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A Polish man moved to America and married an American girl.

Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well. Until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him - "very quick." The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following ...

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My Father’s Favorite Joke

One day, a man goes to a remote village and goes to the pub. He is completely taken with how incredible the bar is. Eventually he speaks to the barman and tells him how he has travelled the world but that this is the most beautiful bar he has ever seen. The barman says:
“You like this bar, hr...

You mean WHAT?

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending
divorce, and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?"
She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the
middle of the property with a stream running by.”
"No," he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this...

I heard r/Jokes is going to open a brick and mortar location..

It’s gonna be a second hand store, of course

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I've been sneaking clay, sand and mortar into my housemate's food...

When they find out they'll shit bricks.

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A guy goes to the U. S. Post Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, “have you been in the service?”

“Yes,” he says. “I was in Vietnam for three years.”

The interviewer then asks, “Are you disabled in any way?”

The guy says, “Yes 100%… a mortar round exploded near me and blew my testicles off.”

The interviewer te...

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Someone asked Trump how he planned to build the wall

he said "On the day I got elected 60 million people shit a brick and Mexico agreed to pay for the mortar"

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Overheard on two guys unloading a truck the other day

Guy 1: What's the difference between mortar mix and cement mix?

Guy 2: I dunno what?

Guy 1: I wasnt telling a fucking joke I want to know the difference!

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Shamus....

Ya see tha' wall over there lad? I built that wall. I built that wall with mine own two hands. I chiseled every brick, laid every speck of mortar. 

But they don't call me Shamus the wall builder, no. 

Ya see tha' dock down there lad? I built that dock with mine own two hands. I drove e...

A quote from a WWII veteran...

If you see a group of soldiers but don't know where they're from fire a stray bullet in their direction and see how they react.

If they respond with precise rifle fire they're British.

If they respond with a frenzy of machine gun fire they're German.

If they try running away the...

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A very drunk man is in the pub complaining about his current reputation.

A man named Johnny is in the local pub one night and as usual, he is quite drunk. Although he is only talking directly to one of the locals, he is talking loud enough for everyone to hear. He says:

"You see the fucking wall out there, do ya? The fucking wall that fucking stretches from one en...

I was layin a brick wall, when all the sudden my neighbour shot it into pieces with a small howitzer.

He immediately became my mortar enemy.

Building in Antarctica is difficult!

No matter what I tried I couldn't get my house to stay together. I tried concrete, brick and mortar, even duct tape! I finally found something that worked though, it was quite simple, igloo'd it together.

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A man passing through a rural village walks into the local tavern...

A man passing through a rural village walks into the local tavern. He sits down and is soon greeted by the bartender. The bartender pours him a beer as he sees the man admiring the craftsmanship of the bar.

"You see this bar?" asks the bartender. "I crafted this with my own two hands. I cut t...

At the end of the Vietnam war

An American and Vietcong General were discussing who would have won if the war had continued. Unable to agree they decided to hold a competition between the US Army, the Green Berets and the Vietcong.

The competition was simple, whoever could catch a rabbit the fastest in the jungle would be ...

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