.

Tommo was a canary. [long]

Tommo was a canary. Like his father, and his father before him, Tommo worked in the granite mines. Every morning, he would perch upon the shoulder of his favorite miner, and descend down, down into the deep.

Tommo had a lovely wife canary at home named Millet. Millet and Tommo had two sons...

Sometimes I forget how beautiful the mountains are.

I really take them for granite.

I traded my countertop for a new marble one, but now I miss my old one.

It's like they always say, never take anything for granite

The kidnappers are blackmailing my dad to hand over his stone-cutting business for my safe return.

I was really taken for granite.

I was gonna tell a rock joke on here,

but I think everyone would take it for granite.

Did ya hear feldspar, quartz, and mica stopped hanging out together?

They got tired of being taken for granite

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Zeus is offering a seat in his Pantheon for the first person to complete his trials of strength.

An esteemed hero of all men approaches Olympus and thinks hey, why the hell not. If I lose I may be disappointed, but if I win I will join the legendary Gods of the Pantheon!

So he makes his way to Zeus, excited to see what is in store for him in order to prove his worth to the Gods. Along th...

I hate people who trade with minerals

They take everything for granite

My wife got mad at me because I didn’t appreciate the new marble kitchen countertops she had installed.

I’ll admit, I took them for granite.

A lava rock quit his job at the volcano today

Said they took him for granite.

Petition to start a rock season in the mountains...

Please don't take this for granite.

I took my old countertop to a swap meet.

After remodeling my kitchen, I had no use for it and was looking for a trade. It wasn't very long before I was approached by a young couple.

"Wow, that countertop is gorgeous!" says the guy. "I must have it. I will trade you my girlfriend."

His girlfriend was stunning. "Are you sur...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man gets in a car accident that completely rips off his penis.

The doctor says, “Sir, we are going to have to rebuild your penis from scratch. Now, the way we do this operation is to charge you $1,000 for every inch in length. Your insurance company has given you $12,000, and that’s yours to keep, so maybe you want to use all of it, or maybe only 5 or even 4 th...

Why was the stone golem mad at her husband?

Because he was always taking her for granite.

If you ever meet a girl named stone...

Don't take her for granite.

Plateaus are the highest form of flattery

Don't take them for granite

Why does nobody like a rich stone?

Because he takes everything for granite.

Michelangelo's Statue of David is one of the most important artworks ever created with marble

But I've always taken it for granite.

My girlfriend was raving about our neighbors Marble Countertops.

I was unimpressed, but maybe I just took them for Granite

Why did the stone mason leave his wife?

He felt taken for granite.

My wife and I are debating whether or not to get marble countertops in our kitchen

I feel like we’ll just take them for granite

American, Indian and Russian go to hell...

An American, an Indian and a Russian got to hell after they died and were met by the Devil with a huge whip (twice as big as Indiana Jones had). So Devil met them and said...

-"I give everyone one chance to go to heaven, all you have to do is withstand three lashes from my whip, also you can ...

"Peter," said Jesus, "you are my rock." Peter looked angry...

"I really wish you'd stop taking me for granite!"

I got fired from my job at the marble mine today

I kept taking it for granite

When I moved into my new house, I don't think I appreciated how convincing my countertops were.

I took them for granite.

Did you hear about the contractor who abused the offer for a free kitchen counter top?

He took it for granite.

What’s the worst way to end a friendship with a rock?

Take them for granite.

A man burglarizes homes so he can afford to renovate his kitchen...

I guess you could say he's taking things for granite.

You guys ever heard the one about the sculptor and his Italian friend?

There once was a sculptor who made beautiful pieces of work. His specialty was beautiful women. He'd toil away for hours on end, immortalizing the prettiest women in plaster and granite. But one day, he realized that his work was no longer in demand. Distraught, he called over his closest friend, an...

I always thought my kitchen was worth more, until I had my house appraised.

Moral of the story: Don't take your countertops for granite.

Why is Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson always so sad?

Everyone takes him for granite.

A man hired a contractor to renovate his kitchen

The contractor said to the man that he was nearly done.

The homeowner said "no way that you are - there is a giant hole in the granite countertop!"

Frustrated with how long the renovation had taken, the homeowner started yelling at the contractor and his assistant, who was standing in ...

I really miss the marble countertops at my old apartment...

I guess I just took them for granite.

The slippers

This is more like a funny story not a joke to me. I'm not a native English speaker, so my English is not that well.

Madurese, a tribe from Indonesia, are known to be very religious but, unfortunately, bad tempered and proud.

(OP is Madurese) It goes like this:



One day, a...

A kleptomaniac never appreciated how he could exchange stolen goods for rocks.

He took things for granite.

My floors

I really appreciate beautiful Travertine floors.

A lot of other people, however, take them for granite.

I'm no geologist

But when I look at mountains in the morning I take them for granite

Apparently there was a Problem with a request to put Trump's Face on Mount Rushmore

It seems granite isn't a dense enough substance to accurately portray his head

Why did Mrs. Quartz divorce Mr. Quartz?

He took her for granite.

A successful contractor talks to his mother after some economic hardships.

He had originally made his fortune off of luxury countertops, rising to the top of the interior furnishing industry. However, after chasing profits, he began to use inferior materials for his countertops, lost sales, and then lost everything. Desperate, he moved into his mom's house, and asked her f...

The shame about ancient Grecian art...

The shame about ancient Grecian art is that there are amazing marble sculptures and structures which too often get taken for granite.

Today I was asked to model for a stone sculpture

Life is wild guys don't take anything for granite

"Why was the slab of marble upset?"

"He was tired of everyone mistaking him for granite."

What do you call a handful of gravel

A palm-o-granite!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy wakes up in a hospital

A guy wakes up in a hospital and doesn't know where he is for a second, and then he remembers he was in a huge traffic accident. He franticly looks around panicked and is then comforted by a doctor. "It's okay, you are fine. But I have some bad news for you", says the doctor. The man say, "What....

What was the under-appreciated, often-exploited kitchen contractor's complaint?

I'm always taken for granite!

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