I met a rock salesman once.

He really took his money for granite.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, however, your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."

The man...

Plateaus are the highest form of flattery

Don't take them for granite

Why was the stone golem mad at her husband?

Because he was always taking her for granite.

My friend kidnapped me in exchange for building supplies...

As my friend was making his demands over the phone for my release, I was confused that he would do this over 10 tons of limestone.

Me: “How could you do this?! We’ve always respected each other through thick and thin! You took me to this horrible place for stupid limestone?!”

Friend: “...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Zeus is offering a seat in his Pantheon to one who can complete his trials of strength.

An esteemed hero of all men approaches Olympus and thinks hey, why the hell not. If I lose I may be disappointed, but if I win I will join the legendary Gods of the Pantheon!


So he makes his way to Zeus, excited to see what is in store for him in order to prove his worth to the Gods. Al...

Why should stone masons not be given a lot of money/materials to work with?

They take too much for granite

An Irishman and an Englishman find a lamp

Upon rubbing it a genie pops out and says For freeing me, I will grant you each one wish!"
The Englishman says "I love my country, but it's being ruined by foreigners. I wish a wall to be built around it so that no one else can get in."
The genie says, "Done. And you, Irishman?"
The Irishm...

(OC) I started stealing granite tops from peoples kitchens and replacing them with fakes...

I keep having troubles getting the counterfeit.

(Its probably been done before because the pun is so obvious but I haven't yet heard it.)

I traded my countertop for a new marble one, but now I miss my old one.

It's like they always say, never take anything for granite

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man gets in a car accident that completely rips off his penis.

The doctor says, “Sir, we are going to have to rebuild your penis from scratch. Now, the way we do this operation is to charge you $1,000 for every inch in length. Your insurance company has given you $12,000, and that’s yours to keep, so maybe you want to use all of it, or maybe only 5 or even 4 th...

"Peter," said Jesus, "you are my rock." Peter looked angry...

"I really wish you'd stop taking me for granite!"

What did the limestone say to the geologist?

Don’t take me for granite!

I hate people who trade with minerals

They take everything for granite

Why did the stone mason leave his wife?

He felt taken for granite.

When I moved into my new house, I don't think I appreciated how convincing my countertops were.

I took them for granite.

A man hired a contractor to renovate his kitchen

The contractor said to the man that he was nearly done.

The homeowner said "no way that you are - there is a giant hole in the granite countertop!"

Frustrated with how long the renovation had taken, the homeowner started yelling at the contractor and his assistant, who was standing in ...

A lava rock quit his job at the volcano today

Said they took him for granite.

Michelangelo's Statue of David is one of the most important artworks ever created with marble

But I've always taken it for granite.

Three Fencers Walk Into a Bar.

Looking around, they see the bartender telling a drunk customer to get out, that he's had too many. The customer goes to punch the bartender, but before he can land the hit the bartender grabs his head and smashes it into the granite countertop, breaking the drunkard's nose.

The police show u...

What did tonalite say to pegmatite?

I'm sorry I took you for granite...

If you ever meet a girl named stone...

Don't take her for granite.

My wife and I are debating whether or not to get marble countertops in our kitchen

I feel like we’ll just take them for granite

You guys ever heard the one about the sculptor and his Italian friend?

There once was a sculptor who made beautiful pieces of work. His specialty was beautiful women. He'd toil away for hours on end, immortalizing the prettiest women in plaster and granite. But one day, he realized that his work was no longer in demand. Distraught, he called over his closest friend, an...

Did you hear about the contractor who abused the offer for a free kitchen counter top?

He took it for granite.

I got fired from my job at the marble mine today

I kept taking it for granite

What’s the worst way to end a friendship with a rock?

Take them for granite.

I always thought my kitchen was worth more, until I had my house appraised.

Moral of the story: Don't take your countertops for granite.

My girlfriend was raving about our neighbors Marble Countertops.

I was unimpressed, but maybe I just took them for Granite

My cheap laminated countertop just collapsed

I suppose I always took it for granite.

A kleptomaniac never appreciated how he could exchange stolen goods for rocks.

He took things for granite.

I really miss the marble countertops at my old apartment...

I guess I just took them for granite.

A man burglarizes homes so he can afford to renovate his kitchen...

I guess you could say he's taking things for granite.

There are many marbleous statues in Greece

...but sadly many people take them for granite.

I'm no geologist

But when I look at mountains in the morning I take them for granite

Apparently there was a Problem with a request to put Trump's Face on Mount Rushmore

It seems granite isn't a dense enough substance to accurately portray his head

Why does nobody like a rich stone?

Because he takes everything for granite.

My floors

I really appreciate beautiful Travertine floors.

A lot of other people, however, take them for granite.

Why did the Limestone feel unappreciated?

Because he thought people were taking him for granite.

Did you hear why the Quartz is divorcing her husband?

She says he took her for Granite

The slippers

This is more like a funny story not a joke to me. I'm not a native English speaker, so my English is not that well.

Madurese, a tribe from Indonesia, are known to be very religious but, unfortunately, bad tempered and proud.

(OP is Madurese) It goes like this:



One day, a...

Why is Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson always so sad?

Everyone takes him for granite.

The shame about ancient Grecian art...

The shame about ancient Grecian art is that there are amazing marble sculptures and structures which too often get taken for granite.

American, Indian and Russian go to hell...

An American, an Indian and a Russian got to hell after they died and were met by the Devil with a huge whip (twice as big as Indiana Jones had). So Devil met them and said...

-"I give everyone one chance to go to heaven, all you have to do is withstand three lashes from my whip, also you can ...

What do you call a handful of gravel

A palm-o-granite!

"Why was the slab of marble upset?"

"He was tired of everyone mistaking him for granite."

Today I was asked to model for a stone sculpture

Life is wild guys don't take anything for granite

What was the under-appreciated, often-exploited kitchen contractor's complaint?

I'm always taken for granite!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy wakes up in a hospital

A guy wakes up in a hospital and doesn't know where he is for a second, and then he remembers he was in a huge traffic accident. He franticly looks around panicked and is then comforted by a doctor. "It's okay, you are fine. But I have some bad news for you", says the doctor. The man say, "What....

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